Pilot-A Disabled Electrician turned Writer

My name is Johnny Joseph Elder and my life is either dull or amazing, depending on whom you ask. I am a writer, at least on the amateur level, but there is someone special who enjoys my work. I turned twenty-six last month and it was my first birthday that I was not single.

I sit at my computer finishing up my latest fantasy, which is getting really steamy at this point.

As I save the file, Annabelle Jenkins, my live-in girlfriend, steps out of the bathroom of my house and says, “Bae, let’s go make some groceries.”

“Sure, let me just get my jacket and shoes on,” I reply.

Yes, she is seven years my junior and many assume we don’t have anything in common. Nothing could be further from the truth, however. The truth is, Annabelle also likes to write and even more importantly, she writes very much like me. Not only that, we are madly attracted to each other physically.

With that, I then get my shoes from under the bed and put them on. I struggle to get them on my feet because it hurts my back to bend. The pain is a constant reminder of when I seriously injured my back from a fall while working in the electrical trade. There is a bright side to this situation which I’m very thankful for and that is I get my financial and medical needs met. Therefore I am able to pay the note on my house in addition to the utilities and I can also put food on the table and most months I can buy myself and Annabelle a little gift each month.

Afterwards, I take my brown jacket from the hall tree and Annabelle gets her gray hoodie as well. We bundle up and prepare to leave. I turn my floor furnace off and Annabelle take’s my personal shopping cart out of the utility room and then we walk out the front door together. The weather is cold, damp and bleak, but what do you expect for early February? I engage my deadbolt, then we walk across the porch, down the steps, through my yard and out the gate of my hurricane fence, which I lock behind us. We then make our way to Melinda’s Massive Superstore.

We walk for about block and arrive at our destination and enter the store.

Annabelle and I look around for just a bit, and then I ask her, “Bae what would you like me to make us for dinner?”

“You know those fried potatoes that you make so well? I’d like those,” She replies.

“Say no more,” I tell her as we walk to the produce section where I select a bag of large Russet potatoes.

Then we go to the cooking supplies aisle for a jug of Wesson cooking oil.

Afterwards, we walk to the spices aisle and I pick up a canister of Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning.

Then I ask her, “Would you like some Remoulade sauce to dip the potatoes in?”

“Sure. That would be nice,” Annabelle says.

We look around the store with much effort, but cannot find it.

Annabelle and I see a grocery clerk passing by on roller skates and I ask him, “Excuse me, sir, where is your Remoulade Sauce located?”

“It’s hard to find, so I’ll take you to it,” He pauses, then continues, “Follow me.”

The stocker guides us to the condiments aisle and shows us. It is on the bottom shelf towards the back end of the aisle.

I place two bottles in my cart, shake his hand and say, “Thank you for your help, sir.”

“You’re welcome. Helping customers is much more rewarding than just putting up dry goods all day and into the night.” He pauses then continues, “Is there anything else we can help you find today?”

“No that’s it. I shop here a lot and I know where almost everything is.”

“Well then, y’all come back soon and have a nice day.”

“You too, sir.”

I look at Annabelle and then ask her, “What would you like to drink, bae?”

“R. C. Cola.”

“Then I’ll have to get each of us a Moon Pie as well, for after dinner. Moon Pie go perfectly with an R. C. Cola.”

“You’re going to make me gain even more weight. I’m already so fat.”

“Don’t worry, bae, I think you’re sexy as hell and not to mention, I feel so ecstatic when I hold you at night.”

She then grabs me with great affection and steals a kiss from me, saying, “You’re so sweet to tell me that.”

“Well, I mean it, bae. I’m immensely blessed to have you in my life.”

Annabelle then rubs her nose against mine and we each select a moon pie from the impulse section. Afterwards, we get in line to check out.

The cashier says, “Y’all always make such a cute couple,” as she scans our items.

We just smile from ear to ear, then I say, “Thanks, usually we get harassed when we show affection in public.”

“Well, I think it’s beautiful that y’all love and cherish each other, especially in public. The world needs more love and less hate. Besides anyone who harasses y’all for that is either jealous, uptight or maybe both.”

She finishes scanning our items then I charge them to my revolving account.

The groceries are then placed in my cart and we walk out of the store.

As we walk back to the house Annabelle takes off her glasses and wipes them with her hoodie.

I smile at her and say, “I can make those glasses fog up even more!”

“Ooo, bae, I’d like that,” She replies, giggling.

So I continue, “Wait when we get home. I’m going to love you like there’s no tomorrow!”

“You’re making me so hot, even in this cold weather,” She exclaims then grabs me with a loving kiss.

I throw my arms around her then begin to gently rub her love handles.

She buries her face in my chest and I kiss her forehead.

“It feels so good to be in your arms,” She says as her teeth chatter.

A motorist drives by sounds his horn and shouts “Get a room!”

“Get a life!” I shout back to him.

Annabelle whispers to me, “Let’s get home where we can have some privacy and do whatever we want!”

“Right behind you, bae,” I tell her as we briskly walk the rest of the block. We’re now in front of my house, so I unlock my hurricane fence and we walk through my yard, then up my steps and onto my porch. I unlock the deadbolt and we enter my house. I place the grocery cart in the living room and lock the front door.

“Bae, I want you so badly right now; take me,” Annabelle says with a high energy excitement.

“I’m all yours, both now and forever,” I tell her, then turn my floor furnace back on as we rush to my bedroom, peeling off each others’ clothes.

We commence our beautiful lovemaking. It goes on and on as we climax several times.

“Bae, you just inspired me to write something beautiful,” Annabelle says, panting and moaning.

“I think you did likewise for me,” I reply.

We collapse in the sheets and blankets cuddling each other while discussing our stories.

Soon, the hunger pangs begin.

I hear Annabelle’s stomach growling and ask, “Are you hungry, bae?”

“Yes. What about you?”

“I’m hungry too. I guess we’ll write these ideas down after we eat.”

So, with that, we get dressed and prepare dinner.

I pour the oil into a deep pan and light my gas range. While waiting for the oil to get hot, I cut the potatoes into flat round pieces and then drop them in the now hot oil. The round potato slices sizzle fiercely as they hit the oil. Annabelle and I watch them cook. After they are crispy and golden brown, I drain them of the grease and season them with the Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning and some Louisiana Hot Sauce.

Annabelle gets the plates out of my cabinet and puts the potatoes and Remoulade sauce on them. She then pours us each a tall glass of R. C. Cola. Even though we are living in sin, we still say grace, because we are still thankful to God for all He provides. One day, hopefully soon, we will marry so our relationship can be right in His eyes. We would already be married if there weren’t any government implications to concern ourselves over.

Now we eat, happily scarfing down our food. Afterwards, we do the dishes then we eat our Moon Pies and finish off the R. C. Cola.

We walk to my living room and I turn the T.V. on.

For a little while, we watch some old DVDs until Annabelle says, “Bae, let’s go write.”

“Good idea.”

So we turn off the T.V. and go to my computer each with a chair and we write together. We write beautiful love stories and fantasies for each other until we are both too sleepy to keep our eyes open.

And with that, we go to bed and hold each other all night long in a peaceful slumber…

Back to “A Disabled Electrician turned Writer”

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Thanksgiving-A Disabled Electrician turned Writer

My watch begins beeping, so I slowly wake up.

Annabelle is laying next to me and her eyes are slowly opening as well.

It is Thanksgiving and we are invited to dinner at her mother and step dad’s apartment.

I give her a kiss and she smiles at me.

Annabelle then takes her glasses off of the night table and puts them on her face.

My floor furnace is on full blast and it is very cold outside, despite it being only November.

Annabelle steps out of my bed wearing only one of my white tee shirts and her black panties.

I step out as well, then throw my arms around her and rub her buttocks.

She beams brightly at me and giggles.

I kiss her face repeatedly, to which she says, “I almost wish we didn’t have to go to dinner so I could spend the day making love to you instead, Johnny Joseph Elder.”

I am very turned on and say, “You know I feel bliss when we are intimate, but at least we’re getting a free meal.”

“Monetarily, it’s free, but we pay for it in other ways. You know my mom is going to fuss at me about something and then Oliver will insult me as well.”

“Well, we don’t have to take it, we can just leave if they do that.”

“You mean you will leave with me if I want to?”

“Of course. I know they are your family, but if your mother or Oliver or anyone else makes you uncomfortable and distressed, I will leave with you and I don’t care what they think of me. I’m in love with you, not necessarily them.”

“Oh, bae, you’re making me want to stay here with you even more so I can make love to you.”

“Well, if I hadn’t taken out a loan to pay my deductible from Hurricane Alidore, I could have used the extra money to buy us a Thanksgiving Dinner instead, but I needed my house fixed.”

“I know Johnny, but you are responsible with your finances, unlike my mom and Oliver.”

“I guess I’m thankful for what I get and I try to be a good steward.”

I continue to hug her and rub her love handles.

Then I tickle her a little to which she says, “I don’t mind you tickling me a little, but if you continue right now, you will need to mop your floor!”

I stop and she says giggling, “I have to use the bathroom, but then maybe we could shower together.”

“I would like that a lot!” I tell her.

Annabelle kisses me once more, then she prances to the master bathroom, with her curvy hips swaying from side to side.

I’m madly attracted to her.

Annabelle relieves herself, then I hear the toilet flush, so I walk into the bathroom.

She takes off everything and stands in the bathtub.

I stare at her with great admiration.

I undress and she motions for me to come in the bathtub with her.

We stand under the shower head and I turn the hot water on.

Passionately we kiss, then begin to make love standing up.

After we climax, we lovingly wash each other.

Once we are clean we stare at each other and continue to passionately kiss.

Reluctantly we step out of the bathtub, shivering. I turn the valve on the wall heater to “on” and strike a match to light it so we can be warm.

Lovingly we dry each other off.

Once we are dry, we shut off the wall heater, leave the bathroom and walk to the utility room placing our dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

We walk back to the bedroom and begin to dress each other.

We both put our undergarments on in front of each other, teasingly.

As I bend to reach into my bottom drawer, I get a shooting pain in my back and then sit on the bed.

Annabelle notices right away and says, “Don’t worry Johnny, I’ll get you a pair of pants. What would you like to wear?”

“I would like one of my khakis and a navy blue work shirt,” I tell her.

Annabelle gets them out of the drawer for me and I struggle to put them on.

She then asks, “What would you like me to wear?”

“That sexy black skirt and white blouse that shows off all of your sexy curves.”

Annabelle giggles and nods, then say, “I’ve been wanting to wear that.”

“Good, because it drives me wild.”

“That’s why I’ve been wanting to wear it!”

Annabelle begins putting on her outfit, then says, “Before I got with you, I never thought I was sexy, because of my weight, but you adore me including my weight and I love you so much for that!”

“I hope you love me for other reasons.”

“Of course I do Johnny, you have a heart of gold, you take care of me and even manage to spoil me with the little that you have, you’re level-headed, you accepted me for who I am and of course you’re so cute-I don’t want anyone but you.”

We now both have our clothes on, then Annabelle continues, asking me “What made you fall for me?”

“The fact that you still wanted me in spite of my disability, the fact that you are so sweet even though all those bad things happened to you, the fact that in your own way you take care of me too and of course ever since I first laid eyes upon you in Mrs. Angela’s house last May, I thought you were so beautiful and I still do. I too only want you and no one else.”

“I guess we have a lot to be thankful for, no matter where we celebrate Thanksgiving.”

“We certainly do.”

“Well, there is about an hour until we are expected at your mothers.”

“We could go wish Mrs. Angela a Happy Thanksgiving.”

“That’s a good idea, I mean I am immensely thankful that she set us up.”

“As am I!”

So, with that, Annabelle helps me put on my socks and shoes, then I get my jacket and she gets her hoodie from the hall tree.

We bundle up, then I get my phone, flashlight and pocket knife off of my night table, place them in my pockets then shut the floor furnace off.

Annabelle gets her purse and phone.

I get my house keys off the hook and we head outside.

Hand in hand, Annabelle and I walk out of the front door then I lock the deadbolt.

We walk across my front porch, down the steps, then to the gate, closing it and we leave my yard. Then we walk to Mrs. Angela’s house, up her steps and knock on her door.

We hear her calling out, “Just a minute.”

Finally, she comes to the door dressed up in an orange pants suit.

“My my Johnny you look so handsome and Annabelle you look like a China doll. What brings y’all here?”

“We’ve come to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving,” Annabelle says.

“Because we are definitely thankful that you set us up,” I continue.

She motions for us to come in.

“Well, that’s awfully sweet of y’all. I would offer something to eat, but my son Roger will be coming in about an hour to take me to dinner at his house.”

“Well, we have to be at my mother’s house in an hour and honestly, I’m almost having a panic attack about what drama will happen there.”

“Well, Annabelle, you have Johnny now and if anyone gives you any grief, you and he just need to leave.”

Mrs. Angela then looks at me and says, “I need you to check my Weather Radio, Johnny. It’s not charging.”

“I’m on it,” I tell her.

I go into her bedroom and check the Weather Radio. Nothing looks damaged.

Then I have an idea: I go plug it in her kitchen socket. Immediately it starts charging.

“I think I found out what is wrong, Mrs. Angela,” I call out to her.

“Pray tell me what is it?”

“I think your fuse to that bedroom receptacle blew.”

“That would explain why my portable heater doesn’t work either.”

“That heater probably drew too much current for what the fuse is rated.” I pause then continue, “Now Mrs. Angela, why are you using a portable heater when you have radiators?”

“Because I am deathly afraid of Carbon Monoxide poisoning.”

“But portable electric heaters can be just as dangerous and cause fires if you’re not totally careful. Now, do you have any spare fuses, because Melinda’s is closed today.”

“I have some in my kitchen drawer.”

I get the package of fuses out, then walk to her utility room and replace the fuse. Then I plug the Weather Radio back into the bedroom receptacle and it starts charging again.

Then I tell Mrs. Angela, “Tomorrow when all the supply houses are open again, I can get some heavier gauge wire and run a line dedicated for your heater and only your heater that will be safe for it, in fact, I can talk to Roger about maybe giving me a ride to get all the supplies and helping me.” I pause, then continue, “The wire you currently have going to that outlet can handle light things like a radio or a lamp, but not an electric heater.”

“Well, I will pay you for installing that wire, that way you and Annabelle can go out tomorrow evening. After all, it will be Black Friday.”

“You don’t have to pay me, all you have to do is furnish the new parts.”

“Let me pay you, I get money from both the government and my husband’s pension, plus I have a good bit saved up.”

“Well, if you insist.”

“Of course. Now let me see where Roger is.

Mrs. Angela goes to her phone on the kitchen wall and dials her son’s number.

Annabelle and I sit in the living room next to each other, holding hands.

Mrs. Angela walks into the living room and says, “Roger is only a few blocks away.”

“Good, then I will talk to him about giving me a ride to the supply house tomorrow. In the meantime, do not use that electric heater.”

Minutes pass, then there is a knock at the door.

It is Roger.

I go up to him and shake his hand.

Mrs. Angela then says, “Johnny needs you to take him to the supply house tomorrow. He is going to run a special line for my electric heater.”

“That’s fine. I can do some Christmas shopping too since the supply house is on the same boulevard as all the stores.”

I look at Roger, then say, “I might need some help pulling the wires through the walls, because of my back.”

“I figured that then let’s get this knocked out as early tomorrow as possible.”

“Good idea.”

“Do you have all the tools you need?”

“Everything except a drill.”

“I’ve got a drill.”

Mrs. Angela then says, “I’m going to finish getting ready.”

“I’ll be waiting in the living room, Ma,” Roger answers.

I then explain to Roger, “Mrs. Angela tried running her portable heater on a fuse that is only rated for fifteen amps, plus she had a lamp and her Weather Radio plugged in on receptacles served by that fuse, so it blew. That is why I want to run a dedicated line for her heater, and I want to install the receptacle in the room where it is away from anything combustible. I know I’m anal about electrical safety, but you can never be too careful.”

“I understand, man, and I’m glad you look out for my momma.”

Mrs. Angela then walks out and says, “I’m ready, son.”

“Okay, Ma, we made a big dinner for you.”

“I can’t wait!”

“Well, we have to go to my mom and step dad’s apartment too,” Annabelle says.

“I hope it goes well,” Mrs. Angela says.

“I have my fingers crossed,” Annabelle replies.

We then all leave the house.

Roger locks the door and escorts Mrs. Angela to his truck, opens the door for her and lets her in.

Annabelle and I walk to the apartment complex, in the bleak, biting cold.

We hold each other close as we walk.

Soon enough we arrive and walk up the stairs to her unit.

Annabelle knocks on the door.

Oliver silently greets us and motions for us to come in.

He goes back to his recliner and watching football in the living room.

Debbie Lou, Annabelle’s mother steps out the kitchen and asks, “Who’s here?”

“It’s me and Johnny,” Annabelle says.

There is a tension in the air.

Her mother adds in, “I’ve got takeout from KFC, we have two large buckets of grilled chicken, some green beans, some biscuits, some macaroni and cheese and some chocolate chip cookies.”

Annabelle whispers to me, “You see that they were too lazy to cook anything.”

I simply nod, though I am glad to at least have this meal.

Debbie Lou then says, “Oliver, honey, when do you want to eat?”

“Halftime.” He gruffly replies

“How long until then?” Annabelle asks him?

“About two minutes left on the clock, but really like five or seven minutes in real time. Don’t worry, you’ll live, I mean you’re not exactly starving.”

Debbie Lou walks back into the kitchen and begins putting the dinner on plates.

I can see Annabelle getting angry, so I hug her and whisper, “Ignore him, you’re very beautiful.”

She places her face in my chest and, then looks up at me and says, “Thank you!”

I kiss her forehead and hold her hands.

She guides my hands to her sides and I begin to lovingly rub them.

As discreetly as possible, I then kiss Annabelle’s stomach.

“I love you, Johnny!” She whispers to me.

“I love you too, Annabelle, with all my heart to the moon and back!” I whisper in reply.

She smiles at me, then we go sit down on the sofa, holding hands.

I begin to run my fingers through Annabelle’s hair and she moans with pleasure.

Oliver then bellows, “Cut that out right now and have some decency. I’m sitting right here.”

Annabelle then angrily says, “You’re not my dad, no not even close.”

“This is my apartment though and it disgusts me to see you and him pawing at each other like randy cats.”

Debbie Lou walks in and says, “Why don’t we all eat?”

“Yes, I am hungry,” Annabelle adds in.

“When are you not hungry?” Oliver asks her.

“You’re not exactly skinny yourself, you probably weigh more than me in fact.”

Oliver pompously says, “That’s okay, I am a man and men can be fat. Fat women and fat girls, like you are totally disgusting.”

I am now getting angry and I wish I was able to fight, but I add in, shouting, “Annabelle is not disgusting by any means, in fact, she is the most beautiful young lady I have ever laid eyes upon and I am so thankful to have her in my life.”

Oliver looks at me and says, “What are you, a chubby chaser?”

There’s a silence. He is right, I am attracted to plus-sized women, but I don’t chase them, use them and then dump them like a chubby chaser might do.

I finally reply, “No, I love Annabelle, not anyone else.”

“You probably just stay with her because your back is messed up, you get disability and no one else wants you.”

“I don’t care if no one else wants me, in fact, I am glad because I only want Annabelle and that means there would be no temptation.”

Annabelle looks at me and says, “And I only want you, Johnny. You’re so sweet.” She then looks at Oliver and says, “I don’t know why my mom puts up with you, because you’re nothing but a douche bag.”

“No one is forcing you to stay here, so there’s the door. In fact, if you insult me again, I will indeed kick you and your boyfriend out.”

Debbie Lou then walks in and says, “Annabelle why are you being so disrespectful to my boyfriend?”

“Because he called me fat.”

“Well you do need to lose weight, I’ve been telling you that for years.”

Annabelle then begins crying and says, “It’s not my fault that I am fat. I was molested when I was seven and that threw all of my hormones out of balance.”

Debbie Lou grows very angry and asks, “Who molested you?”

“The principal at school did it. I was sent to his office because I kept talking about romantic stuff and the teacher thought it was inappropriate. This was right after Daddy died and I remembered how you and he were so affectionate to each other and also how he loved me, so I missed witnessing those affections. I guess talking about romance was my way of dealing with it, but then the principal molested me for doing so and that is why I think I started gaining weight. Johnny was the first person I ever told about this and he loves me in spite of it and he also loves me in spite of my weight.”

Oliver sits there speechless, even with a look of guilt on his face.

I hold Annabelle’s face in my chest as tears come out of her eyes profusely.

Debbie Lou begins yelling, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I was afraid you would have whipped me for being sent to the office.”

“If I would have known this, I would have flattened that principal like a bug!” Oliver shouts.

“Oh so now all of a sudden you’re a hero? You harassed me about my weight more than anyone else,” Annabelle says sharply.

Oliver then turns off the television and says, “You’re right. I am so sorry for all of that. I shouldn’t have been so insensitive, I mean you’re the closest thing to a daughter that I have and even though we never got along, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted you to go through that.”

“Well my appetite is ruined, but we need to report this,” Debbie Lou says.

“No such luck, he is now out of the country, probably having his way with countless other little girls,” Annabelle replies.

“What can I do to make amends?” Oliver asks.

“Just be more understanding in the future and not say those ugly things about heavy set women and girls, furthermore, please take care of my mom and stop taking those stupid pills.”

“Okay, I am going to seek treatment for my pill habit, once that is done I can go back to work.”

“That would be a step in the right direction. Now please let’s eat, I am hungry, plus I need to eat to cope with all of this.”

Debbie Lou serves the food and places it in plates on television trays.

Silently we eat dinner…

Back to “A Disabled Electrician turned Writer”

Pay Day for Johnny Joseph Elder-A Disabled Electrician turned Writer

I put my going out clothes on and collect my cell phone, flashlight and pocket knife. It’s pay day for me, as it is the fourth Wednesday of the month. I just checked my bank account online and the $806 I get from disability each month was deposited. Hurricane Alidore came and went with minimal damage. The utilities were restored last week. Speaking of Hurricane Alidore, I go to my kitchen and listen to the forecast on my weather radio. It tells of high heat and high humidity with a significant chance of thunderstorms late in the afternoon. I know I need to get all of my bills paid before the weather gets here.

Annabelle is slowly waking up, when I ask her, “Would you like to come run errands with me, bae?”

“Sure, bae,” She replies, “Let me just get dressed.”

“I can take you out to eat and get us each something as soon as all my bills are paid.”

Annabelle smiles and kisses me, then gets dressed. She officially moved in with me after she graduating high school, four days ago but had been staying with me on and off ever since we met earlier in the month. I’m so lucky to have her in my life and I was so lonely before I met her. It was my elderly and widowed neighbor, Mrs. Angela Fulton, who set us up. I’m very thankful to her for doing so.

In time Annabelle is done getting ready and we leave. We step out of my front door, walk across the porch through the front yard. The weather is hot and humid. We are soon covered in sweat as we arrive on foot at the transit terminal. I renew my monthly bus pass and also purchase one for Annabelle. I pay with my debit card. In seconds, I’m approved by the kiosk terminal. We then board a bus along the main highway route. Soon we are in front of my bank, so I pull the cord and we are let off. We walk into the bank and wait in line. For several minutes, we wait. I guess that is because those of us on disability are all going to the bank today.

Finally, we get to see a teller.

“I can help the next customer in line,” She says.

I tell her, “I want to withdraw $350 from my checking account and pay it to my mortgage account.”

“Yes sir, let me just see your ID.”

I show her my ID and she examines it then pulls up my file. I fill out the withdrawal slip and sign it.

She hands me the cash and says, “Your new balance in your checking account will be $396,” And she hands me a slip with the information.

I hand the cash back to her and I say, “Put that towards my mortgage loan account.”

She takes the cash and enters the amount into the computer and prints me out a receipt, and asks, “Is there anything else we can help you with today?”

“No ma’am that’s it,” I reply.

“Well, then you have a nice day, Mister Elder.”

“You too.”

Annabelle and I leave the bank, then I say, “Now we have to go to Melinda’s to pay off my credit line and my utilities. Do you want to walk or take the next bus?”

“I’ll walk if it’s not too far. I need to lose weight anyway.” She pauses, then continues, “How far is Melinda’s from here?”

“It’s half a mile. Don’t lose too much weight, though, because I think you are sexy just as you are. Of course, I would still want you if you were big as a house or small as a toothpick.”

Annabelle blushes brightly, then she wraps her arms around me and kisses me as we walk on the public sidewalk. I kiss her in return. We begin to rub each others’ backsides and place our hands in each others’ back pockets.

Several passing motorists shout and sound their horns at us.

We are slightly startled but then begin walking hand in hand to Melinda’s.

It takes a while to get there and when we finally arrive we are out of breath.

A blast of cool air hits our sweat soaked bodies as the automatic doors open.

We walk to the customer service desk and I speak with the associate behind the counter, “I need to pay off my revolving account and I also need to pay my utilities.”

“Sure thing Johnny, just give me one second to get the machines ready.”

“No problem,” I tell him.

Soon the computers are up and ready and he asks, “What is your charge account number?”

I write it down on a piece of paper.

He pulls up my file and says “Your balance is $200 even.”

“I’ll pay in it full with my debit card.”

“Alright insert your card’s chip in the terminal.”

A few seconds pass and then my transaction is approved.

A receipt is printed out.

“I also want to pay my utilities. I need $17 on the water, $25 on the gas and $60 on the electric. Thank God for level billing!”

I write down the account number for each of my utility services.

The associate says “That’ll be $102.”

I insert my debit card again and in seconds I am approved.

A minute later I get a text on my phone that says I have a remaining balance of $94 in my checking account.

I tell Annabelle, “Let’s go shopping; I want to get you something nice.”

She nods and we walk around Melinda’s Superstore.

She sees some romance novels on display with the price of 2 for $8.

“I would like two of these books,” She says.

“Say no more,” I tell her.

“What are you going to get for yourself?” She asks me.

“There is a Helping Hand 12-in-1 Precision Multi-Tool in the housewares department for $10 that I’ve had my eyes on for the longest time. I finally get to buy it today.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re able to get it,” She says and kisses me.

With that, we walk to the housewares aisle.

I pull the multi-tool off the shelf and carry it to the register. In the impulse section I see Go Phone Cards. Realizing I need to keep my service on, I pull a $30 phone card off the rack.

We then check out. The cashier asks us, “How did y’all fair out for Hurricane Alidore?”

“A few pieces of siding and roofing shingles were blown off, we were without power for a few days and there were all kinds of debris blown all over my yard, but other than that, we were okay. The storm brought us closer together, though.”

Annabelle winks at me and we rub noses.

“Good I’m glad y’all were okay.”

“How was it for you?” I ask her.

“As soon as I finished my shift, I drove myself and my husband out of the city. He has special needs, so my boss excused me. We went to a shelter at a church two hundreds miles north of here.”

“Thank God, they excused your absence. You know I wouldn’t shop at Melinda’s if the owners and managers treated their employees with cruelty.”

“Oh yes, we are like one big family. Don’t worry about that.”

She finishes scanning my items and says, “Your total is $52.56.”

I insert my debit and in seconds, I’m approved.

Annabelle and I then walk to the food court and I say, “I have a little bit of money for us to each lunch. What would you like?”

“We could split a four-piece fried chicken dinner and each have a side dish. That’s what my mom and my biological dad used to do every payday before he passed.”

“What side would you like?” I ask her.

“Potato salad.”

“Good. I’ll take the coleslaw then. I’ll also get each of us a drink.”

“Thanks, Johnny!” Annabelle says.

We place our order.

The clerk tells us, “That’ll be $13.52.”

I insert my debit card and in seconds I’m approved. We are then given our food and walk to the soda fountain.

I pour a Wild Cherry Pepsi into my cup and Annabelle gets a Mountain Dew Live Wire.

We then sit at a table, say grace and eat. After we are done our meal we refill our cups and sit down and drink relaxingly.

I dial 611 on my phone and add the phone card’s PIN number to my Go Phone account to keep my service on. Then I cut my multi-tool out of it’s packaging with my Klein Electrician’s knife and begin to inspect all of the implements.

Annabelle giggles and tells me, “You look so cute, you remind me of a little kid who just got a new toy.”

“I feel like one too!” I tell her, continuing to play with my new multi-tool.

Afterwards we pick up all of our items, refill our drinks and leave the store. We walk back to my house.

We walk the block, then I unlock my hurricane fence, pass through my front yard, up my steps and I unlock the front door.

Annabelle goes sit on the living room sofa and reads the books I bought her.

I log onto the computer and pay my $29.99 wireless Internet bill.

Seconds later I get a low balance text alert text on my phone from my bank.

It’s okay that my balance is low because all of my bills are now paid.

For a while I browse the Internet doing research on the multi-tool I just purchased.

Suddenly I get a tap my shoulder. I look away from my computer screen.

I see Annabelle standing there in her undergarments.

“You…Me…The bed right now Johnny Joseph Elder!” She says, kissing me with excitement.

“Your wish is my command, Annabelle Jenkins!”

She then pulls off my clothes, then I remove her brassiere and panties. We go to bed together, just as a thunderstorm begins to unleash its fury.

Passionately, we make love, climaxing multiple times, then cuddle all afternoon and into the evening.

Famished from our carnal relations, we begin to make a simple dinner of hot dogs and chili.

I draw some water and put it in a pot and light my gas range as we boil the cheap weiners.

Annabelle hands me a can of store brand chili and I open it with my new multi-tool then pour the chili into a dish and microwave it.

We use sliced white bread as our buns.

As soon as the food is ready, we say grace then eat happily.

After dinner, we do the dishes and then Annabelle reads to me from the novels I purchased her until we are too tired to keep our eyes open.

With that, we go to sleep in each others’ arms.

Back to “A Disabled Electrician turned Writer”

Hurricane Alidore’s Fury-A Disabled Electrician turned Writer

Annabelle and I wake up on my sofa to the sound of howling winds and driving rain.

I look at my watch. It’s 11:22 in the morning.

Several of the feeder bands are passing through the city right now.

I step on the porch and am confronted with a chilling breeze and drizzle.

“Why don’t I make us breakfast? It might be the last home cooked meal we have for a while.”

“Sure,” Annabelle says

I have half a dozen eggs left in my refrigerator which I scramble and add strips of Sharp Cheddar along with a few pats of butter to make an omelet. I put the mixture into a skillet then light my gas range. Afterwards, I pour the last of my milk into glasses for me and Annabelle.

Soon enough breakfast is ready.

We say grace, then eat, smiling at each other.

After all the omelet is eaten and the milk is gone, Annabelle says, “Since you cooked, I’ll do the dishes.”

“Bae you don’t have to do that, you’re my guest.”

“I don’t mind.”

Annabelle clears the table and places the dishes in the sink. She then turns on the water when, suddenly, there is a flash of lightning.

Nervously, I shout, “Annabelle get away from the sink!”

“Why?” She asks with irritation.

“Because I don’t want you to be struck by lightning.”

“But I’m indoors.”

“Lightning can hit the pipes and travel through them.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

“We’ll worry about the dishes later, come sit with me and listen to the radio.”

I pull my Sylvania Boom Box out of the closet and tune it to the news and information station.

The reporters paint a grim picture for the potential of casualties from the storm.

I think about the cashier and her husband and, suddenly, I’m feeling guilty about yelling at my girlfriend.

So, I tell her, “Bae, I’m so sorry I yelled at you. I was just afraid you’d be struck by lightning. All you were trying to do was help me.”

Annabelle rubs the hairs on my chest, then kisses me and says, “That’s all right. I’m glad you look out for me. My mom’s boyfriend always makes me do dishes no matter what the weather.”

“Sounds like a real jerk.”

“He is.”

“Well for future references, you should never do dishes, bathe, shower or talk on a corded phone or use anything that plugs into the electricity while it’s lightning. Lightning can travel through the plumbing, the phone lines, and the electrical wires and kill anyone it comes in contact with. ”

We listen to the radio for a little while longer then, Annabelle says, “Could you switch your boombox to a music station? I want to dance with you!”

“Sure, but I have two left feet.”

“And look how big I am.”

“I think you’re sexy.”

“Well, maybe I think your two left feet are sexy.”

“Say no more, let’s dance, bae!”

I turn the tuning knob all over until finally, I find a station playing music.

Annabelle and I stand on the rug of my living room and we dance until my back hurts and she is out of breath.

We sit back down on the sofa and continue to listen to the music. Soon we are sleepy from breakfast and dancing and we fall asleep on the sofa.

She sits up and I lay in her lap.

Hours pass.

Annabelle wakes me up and says, “Bae I have to go to the bathroom.”

I hear the howling wind and whipping rain then get up off of her. She walks to the bathroom then attempts to turn on the light.

“There’s no power.” She says.

“I think the flashlight I bought you yesterday is in your purse.”

Annabelle grabs her purse then goes into the bathroom and shuts the door.

I get the two flashlights I purchased for myself and walk around my house.

The bright LED circuits illuminate everywhere I go.

Then I go into my kitchen and check the weather radio. I scroll through the messages, which state “Hurricane Warning.”

I then set it down, realizing that I must conserve the batteries.

Annabelle steps out of the bathroom, then I go in by the light of my new flashlights.

After I am done relieving myself, I step out and Annabelle rushes up to me saying, “I’m scared.”

I gently hug her and reply, “I cannot make this storm go away, but I will try my best to comfort you.”

“What should we do?”

“Just hunker down I guess. It’s going to be like this for the next several hours.”

I then step out on my porch. There are several tree branches and roofing tiles all over my yard. Pieces of my vinyl siding are also falling off the exterior of my house.

It’s moments like these that I’m glad I have insurance.

After realizing that I could be hit by flying debris, I step back into my house and bolt the door shut.

“How bad is it?”

“It’s no worse than any other hurricane I rode out-I’ve seen a few. This is the first one I’ve experienced while on my own.”

Annabelle then says, “I usually enjoyed hurricanes because it meant time off from school and eating lots of junk food. Look how fat I am of course I like junk food.”

“Bae, I think you are beautiful. If only you knew how madly attracted I am to you, both body and soul.”

“You’re so sweet to tell me that, but there must be something wrong with you.”

“Well, I guess I’m somewhat of a perv because I’m attracted to plus-sized women.”

“But you’re my perv. And I’m glad to have you.”

I kiss Annabelle sweetly. Her glasses begin to fog up.

“I don’t want to make you do anything you’d regret, but I was wondering if we could cuddle in your bed,” Annabelle says with a bright blush.

“Sure. I would have let you sleep in my bed with me since the first night you stayed over, but I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. You know I do respect and revere you and I always will.”

“You’re so kind and thoughtful. I bet most guys would just use me and then dump me.”

“I’m not most guys.”

“I think God broke the mold after He made you.”

I blush, then kiss her.

Afterwards, there is an awkward silence.

“Well, let’s go cuddle in your bed, Johnny!” Annabelle says.

“Right behind you, bae!” I reply.

We walk to my bedroom and I pull back the blanket and sheets. We stare awkwardly but sweetly at each other for just a moment then climb into bed.

I lay on my back and she lies on her side with her head on my chest.

We share a sweet kiss.

“Take your shirt off!” Annabelle says.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because I think you’re hot!”

Reluctantly I remove my shirt as I say, “I hope you’re not grossed out by all my body hair.”

“Nah, it doesn’t bother me.”

Annabelle begins to rub my chest and then says with excitement, “I could so make love to you right now!”

“I would want you to,” I gently answer.

“Are you sure? I mean I’m not a virgin,” She pauses then continues, “I was molested when I was seven years old. I also think that’s what made me gain weight, you know because it knocked my hormones are out of balance. You’re the first person I tell that to.”

I hold her hands and say, “Then, in my book, you’re still a virgin, unless you’ve been with anyone else?”

“No one else wanted me. What about you?”

“Only one person.”

“Wow, that’s hard to believe as cute as you are.”

Well in retrospect it didn’t mean anything. In fact, she basically used me then left me.”

“What was she like?”

“The sex was okay, the one time we did anything, but she was extremely cruel. We had been seeing each other for a while, then she had me meet her at her apartment one evening. She had taken some sort of drug which made her hypersexual. But she did all kinds of humiliating things to me then she had sex with me. It was erotic I guess for the moment, but there was no love or at least no love from her. I wanted her to love me, so I consented to all of it. The next morning I went to work with the previous night playing over and over again in my head. I was distracted from my work, to say the least, and that’s when I got shocked, lost my balance and fell eight feet and ruined my back. After she found out I couldn’t work, she left me.”

“Was she chubby too?”

“No. She was toned and muscular. I had been turned down my many chubby girls before her, but she, for whatever reason, paid attention to me so that’s why I agreed to sleep with her.”

“How old was she?”

“About thirty-five, I guess.”

“She’s old. We’re you her first?”

“No. She had a young son. I tried to be a father figure to him, but he would stay with her parents whenever she saw me.”

“I would be honored if you gave yourself to me. Know that if we do become intimate, and it’s all up to you, I want to because I truly have feelings for you and I won’t use you and throw you away,” Annabelle gently tells me in an embrace.

“You promise?”

Annabelle nods gently.

Then I say, “I’ve been wanting to love and be loved for a very long time. You seem so perfect for me, so yes I will be intimate with you.”

“Are you sure,” She asks.

“Yes, I am sure as I’ll ever be,” I softly answer.

We then begin to slowly remove each other’s clothing and underwear, then gently become intimate. Passionately and powerfully, we make love to each other.

Annabelle says with passion, as she climaxes “Oh this is so wonderful. It’s like night and day when I compare right now and what happened when I was seven.” Her climax gets stronger and she says “I love you so much, Johnny Joseph Elder!”

I begin to climax as well and say, “I love you too, Annabelle Jenkins-both now and forever!”

“Yes, we’ll be together forever.” She says, panting and moaning with ecstasy.

Hurricane Alidore begins to get stronger and stronger as we continue to make love and climax several more times.

We collapse into the blankets and then cuddle for a while.

Suddenly the wind and rains die down. It’s the eye of the storm.

We get dressed then step out onto my porch and into my front yard.

I look at Mrs. Angela’s house and see that her lights are on. The generator her son and I connected the previous day is working. I am thankful for her sake.

Mrs. Angela steps out of her house and onto her porch and begins to talk to us, “Hello Johnny. Hello Annabelle.”

“Hi.” We reply in unison.

“I’m glad to see that y’all are all right in this storm and I’m just as glad to see that y’all are together.”

“I’m definitely glad you set us up!” I reply.

“Me too!” Annabelle adds in.

I look at my property and see that some of my roofing shingles are missing and some of the vinyl siding is gone. The stop sign at the corner near my house is also gone. There are utility poles collapsed all over the place. These winds were very strong. I know that my insurance will pay for the damage, but there is going to be a deductible. That, combined with the storm is only halfway over brings me into great distress.

Annabelle can see that I’m upset and asks, “What’s the matter bae?”

“I hope my house won’t be too badly damaged because of this storm,” I tell her.

Mrs. Angela adds in, “My house was the first on the block and it stood many hurricanes over the years. Your house was built only a few years after mine and it too stood up to many hurricanes. The only thing that happens is your roofing shingles and your siding get blown away, but those are very small potatoes.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“It’s all going to be okay. You and Annabelle just need to love each other and be good to each other in good times and bad. My husband was always good to me when he was alive and I miss him terribly to this day.”

Annabelle and I hold hands, look at each other and smile sweetly at each other.

Mrs. Angela adds in, “I think y’all should take advantage of having time alone together-if y’all get my drift.”

Annabelle adds in, “We already have and it was wonderful!”

I blush brightly.

“Well then go do it some more-there is a plethora of health benefits associated with coitus, you know!”

Annabelle giggles. I blush more.

Suddenly the winds pick up and the rain starts whipping again. The other half of Alidore is beginning.

“Go love each other!” Mrs. Angela shouts then goes inside.

Annabelle and I go inside and I bolt my front door.

She then tells me with excitement, “I think we should listen to what Mrs. Angela says, bae.”

“So do I,” I answer.

We then walk to my bedroom and begin to make love once again. We have intercourse until we are too tired to move.

Afterwards, we fall asleep in each others’ arms until the next morning…

Back to “A Disabled Electrician turned Writer”

In the Country Part 1-Grocer and Writer (Guy’s Perspective)

My girlfriend and I wake up in each other’s arms shivering. Once I am fully awake and realize we are at my parents’ house in the country, I step out of bed, retrieve my rechargeable flashlight and walk to the thermostat.

I switch my flashlight on, to which the bulb burns out instantly.

So I activate the light switch for the hall light and read the thermostat.

Quickly I realize the furnace isn’t working.

“Come back to bed and keep me warm,” My girlfriend tells me.

“I’m coming right now,” I reply.

We hold each other until the hunger pangs get the better of us.

Slowly we walk to the kitchen.

My mom is putting pancakes and bacon on the table.

We eat in an awkward and tense silence.

I decide to break the silence and say, “I think the furnace is broken.”

“No, it just needs more oil. Why don’t you make yourself useful and go to the hardware store and pick some up?”

I look at my watch, which indicates 7:56 AM, and ask her, “Does it still open at eight in the morning?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’re going right now. I have to get a new bulb for my flashlight anyway.”

“Charge the oil to your dad’s account,” My mom says in a cut and dry tone.

My girlfriend and I get our coats, then we walk to my old Toyota.

I unlock the doors, then open the passenger door for her. Afterwards, I get in on the driver’s side and start my engine.

We drive into town and arrive at the hardware store just as it is opening.

There is a long line, so I browse around.

My girlfriend’s phone rings, so she walks into a corner and takes the call. I hear her talking to her dad.

I continue to browse around and my girlfriend get’s off the phone and walks around the store with me.

Finally, a clerk serves us. He was a classmate of mine in high school.

“Long time no see. What can I get for you?”

“As many First Alert Ready-Lite bulbs as possible and some heating oil.”

“First Alert Ready-Lite, that’s something you don’t hear of anymore.”

“Well, it came with the house I bought in the city.”

“Wasn’t there a terrorist attack there last night?”

“There sure was. We were ordered to evacuate and here we are.”

“That’s a drag. I enjoyed living in the city when I played football at the university on scholarship, but then I was injured and my career was over. Now I work for my dad’s hardware company and try to be the best salesman I can be.”

“It’s a shame how something that happens in an instant can alter a person’s life.”

“Well, I guess it’s for the best. At least you can return to the city when the evacuation is lifted.”

“Yes but to a God-awful job.”

“Where do you work?”

“The Downtown Grocer.”

“Oh yes, I’ve seen their commercials on TV.”

“Don’t let the commercials fool you, they are dirty people. I hate working for them. I’d really like to be a writer.”

“You always did. Some of my teammates knew how their girlfriends were impressed by your writings and were very jealous, so they began to spread false rumors about you.”

“Yes, I am well aware of that. Can we not re-live it? You should have the oil, which I’ll be charging to my dad’s account. Do you have the bulbs or not? If you do, I’ll be paying cash.”

The clerk checks the computer, then says, “I have five packs of bulbs left in stock.”

“I’ll take all five.”

“Could I interest you in a Mini Maglite LED flashlight instead? It runs for five hours on 2 AAA batteries and gives off 111 lumens. Your Ready Lite’s battery only lasts about an hour and there might not be any electricity available at your house to charge it up again.”

“Man it sure sounds tempting, but I don’t have enough cash for both the First Alert bulbs and the Mini Maglite.”

“Charge it to your parents’ account.”

“They’d be livid if I did.”

My girlfriend then says, “I’ll pay for that flashlight with my grocery money.”

“Baby, you don’t have to do that.”

She puts her finger to my lips and says, “But I want to, because I can tell you’d really it. You can pay me back for it the same way you plan to pay me back for the gas money-all night long! Don’t think I haven’t been keeping track!”

I blush, then she kisses me, lovingly.

“All right baby, you know my payment is good,” I tell her.

Several people in the store whisper to each other, then point and stare at us.

I look at the clerk and say, “Charge the oil to my parents’ account. I’ll pay cash for the bulbs and…”

“I’ll pay for that flashlight with my debit card,” My girlfriend interjects.

“Thank you, baby!” I tell her then wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her head.

The people in the store begin to whisper again.

After our items are paid for, we leave the store.

I open the passenger door for her and she kisses me as she steps in.

Then I get in the driver side and I am about to start my car when my phone rings.

It’s my parent’s house phone number, so I take the call.

“Hello,” I answer.

My mom is on the other end and she angrily asks me, “You want to tell me why you and your girlfriend were acting lewd in the hardware store?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. Several people called me and said how she bought you a flashlight and she expects you to pay her back all night long. They all know what that means and it’s disgusting and embarrassing.”

“Who called exactly?”

“That is none of your business because if I tell you, you will mouth off to them and embarrass me more.”

“No, people need to mind their own business, that’s one of the reasons why I got out of the godforsaken country and moved to the city.”

“And I curse the day you moved there too because it ruined your life.”

“But it was a blessing to me!”

“Then why was there a terrorist attack in your city?”

“Because it was a strategic target.”

“No, it was God punishing all of you city dwellers for your wicked ways.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Lose that attitude son and come home with the oil, it’s freezing in this house.”

“All right I am coming.”

We hang up.

I start my car then put it in gear as my girlfriend asks me, “What’s the matter?”

Soberly, I begin to explain, “Now I am not mad at you at all. However, when you are in a small town you need to watch what you say and do in public because everyone is always watching and they are all busybodies.”

“What do you mean?”

“Several people overheard us talking about the flashlight you bought me and how I plan to pay it back. They called my mom and now she is even more angry with us.”

“Oh, my God, what have I done?”

“Don’t beat yourself up, baby. It’s not your fault, you’ve probably never been to a small town, so you just didn’t know that the people would be watching much less how they’d react.”

“I feel terrible, but I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at all. In fact, your awesome combination of kindness and naughtiness turns me on so much that I plan to pay you back all night long and with interest compounded nightly included and tips.”

“I love you so much!”

“And I love you just as much! Now, what did your dad call you for?”

“He was just making sure we were all right because of the terrorist attack and that he’s glad I was with you instead of my mom.”

“That’s a relief. I know you’re eighteen now, but I still want to stay on his good side.”

“Just love me like you do now and I think he’ll have no problems with you.”

With that, we pull up in my parents’ driveway and are confronted by my momma.

Back to “My [Non-Offensive] “Grocer and Writer” Pieces”

Notes on Weather Radios

I first discovered Weather Radios in December of 2001 when I was 14 going on 15. That previous spring and summer I had begun to cultivate an interest in all forms of radio communications. As previously stated, I always had a fascination with weather. So, to me, a weather radio seemed to be a pretty cool device.

I wrote these notes on Weather Radios in the composition book I had been EDCing on October 3, 2018. The main source for these notes I have taken that I will cite is Wikipedia.

Without further ado, here are the notes:

A Weather Radio is a special radio receiver that is designed to receive the signals from government owned radio stations that broadcast weather observations continuously.

Routine reports are interrupted when a weather emergency arises.

Some non weather emergency information may be broadcast such as a natural disaster, civil emergency or terrorist attack.

Broadcasts occur on the VHF High Band.

Two varieties are sold: Home and Portable.

Portable models come with features such as crank power in addition to grid current and batteries for use in an emergency when the power is disrupted. Smaller portable/pocket models do not typically feature Specific Area Message Encoding, but allow outdoor enthusiasts to get weather information in a compact device.

Modern Home models have in addition to Specific Area Message Encoding, visual alert features such as text displays and multi-colored lights. They also have connections to add peripherals such as pillow shakers or bed shakers, strobe lights and loud sirens for people with sensory disabilities. There peripherals can be connected via the weather radio’s accessory port.

NAVTEX gives Global Weather alerts for ships at sea. It is a Low Frequency Teletex broadcast.

In the United States NOAA Weather Radio is a nationwide network of automated weather broadcast stations giving weather information from a nearby Nation Weather Service forecast office. A broadcast cycle lasts between three and eight minutes.

Specific Area Message Encoding activates radios based on the Federal Information Processing System codes and radios equipped with that said feature will only activate when the corresponding administrative division programmed in the radio has an emergency.

Weather Radio Channels and Frequencies:

Original Number…..Frequency…….Marine Number……New Number
WX01…………….162.550 MHz…..39B…………………….7
WX02…………….162.400 MHz…..36B…………………….1
WX03…………….162.475 MHz…..97B…………………….4
WX04…………….162.425 MHz…..96B…………………….2
WX05…………….162.450 MHz…..37B…………………….3
WX06…………….162.500 MHz…..38B…………………….5
WX07…………….162.525 MHz…..98B…………………….6
WX08…………….161.650 MHz…..21B…………………..N/A
WX09…………….161.775 MHz…..83B…………………..N/A
WX10…………….163.275 MHz…..113B…………………N/A

Notes on the Barometer

I have been fascinated by the weather since early childhood.

I have also had a keen interest in sciences of all kinds, throughout my life though I am not very good at it. I mean I am so terrible at science that I don’t even hold an Associate’s Degree.

However, I do spend a good bit of my time engaged in independent learning.

In this page, I will post the transcript of notes I had taken in my composition book that detail information about Barometers.

Without further ado, here they are:

These notes were taken on October 1st and 2nd of 2018.

The main reference that I will cite is Wikipedia as that is where I got the bulk of this material from.

Notes on the barometer and its inventor(s).

Barometers are used in meteorology to measure atmospheric pressure.

Pressure tendency detects short term changes in weather.

Measuring air pressure within surface weather analysis is helpful in locating surface troughs, high-pressure systems and frontal boundaries.

The term “barometer is derived from ancient Greek words which literally translate into words that mean weight and meter/measure.

Evangelista Torricelli (October 15, 1608-October 25, 1647) an Italian physicist and mathematician are credited with inventing the barometer in 1643.

Italian astronomer and mathematician Gapardo Berti (1600-1643) may have also unintentionally created a water barometer sometime between 1640 and 1643.

French scientist and philosopher Rene` Descartes (March 31, 1596-February 11, 1650) described the design of an experiment to measure air pressure possibly as early as 1631 but no evidence is there to suggest that he actually built such an instrument.

On July 27, 1630, Italian mathematician, physicist and astronomer Giovanni Battista Baliania (1582-1666) wrote to Italian polymath Galileo Galilei (February 15, 1564-January 8, 1642) describing a failed experiment in which he made a siphon led over a hill ~21 meters high. Galileo replied explaining that the power of the vacuum held the water up but at a certain height the amount of water was simply too much and the vacuum could not hold anymore, like a cord that can only support so much weight. This was a restatement of “horror vacui” or “nature abhors a vacuum, a theory which dates back to ancient Greek philosopher and scientist, Aristotle (384-322 BC.) Galielo restated this theory as “resistenza del vacuo.”

These theories were published in Galileo’s “Discoursi” and they reached Rome in 1638.

Raffade Magiotti and Berti were excited by these ideas and sought another way to produce a vacuum besides a siphon.

Magiotti devised the experiment and Berti carried it out sometime between 1639 and 1641.

A simple model of this experiment consisted of filling a long tube with water plugged on both ends, then stood up in a water-filled basin. The bottom plug was removed and the water inside the tube flowed into the basin. However, only a portion of the water flowed out of the tube and the height of the water inside the tube stayed at an exact level, which happened to be 10.3 meters or 34 feet, the same height that Galileo and Baliani observed to be limited by the siphon.

The most important detail of this experiment was that lowering the water in the tube left a space above it in the tube with no immediate contact with air. This suggested the possibility of a vacuum existing in the space above the water.

Torricelli, a pupil, and friend of Galileo interpreted the results of this in a novel way. He proposed that it was the atmosphere and not the attracting force of the vacuum that held the water in the tube.

Followers of Aristotle and Galileo thought air to be weightless.

Torricelli questioned and challenged this belief and suggested that air indeed has weight and it was the weight of the air which pushed up and held the column of water.

Torricelli believed that the level of which the water stayed at in the tube (10.3 meters of 34 feet) was reflective of the air’s weight pushing on the water in the basin, thus limiting how much water can fall from the tube into the basin.

Torricelli viewed the barometer as a balance or measuring instrument instead of a device to merely build a vacuum.

Because pf Torricelli being the first to observe this, he is credited as being the inventor of the barometer.

Torricelli’s gossipy Italian neighbors spread rumors that he was engaging in sorcery and witchcraft. Torricelli thus decided to keep his experiments a secret to avoid being arrested by the Roman Catholic Church.

In order to be more covert, he needed a liquid denser than water, to which Galileo suggested he use Mercury. As a result, he only needed a tube that was 80 centimeters long as opposed to 10.5 meters.

*SIDE NOTE*: While I was initially taking these notes on that evening in early October 2018, I decided to take a few sips of Wild Cherry Pepsi in an attempt to temper the sting of depression which I frequently suffer. Soft drinks, while extremely addictive do indeed help me write better and they do help fight depression, at least for me. Wild Cherry Pepsi is my favorite soft drink.

Decreasing atmospheric pressure was initially postulated by French physicist Lucien Vidi (1805-April, 1866.) He later invented the barograph, a device which records the pressure readings of an aneroid barometer.

German writer and polymath Johan Wolfgang Von Goethe (August 28, 1749-March, 22 1832) invented a water driven barometer based on Torricelli’s principles. It is known as the weather ball barometer and is comprised of a glass container with a sealed body half-filled with water. The narrow spout is open to the atmosphere. When the pressure is lower than it was at the time the body was sealed, the level of water in the spout will rise above the water level in the body. When the pressure is higher, the water level in the spout will drop below the water level in the body. This device is known as a “weather glass” or a “Goethe Barometer.

Mercury Barometer:
A vertical glass tube closed at the top sitting in an open Mercury filled basin at the bottom. The Mercury’s weight creates a vacuum at the top known as a “Torricelli Vacuum.” The Mercury in the tube fluctuates until the weight of the Mercury column balances the force of the air pressure bearing down on the reservoir. Higher temperature levels around the instrument will reduce the density of the Mercury, thus the scale must be calibrated in such a way to compensate for this effect. The tube must be as long as the amount of Mercury in addition to the headspace as well as the maximum length of the column.

Torricelli observed slight changes each day in the height of Mercury in the tube and concluded that this was due to changing pressure in the atmosphere.

On December 5, 1660, German scientist, inventor and politician Otto von Guerricke (November 20, 1602-May 11, 1686) observed that the air pressure was unusually low and predicted a storm which struck the next day.

The Mercury barometer’s design made the expression of atmospheric pressure in inches of Mercury popular. The range is typically between 26.5 and 31.5 inches (670-800 millimeters) of Mercury.

One atmosphere is equivalent to 29.92 inches or 760 millimeters of Mercury.

On June 5, 2007, the governments of the European Union restricted the sale of Mercury, effectively ending the manufacture of new Mercury barometers in Europe.

An aneroid barometer uses a flexible metal box instead of any liquid to measure air pressure. It was invented in 1844 by Lucien Vidi. The box is known as an aneroid cell or capsule made from an alloy of Beryllium and Copper.

The evacuated capsules are many times several stacked together to add movement and are protected from collapsing by a strong spring. Any change in the surrounding air pressure causes the capsule to expand or contract.

This movement drives mechanical levers in such a way that their changes are amplified and displayed on the dial face of the instrument. Many models also feature a manually set needle to mark the current observation and compare with previous and future observations so a change can be seen.

Microelectromechanical systems (MEMS) barometers are extremely small ranging size between 1 and 100 micrometers. They are manufactured using photolithography or photochemical machining. These can be found in miniature weather stations, electronic barometers, and altimeters.

Certain smartphones such as the Samsung Galaxy Nexus, Samsung Galaxy S3 through S6, the Motorola Xoom, Apple iPhone 6 as well as higher end Casio and Timex watches have built-in barometers using MEMS technology.

Formulas:
Pressure in atmospheres Patm=p*g*h
Where p=density of Mercury=13,595 kg/meter cubed (sorry I don’t know how to do sub and superscript on here) g=graviation accelaration=9.807 meters per second squared, h=height.
1 torr=133.3 Pascals or 0.03937 inches of Mercury.

My personal commentary:
Most weather predictions for civilians are obtained through the mass media and government run forecasting services. Should our enemies hit us with an EMP all of this will come to a grinding halt.

Personal maybe even homemade barometers may make a comeback should this happen.

After all, we would still want to know when will storms be headed in our area so we can spend time cuddling with bae.

A barometer could possibly give some advanced notice of incoming foul weather.

However, all modern conveniences will be gone so will we actually have the time to cuddle with bae?

The weather might be the least of our worries as I’ve stated before and cuddling with bae might be highly frowned upon because cuddling sometimes leads to intercourse and intercourse ultimately means more hungry mouths to feed…