Louisiana Lima Beans

My former neighbor and informally adopted sister had purchased some dried baby Lima beans the other day and charged me with the task of cooking them.

I made a pot earlier this week and I made another pot yesterday.

I think yesterday’s pot was the better one.

Therefore, this piece will be the recipe required to make that pot of Lima beans.

Without further ado, here we go:

1 Pound of dried Baby Lima Beans (I strongly suggest the Camellia brand.)
Four Slices of Bacon.
Cooking Oil.
Sea Salt and Black Pepper (to taste.)
Cajun Seasoning (also to taste [I strongly suggest the Camp Dog brand.])
White Onions, Red and Green Bell Pepper, Celery (this is known as The Cajun Trinity.)

*Sometimes comes blended with the Cajun Trinity.

Cut the four slices of bacon into neat little half-inch squares, then set aside.

Rinse the dried lima beans thoroughly in a colander under your kitchen tap.

Then place the beans in a decent-sized pot and add enough water to submerge the beans about three inches under.

Place pot on high heat and bring to a rolling boil.

Boil for twenty-five minutes (you may have to add additional water.)

When the twenty-five minutes are up, drain the beans into a colander and set aside.

Take the pot and line the bottom with cooking oil about one-eighth to a one-quarter inch deep.

Add the cut bacon, Cajun Trinity, Black Pepper, Sea Salt, and Cajun seasoning. Also, add the garlic and parsley at this time if not already included in the Cajun Trinity.

Fry contents on medium-high heat, stirring frequently until onions have dissolved and contents are lightly browned.

Add the beans followed immediately afterward by a liberal amount of water.

There should be enough water in the pot there to be at least two to three inches of it on top of the entire mixture.

As beans begin to get soft, mash them against the side of the pot with a wooden spoon and then shove the mashed beans into the mixture.

Adjust Sea Salt and Black Pepper to taste.

Keep the pot on medium-high heat until everything begins to thicken.

At this time, prepare a pot of rice.

Reduce heat to simmer until the liquid in the pot attains a consistency of gravy. Stir occasionally.

Turn the heat off and serve over a liberal amount of rice and enjoy.

Spring and eventually Summer are coming and I’ve been told all my life to pair this dish with some Fried Chicken and Tomato Sandwiches for a wonderful summertime dinner (or supper as the country people refer to it.)

Yes, God gave me the ability to cook food quite well.  Therefore I give him the glory for it!

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Baked Barbecue Chicken

I would love to be able to hone my skills at cooking good barbecue.

However, at the moment, I do not have a barbecue pit nor do I want one because of my current living situation at the time of writing this.

So, I do the next thing and try baked barbecue, which is almost as good as if the food were cooked on a Propane or Butane fired barbecue pit.

I much prefer charcoal and would one day love to try some barbecue made on a wood-fired pit.

In this piece, I will describe my recipe for baked barbecued chicken legs.

I did this almost on a whim earlier this evening and it came out amazing!

First of all, let me describe my homemade barbecue sauce:

I know I must get on everyone’s nerves because I eyeball my seasonings, but I will try to accurately describe the portions and proportions of spices and condiments.

Also, some time ago, I read about putting mayonnaise in barbecue sauce, so I tried it earlier this evening and it came out pretty gosh durn good!

Ketchup AKA Catsup (very liberally)
Mayonnaise AKA My-Nez (three-quarters of this to the amount of Ketchup
Yellow Mustard (five-eighths of this to the amount of Ketchup)
Brown Sugar or Refined Sugar and Molasses (quite liberally)
Cajun Ninja “Pi-Yah” Seasoning (just a quick dash or two)
Black Pepper (sparingly)

You will need either fresh or thawed chicken legs, and I highly recommend Sanderson Farm’s AKA Mrs. Goldie.

Place drumsticks on a sturdy and, if possible, non-stick baking pan.

Preheat oven to 425 Degrees Fahrenheit.

Whilst waiting for the oven to get hot; coat the barbecue sauce on each piece until covered thoroughly.

Allow the sauce to sit on the chicken while the oven is heating, this somewhat allows a marinade to happen.

Once the oven has reached the target temperature, bake for 50 minutes straight.

Maybe turn your kitchen vent on to share the wonderful aroma with your neighbors, while the chicken is baking. Then again, you, the reader, might make them jealous.

Serve and enjoy.

Great side dishes to serve with barbecued meats, of course, are Potato Salad and Coleslaw.

Being on a disability pension, I have to budget every penny, but somehow my God still provides for me and meets my every need. He also provides me with wonderful food! I give Him all the glory because all the glory is indeed His!

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Multi-Racial Sloppy Joe

Yes, as we all should be aware, it is now towards the end of the month.

During this time, those of us on fixed incomes must need to get creative when trying to feed ourselves.

This was especially the case last night (at the time I am typing this piece.)

My wife and I had some grind meat (Cajun for ground beef) and a few other ingredients.

Normally, I would have made us some meatloaf with it, except that our oven is too small at the moment.

So, I made the next best thing, something I call “Multi-Racial Sloppy Joe.”

And this piece will be a recipe on how to make that dish.

I call Multi-Racial Sloppy Joe because it contains ingredients from different cultures and normally I am not one to cross food ethnicities unless I am crossing Cajun and German food.

Here are the ingredients:
Ground Beef AKA Grind Meat
Ketchup (I used the Clover Valley Dollar General Brand)
Imported Medium Hot German Mustard (an import niche brand sold at Big Lots)
Pace Medium Salsa
Red Bell Pepper Relish
Black Pepper
Seasoned Salt

Sliced White Bread or Hamburger Buns (optional.)

Place your grind meat in a pot and cook on medium to high heat until thoroughly browned.

Once browned, add all the ingredients.

I know this must irritate most of you out there, but I almost always eyeball my spices, herbs, and condiments and I did so in this case. Just adjust each ingredient to the taste that you, the reader, will prefer.

I will say that it should be sweet, savory, spicy, and tangy all at once.

Simmer on low to medium heat for about ten minutes and stir frequently.

You can eat this in a bowl almost like chili con carne` or on steamed white bread.

To steam the bread, place slices or buns on a wide microwave-safe plate, then sprinkle a handful of water on the bread and place in the microwave for 25 seconds.

Serve and enjoy!

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Christmas Rice Pudding

I had been enjoying the confectionery dish of rice pudding since my twenties.

I also associate it with Christmas time, which is my favorite season.

So much so that, I was hoping and wishing that there would be a version of Android known as “Rice Pudding” and that it would be released around Christmas one year. I may have even posted to social media about that.

I want to give kudos to a friend of mine and my wife for posting a MEME containing the ingredients of a recipe simple recipe for rice pudding.

This piece will be a modified version of that recipe.

Here is what you, the reader will need:

White Rice
Refined Sugar
Whole Milk
Pure Vanilla Extract
Almonds from a can of Planter’s Winter Spice Nuts (optional)

If there is enough rice left over from your evening meal, it will do nicely, if not boil a cup or two of white rice. Add a tablespoon or two of butter to the boiling rice.

After the rice is soft and fluffy, pour it into a mixing bowl.

Add milk until all grains of rice are covered. Next combine 1 to 2.5 tablespoons of refined sugar, a tablespoon of vanilla extract, and at least a dash of Cinnamon.

At this time, garnish the dish with the Almonds from the can of Planter’s Winter Spice Nuts.

I musts needs give my God the Glory in Jesus’ Name. I had been developing a peanut allergy since the age of 15. It began to worsen at the age of 31, to the point where I could no longer eat peanuts.

However, at the age of 34 going on 35, God healed me of that allergy, so I can eat peanuts again.

I am especially grateful because one food item I always bought around Christmas time was the Planter’s Winter Spice Nuts. This year, I bought a can and I also bought a can of Planter’s Holiday Nut Crunch for my lovely wife.

Stir the entire mixture briskly.

Enjoy right away or chill in the refrigerator and enjoy after it is cold.

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Chicken Sauce Piquante

I grew up in Raceland, Louisiana, which for some time was known as the Sauce Piquante Capital of the World.

From 1979 until about 1994, for every first weekend in October, the Sauce Piquante Festival was held on the grounds of saint mary’s nativity catholic school and church.

Then the bishop at the time had the festival banned.

Some say it was banned because people dressed in clothing deemed inappropriate (it is still considerably hot in Louisiana in early October.)

Others say it was banned because of the drunkenness taking place on school and church grounds (I am not condoning drunkenness but I realize that it many times goes hand in hand with festivities and merry-making.)

It could be likely for a combination of these two reasons in addition to other factors, but every subsequent bishop has upheld the ban.

What is so hypocritical about this ban on something that was a source of mostly good clean fun and a decent source of income, is that those in the roman catholic church turned a blind eye to the sexual molestation of children by priests, the physical abuse of children by nuns, priests having carnal relations with nuns and married women and if you, the reader, would open up a Bible a read it you will quickly realize that the roman catholic church is also blatantly guilty of all kinds of abominations and blasphemies.

I was raised catholic, mostly in name only, but now I cannot endorse anything catholic and maintain a clear conscience.

All right, I’ve said enough about that, at least for now.

After all, this piece is meant to be about making a recipe for Chicken Sauce Piquante.

So here we go.

For those wondering, Sauce Piquante is a spicy tomato-based stew originating from South Louisiana and may be made with rabbit, domestic chicken, turtle, alligator, and sometimes even various types of fish and has been one of my favorite dishes for some time. My version is done with boneless chicken thighs.

In the earlier parts of 2022, I took it upon myself to make it and was thoroughly impressed by the results.

It was everything I wanted it to be and even more.

Here are the ingredients that are needed:

One Pound of Fresh Boneless Chicken Thighs
One 15-ounce can of Tomato Sauce
Cajun Trinity Seasoning (Chopped White Onions, Chopped Green and Red Bell Peppers, Chopped Celery)
Cajun Seasoning (I highly recommend Swamp Dog brand)
Two Cloves of Garlic (if I had to guess)
Two Handfuls of Chopped Green Onions or Shallots
Cooking Oil
Black Pepper
A Bay Leaf or Two
White Medium Grain Rice
Louisiana Hot Sauce or Tabasco Original Red Sauce (or Both) to taste
Brown Sugar to taste.

Place a medium to a large pot on medium to high heat and line the bottom of the pot with cooking oil.

Add the Trinity Seasoning, until you cannot see the bottom of the pot clearly through the oil.

Combine the garlic, shallots, Cajun Seasoning, Black Pepper, and Parsley.

Stir frequently until slightly browned in oil while adding in the hot sauce(s.)

Add in chicken and sear allowing the juices from the meat to combine with the seasoning base.

If I had to guess, do this for about 20-30 minutes but individual results may vary.

Finally pour in the tomato sauce and lower the heat.

At this time you may add some brown sugar to taste, but I advise only adding a minuscule amount.

Simmer for about an hour, stirring frequently.

During the final twenty minutes cook the rice.

Serve main dish over the rice and enjoy!

I hope that you, the reader, enjoy this special dish as much as I have.

Furthermore, if you now have your suspicions about catholicism, then you are on the right track.

Click here to know the Truth about how one can make it right with God Almighty!

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Sweet and Tangy Easy Coleslaw

I have an uncle by marriage who is a retired welder by trade but also one of the best cooks I ever met. Not only is he an amazing cook, but he also works well with his hands and was always fixing stuff for everyone. I still go to him when I can’t fix something myself.

I think I like his cooking more than anyone else’s that I know.

He grew up in the River Region of South Louisiana and I think his proximity to the Mississippi River and the people that surrounded him is what makes his cooking so wonderful.

It is also the fact that he is part Cajun and part German.
In my honest opinion, those two groups of people produce some of the world’s best foods! Normally, I don’t believe in crossing ethnic lines when preparing food, however, I make that one exception when it comes to blending the Cajun and German ways of cooking because the results are nothing short of downright amazing.

Years ago, this gentleman was describing his coleslaw recipe to my paternal grandparents and I happened to be paying attention as I always enjoy anything he cooks.

I will admit that there are nearly countless ways to make coleslaw and I will also admit that none are created equal.

Some are wonderful, others are downright awful.

I think the reason why so many people dislike coleslaw is that they have tasted one too many downright awful renditions of coleslaw.

The recipe I am describing is a rough estimate of what my uncle by marriage would make.

His special ingredient is pineapple juice, which enhances the sweetness and brings out the tanginess.

I will also say that while my wife likes pineapple, I don’t care for it.

However, using pineapple juice in the coleslaw recipe is perfect, even for me!

I have also seen pineapple juice featured in some barbecue sauce recipes.

However, I tried this coleslaw recipe today (as I am writing this post) and I must admit that it is one of the better, if not the best versions of coleslaw I have ever tried.

The recipe is quick, simple, and, affordable.

You, the reader, will need the following:

1 pound of fresh shredded green cabbage and Julien Carrots combined
6 Fluid Ounces of 100% Pineapple Juice
1.5 cups of Mayonaise
Refined Cane Sugar to taste (at least a quarter cup)
1.5 teaspoons of black pepper

Bring all ingredients together in a mixing bowl and vigorously stir until all is consistent and even.

Chill in the refrigerator for at least an hour.

Serve and enjoy!

The ideal New Years Dinner recipe for me would be barbecued pulled pork sandwiches with coleslaw as the condiment.

Of course, coleslaw goes very well with any form of barbecued meats, but also fried chicken and as a topping on hot dogs and hamburgers, believe it or not!

I hope that, you, the reader, enjoy this recipe and if you indeed do, be sure to give God the glory, because He is the One Who gifted me with the ability to cook.

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Special K Treats

I dreamed about my Maw Maw (God rest her soul) early this morning. The dream entailed me being inside her house and my family wanting me to figure out how to operate her new thermostat. I could hear her talking from one of the rooms in the house. I was slightly sad when I woke up, even though I woke up next to my beautiful and blessed wife.

While I didn’t see eye to eye with her on numerous topics, I did admire her cooking and I take a considerable deal of inspiration from her cooking.

Also, I sat with her during the final year of her life and while she would pick fights with me on political matters, she also helped me hone my cooking skills.

Since 2019, I have been a staunch Moderate on the political spectrum, but my Maw Maw assumed that I was a conservative. She was a lifelong FDR Liberal and had her television locked on MS NBC.

When she would pick a fight with me about whatever was being said on television, I would rebuff how that is her channel’s narrative.

She would then accuse me of watching Fox News, to which I would again rebuff how could I watch Fox News because I don’t have cable. I was telling the truth, I wasn’t lying, because I see no use in subscribing to cable and am perfectly satisfied with broadcast television.

It never sunk in though because we would argue about this at least once a day, whenever I sat with her.

It truly broke my heart watching her get upset over whatever was reported on the news instead of just trying to enjoy the last year of her life.

Whenever the argument would stop, she would ask me to fix both of us something to eat, usually a piece of Boudin, which is a spicy sausage consisting of ground pork, seasonings, and rice cased in hog intestines. It is one of the most delicious Cajun dishes there is.

My Maw Maw also helped me perfect my Red Beans and Rice recipe and she enjoyed my spaghetti.

We would eat our meal or snack and all would become peaceful.

There was one dish my Maw Maw created that I adored.

The dish was known as Special K Treats and she frequently made them along with some form of fried chicken, to have food while traveling on road trips.

There is also a local Louisiana grocer known as Frank’s that makes a version of this dish.

Today I made my version of it, which I shared with my wife, my adopted sister, my adopted niece, and their company.

This piece will describe the recipe in detail so that you, the reader, can try it for yourself:

I had eyeballed the ingredients, as most Louisiana cooks do, so individual results may vary.

4 Cups of Special K Original Cereal
1 Cup of Light Corn Syrup (Karo will do)
3-4 Tablespoons of Refined Cane Sugar
2 Teaspoons of Pure Vanilla Extract
2 Tablespoons of Butter
4 to 4.5 Tablespoons of Peanut Butter (I prefer Jif)

Place stove exactly on Medium Heat. Then in a decent-sized pot, pour the corn syrup, sugar, vanilla extract, and butter. Stir until all is even. Bring to a very light boil.

As soon as the boiling commences, shut the stove off and combine the peanut butter.

Once again stir until the mixture is consistent and even.

Add the Special K Cereal and stir until the pieces are evenly crushed and coated.

Take a serving spoon and place the mixture on a non-stick pan and let cool for about 20-30 minutes.

Cut into sizes of individual liking and enjoy!

This snack keeps at any temperature and is excellent for traveling, just as my Maw Maw intended it to be.

If I ever have to evacuate from a hurricane again, I plan to pull an all-nighter and make some fried chicken in addition to this snack, so we can have our food and eat in the vehicle or at the shelter.

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Semi Healthy Milkshakes

My parents bought knockoff food products instead of national brands most of the time. One of their knock-off brands of choice was “Shur Fine.” They especially purchased the cereals of this brand.

All in all, there was a “Shur Fine” version of Kellog’s Rice Krispies that my parents would often buy and there was always interesting literature on the back of the cereal box.

I remember, a few times, there were some healthy recipes to make meals, snacks, and desserts.

These were published when I was either a tween or an early teen something. So this would have been between 1998 and 2001

One dessert that stuck out to me was how to make milkshakes but with a healthier and cheaper alternative to ice cream.

This piece will be a slight modification of the recipe that I remember from the cereal box.

The main facet is instead of using ice cream which is expensive and not always healthy, use frozen bananas in its place.

Freezing the bananas makes them as sweet as ice cream because it allows their naturally occurring sugars to crystallize.

Also, might I add that while the price of food (especially dairy products) has been adversely affected by this gosh durn inflation we are all suffering from, bananas have pretty much stayed the same price. I do not know why but I am thankful.

I am currently newlywed and with gift cards given to me by my two paternal aunts, I purchased a smart television and a blender.

I had needed a blender for years but for some reason never got around to purchasing one.

My first smart television (a gift from my brother and his wife) was done in by a wicked woman named Ida.

I do plan to write a review on this new television in the not-so-distant future, so stay tuned everyone.

So, now that we have a blender my wife and I enjoy these milkshakes several times a week as our dessert.

At this time, I will break down how to make them.

Here are the ingredients:

3 Large Ripe Bananas
Milk (I choose Whole but the original recipe calls for Skim)
Malted Milk Powder (I choose Nestle’s Carnation Original)*
Chocolate Syrup (I am very partial to Nestle’s Nesquik)
Pure Vanilla Extract (optional)*

Take the three large ripe bananas, peel them, place them in a sealed freezer bag and freeze them at least overnight.

So, I am indeed from Louisiana and that means that I rarely, if ever, measure my ingredients when preparing anything edible.  The following are rough estimates, individual results may vary.

When ready to prepare place the three frozen bananas in a blender, and add milk until filled three-quarters full.

Next add a scoop of malted milk powder, a squirt of chocolate syrup, and a few drops of vanilla extract (if you so desire.)

Place the lid on the blender, hold it down and power up. Blend until the mixture looks like the thick version of chocolate milk.

Serve and Enjoy.

May God richly bless you and be sure to acknowledge and thank Him before consuming this and any other food that you, the reader, are blessed with.

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Gourmet Four Cheese Macaroni

I think that just about any child would be satisfied with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, for dinner whether as a side or even the main course, even if it needs some extra flavorings. I sure did, although I would frequently add Ranch dressing to mine.

However, as children transition to teens and then adults, their tastebuds change and grow more complex.

I know that in my mid-thirties (at the time of composing this piece) any kind of instant macaroni and cheese dinner is way too bland and sometimes not even some high-end Ranch dressing can help it.

So, back in the latter parts of 2020, I was hanging out with my then neighbors (I say then because we are no longer neighbors due to the wicked deeds of a woman named Ida.)

They were given a bag of plain elbow pasta and were wondering how to make it into a worthwhile meal.

Since I had begun to cook for them around that time, I came up with a wonderful version of macaroni and cheese that I will share the recipe thereof in this piece.

First here are the ingredients that you will need:

Dried Elbow or Shell Pasta.
Whole Milk.
Mild Cheddar.
Parmesan, Romano, and Asiago Cheese Blend.
Olive Oil.
Red and Green Sweet Bell Pepper Flakes.
Black Pepper.
Garlic Powder.
Table Salt (only if you choose not to use Bacon.)

The Seasoning Base:
First of all, take a decent-sized saucepan and cover the bottom with Olive Oil.

Next, add the Bell Pepper Flakes, Basil, Black Pepper, and Olive Oil, then take at least two strips of bacon, cutting them into one-inch squares. In order to know when you have enough seasonings, you must not be able to easily see the bottom of the saucepan. Sautee the mixture, stirring frequently until everything is caramelized.

Once the seasoning base is caramelized, add whole milk to the saucepan until it is 5/8 full.

Combine Shredded Mild Cheddar along with the Parmesan, Romano, and Asiago Cheese Blend. Add enough until the milk is no longer pure white. Then add a liberal amount of Parsley.

If you chose to forego using bacon, this would be the time to add salt to taste. It will require a considerable amount of salt, though, in my humble and honest opinion.

Lower the fire and stir almost continuously until the sauce is thick, then put the fire on the lowest setting and keep stirring though not as much.

Take another pot and fill with water and bring to a boil.

Add the Shell or Elbow Pasta and a few drops of Olive Oil.

Boil until pasta is soft.

Drain pasta in a colander whilst running cold water (this is to preserve the drain seals of your kitchen sink.)

Place pasta back into the pot, give the sauce a couple of vigorous stirs then combine sauce and pasta.

Mix until all is well blended.

Serve and enjoy.

This is a great side dish to entrees such as pork chops or fried chicken or baked barbecued chicken. Another side item I would highly recommend with such a meal is sweet peas, which I have been meaning to post my recipe for them to this blog as well.


You can also refrigerate this dish overnight, reheat it in your microwave oven and serve it the next day. It will taste even better because all of the flavors were given a chance to fuse properly.

I remember a former in-law of my then neighbors commenting on how I should be a gourmet chef after she tasted this creation of mine.

I explained to her that not even a gourmet chef would make the necessary amount of money or have the required benefits needs to meet my medical needs. And if that weren’t enough I know due to my mental limitations, I cannot withstand the amount of pressure that is associated with such an occupation nor could I take the back pain from standing all day and moving pots continuously. I have no Culinary Arts degree, rather I am all self-taught. I must needs admit acknowledge that my ability to cook is indeed a gift imparted to me from God Almighty!

All in all, I hope that you, the reader, have been inspired by the culinary creation and always I hope you have been informed, enlightened, and maybe even entertained.

May God richly bless you as He has blessed me!

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Home Made Hamburgers

Hamburgers were my favorite food from some time in infancy all the way to my early twenties, when I upgraded to Buffalo Chicken. Still, the hamburger has a place in my heart (hopefully it doesn’t choke my heart with all the cholesterol it contains.)

While covering other interesting topics, I plan to use this piece to present a hamburger recipe that I invented but the inspiration came elsewhere.

Family members of mine frequently tuned their television sets to the New Orleans station WWL-TV. There was a gentleman employed by that station named Frank Davis. He did reports on hunting, cooking, and fishing. In addition to those, he often covered humorous or light-hearted pieces of news, to which he applied the phrase “Naturally N’Awlins.” Prior to his employment at WWL-TV, he worked as a Wildlife and Fisheries Agent. Sadly he passed away in 2013, but the Interstate 10 Twinspan Bridge over Lake Ponchitrain connecting New Orleans to its suburb of Slidell, Louisiana, was rightfully renamed the “Frank Davis Naturally N’Awlins Bridge” in his honor. N’Awlins is a butchered pronunciation of “New Orleans” by the locals. By the way, this piece will have several references and explanations of Louisiana colloquialisms. I feel the need to point these out because I am proud of my Louisiana heritage. I feel the need to explain because I realize that this blog has readers from around the world and they would not appreciate these Louisiana-isms without a due explanation.

It was from watching one of his pieces on either my parents’ or grandparents’ television sets as a preteen, likely while waiting to catch the school bus that I was inspired, at least partially, to come up with what I think is the near-perfect recipe for homemade hamburgers. Individual results may vary.

I’ll admit that I am still fine-tuning this recipe, but I think I have it mastered well enough to share with the world.

If you, the reader, are wondering what was so special about Frank Davis’ Home Made Hamburger recipe, I will tell you:

He fried the ground meat (or grind meat, as my former Bayou Blue neighbors say) in Mayonaise (or “my-nez” as all the Y’ats say.) I say former neighbors because a wicked and abusive woman named Ida drove me out of Bayou Blue and I hate her for it! Frank Davis was obviously a Y’at but I cannot remember for the life of me how he pronounced the word mayonnaise. For those of you who wonder where is Bayou Blue, it is a community on the Northeastern outskirts of Houma, Louisiana. And for those of you who wonder about Houma, it is a small city between South Central and Southeast Louisiana, the seat of government for Terrebonne Parish, named after the Native American Houmas tribe. And finally, a Parish is an administrative subdivision used in Louisiana that is the equivalent to a county or borough elsewhere in the United States. People in certain parts of Terrebonne Parish, pronounce ground meat as “grind meat” for whatever reason and I find it amusing. Maybe I should have been a linguist because I like to study dialects and I find certain regional colloquialisms to be of much humor. Speaking of regional colloquialisms, a Y’at, for those who do not know, is typical, though not exclusively, a white person native to the Greater New Orleans area. They are known for saying certain phrases, such as, “Where y’at?” (a contraction of “Where you at?” which is a form of asking “Where are you?” or “What is your location?” or in the case of CB radio “What’s your twenty?”) Y’at English is very similar to Brooklyn or Long Island, New York English. My theory behind that as I was presented by a former friend and neighbor is that most of the white children in New Orleans went to catholic schools and natively spoke French (either Cajun or Creole French.) However, these catholic schools were taught by a detachment of nuns from Brooklyn and they taught these children how to speak English but in the Brooklyn dialect. So the white catholic population of Greater New Orleans learned English in this fashion and it is still widely spoken to this day, especially by the older members of that population.

Now, since we have all of that explained (and I hope you, the reader, found it amusing or at least educational), let’s get down to the business at hand.

I wish to present the recipe for what I think is a durn good homemade hamburger but why don’t you try it for yourself.

I don’t know exactly what Frank Davis added to his ground beef prior to frying it in mayonnaise, but my version deviates somewhat from that. I don’t exactly fry the hamburger patties in the mayonnaise, rather I add it to the mixture along with other herbs and spices.

So, here are the ingredients:

Sesame Seed Hamburger Buns
Fresh or Frozen, then Defrosted Ground Beef
Onion Powder
Garlic Powder
Black Pepper
Panko Bread Crumbs
Mayonaise of your choice, as long as it’s authentic
Large Tomatoes (I prefer the Creole variety)
Shredded Iceberg Lettuce
Large White Onions

First, take either a skillet or use your griddle, grease it with a very minute amount of the cooking spray of your choice (Pam would suffice) and light your burner, and raise to high heat, thus allowing your cookware to get hot. This will save cooking time.

Next, while your griddle or skillet is getting hot, take a large mixing bowl. I like to borrow the ones that my mom purchased from Schwegmann’s back in the day. For those who don’t know, Schwegmann’s was a legendary, but now defunct, grocery chain in the New Orleans area, that existed from 1869 to 1995. It (and The Real Superstore-another New Orleans grocer and competitor to Schwegmann’s) was the inspiration for Melinda’s Massive Supermarket that appears in several stories I wrote over the years.

Then add the fresh or defrosted ground beef.

Add the mayonnaise, I would suggest one to one and a half tablespoons per pound of ground beef.

Add in the parsley, garlic powder, onion powder, black pepper, and bread crumbs.

Just eyeball the seasonings. When each of the bits of herbs and spices is evenly distributed and visible throughout the entire mixture, then you should have enough. One thing about Louisiana cooking that probably annoys the rest of the world is that we hardly ever measure our herbs and spices. We tend to just wing it or eyeball it and somehow we still have one of the best if not the best cuisine in the world.

Thoroughly mix everything together by hand. This part is the most unpleasant because it results in very greasy hands. And just for CYB purposes please disinfect your hands before and after mixing these ingredients.

Next form the mixture into patties of your choice of width and thickness. This all depends on how many you are feeding and how you like your hamburgers. I typically make them the size that is 2-3 times thicker than what would be sold at Burger King or Wendy’s, but slightly less wide.

There is no need to add salt because the mayonnaise makes the patties salty enough.

Also, the mayonnaise is a more flavorful substitute for just plain raw eggs and is what makes this recipe stand out from other hamburger recipes.

Finally, the Panko Bread Crumbs is a binding agent, helping hold the patties together, especially whilst cooking.

Many of you New Orleans people would like to use Blue Plate Mayonaise and that is fine. However, I find that store brand mayonnaise has more flavor. The two brands I am partial to are the ones labeled as “Rouse’s” which is another fine Louisiana grocery chain. Or Best Choice which is distributed in several grocery stores that are supplied by Associated Wholesale Grocers, of which Rouse’s is currently one. But, I suppose, that Kraft or Hellman’s would also suffice.

Place patties in skillet or griddle and reduce to medium heat. Press down on the patties with your spatula and consistently flip them until there is no more pinkness in the patties. I must add that the patties should be flipped frequently enough to prevent charring

For CYB purposes, take a meat thermometer, and make durn sure that the innermost core of the patties has reached a temperature of 160 Degrees Fahrenheit, which is 71.11 Degrees Celsius AKA Centigrade or 344.261 Kelvin!

While the last of the patties are near done cooking, take your Sesame Seed Buns and place them on a large, microwave-safe platter and sprinkle some water from your kitchen tap on them. Place them in the microwave oven for roughly 45 seconds. This results in a delicious steamed bun.

While waiting for the buns and the patties to slightly cool, slice your tomatoes into about one either eighth or one-quarter inch thick round slices. Then slice your raw white onion into round slices one-eighth of an inch thick.

Place a generous amount of mayonnaise on both the inner sides of the top and bottom half of the buns. The messier, the better. Many Y’at’s judge the goodness of a sandwich by how many napkins are needed whilst eating it. The more napkins, the better the sandwich!

Next, add the pattie on top of the inner side of the bottom half of the bun.

Place one tomato slice on top of the pattie, then place the 3 to 4 rings on raw white onion on top of the tomato slice. Top the onion slices with a handful of shredded Iceberg Lettuce, then place the top half of the bun over the lettuce and press down until the Hamburger Sandwich is compact.

Repeat the process until all are prepared this way.

Serve and enjoy.

Now you, the reader may need to make some modifications to this recipe as you see fit.

Remember, I am still fine-tuning and may give updates in the future as I could change this recipe some.

I must admit that I have no culinary degree at all and that cooking and anything else in which I have any considerable skill, I either taught to myself through independent learning and in reality, is a gift imparted to me by God Almighty. If you tried and enjoyed my recipe or it has inspired you to create a similar recipe, give the glory to God and just realize that he used me but all glory is due unto Him!

I hope that you the reader, have enjoyed this piece and that you were informed, enlightened, and maybe even entertained.

May God richly bless you!

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