I’ve been Carrying a Flashlight Permanently for Fifteen Years

I have been fascinated by flashlights since infancy. Almost everyone in my immediate circle and probably most of my readers is well aware of this. Because I am fascinated by flashlights, I want to always have one with me. I had been carrying flashlights on me on and off throughout my childhood and teen years.

…But…

On May 5, 2005, I decided to carry a flashlight on me everywhere I could.

That was fifteen years ago today.

I have pretty much held to that decision and there have been very few times that I have not carried a flashlight on me since.

I can probably count those times on one hand.

I would have carried a flashlight permanently on me much sooner in life but while I was in the upper levels of grade school, I was mocked and harassed for liking flashlights by other kids.

By my late teen years, I didn’t give a durn.

So, what made me decide to start carrying a flashlight on me?

We can go back to the Autumn of 2003 to answer that.

I was a sophomore in high school and some thunderstorms had gone through the area, knocking off the power.

We had to sit in class in the pitch-black classroom.

My Mom teaches at the same high school I attend and my EDC bag was definitely in her vehicle. I had an Energizer SuperCharge rechargeable LED flashlight in there.

I had offered to go to my Mom’s vehicle and get my flashlight but due to security reasons, the teacher refused.

It drove me crazy that I was in total darkness and couldn’t do anything about it.

This would be the catalyst for me to get interested in flashlights again.

A few months prior, I had a 4 D Cell Maglite that was ruined by leaking batteries so I was hesitant to sink too much money into an expensive flashlight.

This is why I didn’t own tactical flashlights right away.

I even helped with parking for football games and the cops that were working security details laughed at me for not having a tactical flashlight.

I either had a very cheap Rayovac Value Lite or my Energizer Supercharge.

I had known about SureFire since February of 2003 while reading a Gall’s catalog, but I knew I could never afford one.

In January of 2004, I had my first of many ear infections and while waiting to get some medicine filled, I was looking at the flashlights in Wal Mart.

I wanted a small pocket-sized model to carry discreetly but wouldn’t get a Mini Maglite because of what happened to my first Maglite flashlight.

I bought a 2 AA Lumilite Industrial flashlight which I would have until 2007 when the switch gave out. I did indeed carry it, but not religiously.

Fast forward to June of 2004, I bought one of my favorite flashlights of which I would own several, a Garrity Mini Rugged Lite, on clearance at K-Mart. Unfortunately, while I was hospitalized in the late Spring and early Summer of 2004, it was ruined by leaking batteries.

I was more interested in buying radio equipment than flashlights at this point in my life anyway, so that is why I only bought cheaper flashlights.

On October 24, 2004, I shopped at Academy Sports and Outdoors for the first time and was amazed by the wide selection of tactical flashlights sold there.

However, I could never afford them as an unemployed seventeen-year-old.

…Fast forward to May 1, 2005…

My Mom wanted to go shopping at the Wal*Mart in Galliano, Louisiana, and she wanted me to come with her.

I wanted to come anyway, so I could listen to boat traffic on the Gulf Intracoastal Waterway with my scanners while on our way down there.

I think my Mom wanted to buy some craft supplies, so I went looking in the sporting goods and eventually at the flashlights.

It was there that I first saw a tactical style Garrity LED flashlight with red and blue lens filters and a Nylon pouch.

And it was under $15!

I didn’t have any cash on me that day, but I knew I would be buying one soon.

For the next few days, I hustled, doing whatever chores I could to come up with the $15 or so.

Finally, on May 5, 2005, I had enough cash and I went to the West Houma Wal*Mart and purchased one.

A friend also gave me cash to purchase one for him.

Ever since then, I have been carrying a flashlight on my person.

It came in handy after Hurricane Katrina and I subsequently upgraded to other flashlights since.

During other power failures at school and on jobs I previously held, I was always one to pull out my flashlight.

More recently, it has helped me in church whilst trying to locate switches for the light and sound systems.

Almost no one harasses me about carrying a flashlight anymore, and those that did aren’t in my life anyway.

I don’t know why people would want to harass me for liking flashlights. Have they not heard of ‘to each his own’?

No one is harmed because of my flashlight fascination, but quite a few are helped.

Currently, I alternate between carrying a Streamlight Jr. and a Wowtac A1, but I have tried a plethora of other models.

I don’t care anymore if someone harasses me for liking flashlights and as long as The Good Lord wills it, I will carry a flashlight on me for the rest of my life.

I look forward to seeing advances in LED and battery technology and I’m sure will be amazed at what the next fifteen years will bring.

This, therefore, concludes my piece on how I’ve been carrying a flashlight on me for the past fifteen years.

I hope you, the reader, have been informed and entertained!

Back to “Personal Reflections”

 

Post Modernism’s Influence on my Thinking and Writing

Post Modernism has heavily influenced my later writings, I think that is obvious. It was since my late teen years that I was first exposed to it and at least on the subconscious level, it began to inspire me and take root. It wouldn’t be until my early twenties that it had begun to shape my writing.

In this piece, I will try and describe, how Post Modernism has influenced and inspired my writing. I will try to explore in greater detail than before how I was inspired to write these two stories. I think you, the reader, will be shocked when you find out how far back the inspirations go. I will also touch on the fact that Post Modernism is indeed very much in conflict with my Christian faith.

However, when I allow them to coexist within my heart and mind, I can write some beautiful things. However, Post Modernism is dangerous in all matters concerning the soul and I will admit that until the cows come home. The reason why I find Post Modernism so dangerous to the soul is because it strongly teaches that there is no absolute truth. In fact, I often joke how the Roman Governor Pontius Pilate was the world’s first adherent of Post Modernism, when he asked Christ, “What is truth?” As referenced in the Bible, John 18:38. Pilate eventually went crazy and likely never got saved.

The stories I have written under the influence of postmodern thought were inspired by many external factors that occurred on both my conscious and subconscious levels. Some of these inspirations can be traced back to the Spring of 2005. While there were others, I think the one that stands out the most is my infamous “Grocer and Writer” stories, though I didn’t begin the actual writing of them until the evening of June 30, 2014, and I began writing its replacement, “A Disabled Electrician Turned Writer” in February of 2017.

In a high school Psychology class, back in the Spring of 2005, we were working on an assignment to describe a house and to exchange it with a classmate, but if I remember correctly not to identify yourself. I immediately thought of an older house in the suburbs of New Orleans and in that house is a young man cuddling in bed with his girlfriend. I don’t exactly remember how I wrote it, but I know it was in better detail than the simple mentioning of it in this piece. I know exactly what inspired me to write that, but I am not going to reveal it, because a lot of people in my immediate circle will be angered if I do. When I witnessed what I wrote, almost a year prior, you, the reader, could say I had been exposed to Post Modernism for the first time since an unmarried couple that was cuddling in bed was and likely having relations as well was considered a sin, but here I was exposed to it. The person whom I exchanged it with seemed irritated in her answer to what I wrote and while I remember her name well, I will not mention it. Even though I was on a terrible medication and not very creative at that point in my life, I could still think of stuff like this from time to time. However, the little I was writing at this point in my life was totally different and even old fashioned, compared to the very urbane nature of my stories that reflect postmodern American society, especially those in this piece.

Fast forward to December of 2005, I began writing an anti-Christian Cult story, known as “The Textfile.” I’m not knocking Christians except for a few sects that teach how one must speak in tongues to be saved. That very teaching caused great distress in me. However, I now know that it isn’t Biblical and is borderline blaspheming in my book. I was initially inspired to write it whilst walking around the Houma suburb of Bayou Cane, Louisiana, but also, I had recently watched, “The Notebook” on DVD. I completed it in May of 2006, but then erased it sometime in 2013. In 2017, I began rewriting it strictly from memory, though it too is much more urbane than the original. I completed the newer version in 2019. Throughout the Summer of 2006, I would exchange this story with plenty of people whom I either met in chat rooms or through Myspace. I got some differing reactions, some enjoyed it, some loathed it.

In August or September of 2006, someone read the original version of “The Textfile” then sent me a copy of his or her story known as “Perplexed Existence.” It was a Christian story, written in first person about an emo high schooler who works at a convenience store and has an alcoholic and pill addicted mother. He meets a young lady who leads him to Christ. I read it in one sitting with my undivided attention with no idea how it would inspire my own writing in the future both consciously and subconsciously. I don’t know if it was a true story or a work of pure fiction, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Whomever the author was and I wish I could remember, but he or she was successfully able to combine Post Modernism with Christianity and did so better than I ever could.

In September of 2006, I was inspired to write a story about a young grocer and his relationship goals but didn’t write the first pieces of it until March of 2018. Throughout the rest of 2006 I was working quite a bit and didn’t have much time for writing, but still managed to do it now and then.

On January 7, 2007, I had met a girl and on that same day entered what seemed like a wonderful and very stable relationship with her, but years later it became quite toxic and finally terminated in 2018. I believe this relationship is also what made my writing more urbane and I quit writing with the old fashioned values my work initially possessed. Some of the people in her family could be seen as poster children of Post Modernism, but I won’t go into detail why because I am trying to make peace with the situation. Her family is influenced by Post Modernism and spreads that influence, in the way they carry themselves.

My writing was probably at its most filthy in the Summer of 2008 when I wrote something that was borderline pornographic about a couple that had met online. Let me say that I was a severely backslidden Christian who was not only writing such filthy literature but I was also fornicating and cohabitating. It was a young studly warehouse worker in Phoenix, Arizona who met a rich, lonely, slightly older but still young woman that lived in Salt Lake City Utah. They had cybersex, but then she invited him over to which he drove all night in his vintage Chevy Blazer and upon arrival, they did many kinky things both in her master bed/bathroom but also near the Great Salt Lake. At some point, after this, I promised The Lord and myself that I would never write anything pornographic again if I were to ever reference sexual intimacy in my writing, I would do so with taste and leave almost everything to the imagination from then on. I’d like to believe that I pretty much kept this promise, although I messed up a time or two. It was the Financial Collapse of 2008, that brought me out of my backslidden state. I started listening to shortwave to hear the rest of the world’s opinion on America and began to hear some Christian preaching as well. Ironically even a false Christian prophet played a role in getting me out of my severely backslidden state, as bizarre as that may sound. There was even a villain in one of my stories based on him.

I started attending church regularly in January of 2009 and attended that church until January of 2018. It was at this church where the ills of Post Modernism were first pointed out to me. I didn’t even know what Post Modernism was until I had attended there but then began to see it everywhere. This was both good and bad because it allowed me to get lots of inspiration for my writing, but also, I realized how bad a shape society is in and how far it fell from grace.

I finished trade school in November 2008 and went to work full time. In some of my free time, I would write. I purchased a small netbook in February of 2009, so I could write whenever I was on the go. I lost my job in September of 2009, due to a still crumbling economy. In October of 2009, I had taken a trip to the Esplanade Mall with my soon to be wife now ex-wife and was inspired to write a story about a teenaged couple at a strict and corrupt catholic high school. I stopped at a now-closed restaurant in Paradis, LA, where her family members were working and began writing some of it. They are suspended for public displays of affection. I called the story, iAffection. The boy comes from a well off family, but the girl and her mother are poor and she attends school on a voucher. I completed it some time in late 2009 or early 2010 and had revised it, but then did a little more work on it around 2009. However, this was my first story with the postmodern qualities and drew some inspiration from that story “Perplexed Existence”, but also the soap opera, “As the World Turns.”

On January 11, 2010, I started working for a God awful grocer and remained working there until September 23, 2011. This place inspired a good bit of my “Grocer and Writer” stories, that is for sure. Several characters were based on managers and coworkers from there, though I would write any of it until well after quitting. Also, around this time I had visited a young couple who was struggling financially and living in Paradis, LA. This moment would inspire a scene in “A Disabled Electrician Turned Writer.”

In the Summer of 2011, I began work on a dystopian story. It was about a teen couple in a forbidden romance because of the Nazi styled government in power. I had a dream back in February of 2003 which was the inspiration behind it. It was completed in the Summer of 2012. There are some postmodern elements to it. This story came to me in a dream I had quite possibly in the early morning hours of February 9, 2003, though it would take me another eight years to get it into text.

In February of 2012, I began writing “Radiant Affection”, which was initially supposed to be a form of repentance for writing “The Textfile.” I worked on it on and off until 2014, but I still contribute to it from time to time at the time of writing this piece. I know where to go with it, I just need to fill the gaps in between. This story doesn’t have the Post Modern element that the others do.

On June 30, 2014, after taking a trip with my parents and then-wife now ex-wife to the New Orleans area, I came home and was inspired to write what would be the beginning of my “Grocer and Writer” stories. As I’ve mentioned before, the New Orleans area has always been inspirational for my writing and it is inspirational to others in their respective forms of art. There is just something about it. Well, it takes place in New Orleans though not specifically mentioned in the stories themselves but little hints are left. The sins of fornication and cohabitation are committed in these stories, but my characters do repent and begin to plan marriage until one is murdered and the other dies of a broken heart. I wrote it initially from that day in 2014 until early 2016, when I felt as if I should write something that would make the racial tension worse than it currently already was. While it reeks of Post Modernism, it also teaches that we all deserve to love and be loved, even despite appearance or disability.

So, in March of 2016, I began to write something that taught those similar values, but without all the racial and ethnic tension that was going on during the Obama years. It was about a train conductor and an aspiring writer who meet online in a writing forum. I didn’t get too far off the ground with it and eventually moved on to other things. Something else I wrote in 2015 and continued in 2016 was a teen drama known as “Those Years.” Both of these try to teach how everyone deserves to love and be loved. I didn’t get far enough with either story to have my characters commit any serious sins.

I had also taken quite a few trips to the New Orleans area throughout 2016, and just about every time, I drew at least some inspirations.

In February of 2017, I began writing another story, A Disabled Electrician turned Writer. It too takes place in the New Orleans area, though not exactly mentioned. I was inspired to write it by witnessing the lifestyles of those connected to my then in-laws now ex-in-laws. However, I wasn’t able to get that far with it. There are some sins of cohabitation and fornication that occur, but my characters do plan to repent. Like the others, it teaches that everyone deserves to love and be loved. I wrote it from 2017 to 2019, then went on hiatus.

In the Summer of 2017, I wrote, “Two Foamers in Love” but didn’t get very far with it. It is one of the least sinful stories influenced by Post Modernism; all sex occurs within wedlock and it is done discreetly. But you know what they say, right? Sex sells. Well, controversy in general sells. It is easier for me to write a sinful story than a wholesome one, a lot easier. God is dealing with me about this and has been for some time. Also, for whatever reason life seems more romantic before marriage than after. I don’t know if that is Post Modernism or just the human condition in general. Actually, there are some scriptures I could reference that deal with this subject and explain why married life isn’t as romantic as pre-married life and it is due to a curse put on humanity by God, to remind us that we are sinners in a fallen world.

In the early Spring of 2018, I began writing my “Relationship Goals of a Young Grocer” stories but didn’t get all that far with it. There is indeed some sin occurring, but still, I guess I was too distracted to focus on it. Well, I was going through a divorce and also trying to secure my own place of residence. Later in the Spring of 2018, April 16, to be exact, I wrote “An Autumn Squall Line” about an impoverished couple riding out a severe thunderstorm in a shotgun house in Uptown New Orleans. In the original version, they were cohabitating, but on August 11, 2018, I changed it to a married couple, though still quite impoverished. Around this time was when God began to deal with me about writing such sinful literature.

In the Fall of 2018, I wrote “Love Among Terrorism” which was dedicated to me and my then-girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend. There was no cohabitation nor fornication, just a terrorist attack and a couple worried about each other.

Throughout 2019, I had added pieces to many of the aforementioned series of stories. I also completed the new version of “The Textfile.”

In the last days of 2019, I went through a breakup, but then began writing a new Post Modern influenced story, with equal Christian influence known as “Second Chances.” I am going to try my durn well best not to let my characters sin, though they do spend an innocent Christmas Eve together and cuddle all night long. Like the others, it takes place in the New Orleans area. By this point, even my Post Modern influenced writing had evolved.

In early 2020, before this Coronavirus was an issue in The States, I began writing a new series known as “Bohemian America.” It takes place in New York City and the surrounding area, but there are references to Louisiana. Yes, there are some sexual sins, but only by a couple who is in love and does desire marriage, one of the members of that couple are triracial, and I wrote that to atone for previous works I had done that likely contributed to the racial tension in America. Again I was just inspired by all that I was observing, so can you, the reader, blame me? I sure hope not! I’ve only publically displayed a piece of it that doesn’t show the sinning.

While I have written plenty of factual works during this Coronavirus pandemic, I haven’t written any fiction to say fiction. It’s like a partial writer’s block has set in. Of course, I hadn’t been drinking my Wild Cherry Pepsi like I usually do, something which usually fuels my creativity. When life gets back to normal, hopefully, I’ll start writing fiction again and resume my “Second Chances” stories as well as “Bohemian America.”

Yes, intimacy is referenced in much of my Post Modern influenced writing but it is overwhelmingly done with taste and not in a pornographic fashion as was the case in 2008.

So, yes, Post Modernism has influenced my thinking since about 2004/2005 but didn’t start showing up in my writing until 2009 and not realized until 2014.

Yes, it makes good writing, but is in conflict with Christianity and certainly does not honor God, so likewise if I am going to continue writing with Post Modern influence, I’ll need God’s help to not allow it to be sinful.

Of course, if you, the reader, are a Christian, then I covet your prayers.

I guess this, therefore, concludes the piece on how Post Modernism has influenced my writing over the years and I hope you, the reader, have been informed, enlightened and maybe even entertained…

Back to “Personal Reflections”

The History of my Attraction to Bigger Females

NOTE I know that I originally wrote this in the latter parts of 2017, but I am modifying it for 2020…

My name is Eric John Monier and I am attracted to plus-sized and super-sized women.

Those of you who know me well enough are already very much aware of this.

In this piece, I will attempt to explain to you, the reader, of my attraction to bigger girls, women, and ladies as well as the history of it.

I don’t know exactly why I am attracted to this body type, but a woman with a soft belly, thick thighs, plump caboose and ample sized breasts in addition to a pretty face will drive me crazy in a lot of very good ways.

I used to not be attracted to bigger girls in my preteen years and up to age thirteen. I guess because the few that I had come across always had explosive tempers. I was so ignorant and close-minded at the time that I never put two and two together that maybe the reason that they had such tempers was from all the harassment they endured. I should have been able to figure this out because I was harassed quite a bit, myself, and yes, for a time it did cause me to be mean, but for whatever reason, I never put the pieces together. I feel terrible about what I used to say back in those days and I will NOT repeat it here. One downside of having a razor-sharp memory is remembering all the bad things I ever said and done, sometimes more than the good.

Since age fourteen or fifteen, my attitude began to drastically change, however, but I wasn’t out of the closet about this attraction until I sixteen or seventeen. And I wasn’t public about it until age nineteen.

I think the first time I was attracted to a plus-sized girl was when I was in seventh grade, at Saint Mary’s Nativity School. She was in sixth. I was harassed a lot at that school, but this girl always smiled at me, was very nice to me and even laughed at my jokes. I never asked her out because I knew if I did, I would be harassed even more for going out with her. I won’t reveal her name, even though I remember it well. I’m glad she’s married now likewise, I hope and pray that her husband adores her as she ought to be.

Fast forward to eighth grade, February 20, 2002, I was at a pep rally and two boys were trying to pick a fight with me. A beautiful plus-sized girl was standing near me in the bleachers shouting for them to “stop” and that they were “so mean.” After that day, I had a major crush on her that would last throughout high school. The only reason why I never tried to approach her, again, was fear of what others may think of me. I remember her name as well, but I won’t reveal it. She’s married now and has children, and, my God, I hope her husband treats her like the wonderful queen she is.

A little about my weight history:
In August of 2002, I was wrongfully and forcefully medicated on a terrible drug known as Risperdal. As a result, I gained a little weight. Before this, I was very underweight (5’4″ 100-115 pounds), but now I was slightly overweight (5’6″ 160-170 pounds.) I guess, because of this, I thought it would be more acceptable to date a bigger girl. However, none were interested in me or other cases, we had mutually planted each other in that wretched old “friend zone.”

On March 15, 2003, at the age of sixteen, I was attracted to a plus-sized girl who I later found out was a couple of months my senior. This was the first time I made a pass at a plus-sized girl. She accepted but then broke up with me a day later at the urging of her parents. This hurt resulted in my first time getting drunk.

In late March or early April of 2003, I was taken off all medication and maybe lost a little weight as a result.

Also in April of 2003, I discovered writing as many of you know.

In that wonderful summer of 2003, at the age of sixteen and a half, I had become known as a romantic writer by my peers and had a secret webpage displaying my work. I had other webpages as well and a fourteen-going-on-fifteen-year-old girl had contacted me online and we began a steamy online and texting relationship. She was slightly plus-sized, but I thought she was so beautiful and she thought I was cute. We also had similar sexual kinks, even though we were only minors, of which I won’t publicly disclose. Unfortunately, I lost all contact with her in the latter parts of 2004, but I do remember her name. It would be wonderful to find her again.

Fast forward to between June 14 and 17, 2004, I suffered a mental breakdown and was put on that wretched medication, Risperdal, once again. By December of 2004, I weighed around 198 pounds.

In January of 2005, I was now eighteen and put on an anti-convulsant, used off label as a mood stabilizer, Topamax, in addition to what I was already taking. This caused a dramatic amount of weight loss in a short amount of time. By that April, I was 5’6″ and 122 pounds!

Even though I had lost a lot of weight, I remained attracted to plus-sized women and girls. I don’t know why.

Unfortunately, none of them felt the same about me.

I was in an online and phone relationship with one girl, from September 2005 to December of 2005 but she was very skinny and tall. One of the reasons, but not the main reason why I ended it was because she was indeed too skinny. I feel so terrible admitting this though.

It was now late January of 2006 and I was on a more weight neutral medication known as Geodon. I also became very vocal about my attraction to bigger members of the opposite sex. I figured if people wanted to distance themselves from me because of this, I didn’t need them in my life anyway.

I was a senior in high school and there was one plus-sized girl, a freshman, whom I had a crush on. I think she liked me too, but I’m not 100% sure. Many people told me to pursue her, but while I highly revered and respected her and wouldn’t dare do anything sinful or illegal with her, I was still afraid of catching various charges. In December 2006, a few months after I graduated, I went on one semi-date with her at the mall, but we ended up freaking each other out. We remained good enough friends, until the latter parts of 2017. Also, from August to December of 2006, I had dated a few plus-sized young ladies, but never really got close to any of them and the relationships always ended in disaster.

On January 7, 2007, I had just made twenty a few days prior was working at my local grocer, pushing buggies in the parking lot. I saw a beautiful plus sized girl walking into the store. Soon all the buggies were picked up and I resumed bagging groceries. She went up to the cashiers of whom we mutually happened to be friends with and asked for them to tell her where the tuna fish (not remoulade sauce-ha) was located. Before bagging groceries and pushing buggies (which is more fun in my book), I was a stocker. Therefore I had an intimate knowledge of where everything was located in the store. I kindly offered to show this young lady where the tuna fish was located. We walked to the tuna fish aisle together and she placed several cans in her buggy. Then I resumed bagging groceries, but asked the two cashiers if they knew that girl and if so how old was she. They told me her name and her age (nineteen.) I had them print out a blank receipt and I wrote my two phone numbers on it. They then handed it to her. As she was leaving the store, I told her to call me and that I get off at five. On my way home, my phone rang and it was her. She invited me over to her parents’ house and we have been together until January 18, 2018. We got married three years and two days after we met and but our divorce was finalized on October 11, 2018. She didn’t like being plus size, but every time she complained about it, I told her how if she was skinny I would have never given her my number, to begin with.

In the summer of 2007 until April of 2010, I took Abilify and gained 100 pounds. I used to joke that the weight gain was an STI from then-girlfriend, later wife, now ex-wife. Since April of 2010, I’ve taken Geodon, though I tried other medications but usually no longer than a week.

I had talked to several women post leaving my now ex-wife and most of them were either plus-sized or super-sized. However, none of those relationships progressed very far. One was even skinny but lied and said she was a BBW, but we mutually ghosted each other.

Another was beautiful and super-sized, but because of our location distance, she put me in the friend zone which I now accept and we are still good friends to this day.

In the latter parts of 2018, I met and fell in love with a beautiful and sweet super-sized young lady. She treated me like a king and I treated her like a queen. We vindicated and complimented each other in many ways. And not only that we were madly attracted to each other physically! No one had ever made me so happy before or since. However, she called it quits on me on December 4, 2019. I was crushed, devastated and heartbroken. No one in my eyes could ever measure up to her, no not even close, and I even told her that every day. I was very serious about being true to her to the point that I found myself acting the way televangelist Billy Graham acted towards his wife, even though she and I never were even engaged. We were, however, talking very seriously about marriage, until she called it quits. However, this happened for a reason and I know The Lord has someone else for me, I just have to wait on Him. I just pray that she is either at least plus-sized or preferably super-sized. I would not be happy with a skinny or muscular woman nor would I try to make such a woman gain weight because I see that as a form of abuse to her.

I don’t like being overweight that much. I know it makes me look younger at times, but it is unhealthy for sure and makes me feel tired all the time. I guess I am a perfect hypocrite, because, while I don’t like being like this, I’m attracted to women who are. And as long as she has a pretty face, the bigger the better! Still, I definitely would not want to suddenly one day not be attracted to bigger women because then a part of me would die. I wouldn’t be myself anymore. What the Internet has taught me more than anything else is that I am not alone in any of my interests or attractions and there are a lot of other guys who are also attracted to plus-sized women.

Bigger women most certainly deserve to be loved too, and from what I’ve found out there are a lot of guys besides myself who are willing to love and adore them just as they should be loved and adored!

Body Shaming is Cruel Unnecessary and Obsolete and I hate being body-shamed when it does happen to me.  However, I am usually able to just brush it off. I don’t do it to anyone, regardless of size, because I try to see the soul of a person instead.  However, being a carnal human being, I tend to be nicer to a plus-sized or super-sized woman, than someone of different features in any given situation that arises.  I know this is wrong, but I am not perfect and never claimed to be.

I guess this concludes my piece on my attraction to bigger females.  I hope you, the reader, have got something out of this and now see that beauty is literally in the eyes of the beholder.

Back to “Personal Reflections”

 

Childhood Memories

I do indeed have a sharp childhood memory. As a matter of fact, I can recall events that occurred even in my infancy.

I don’t know if my memory is so sharp and vivid because of the mental conditions of which I am afflicted or if it is because my Mom took lots of pictures during those days and frequently showed them to me. Most likely it is a combination of these two factors.

My powerful memory is both a blessing and a curse as I can vividly recall both the pleasant as well at the abhorrent memories throughout my life. I get flashbacks from all points of my life at least several times a week and many times much more frequently than that.

In my very early childhood, my parents would bring me to visit my Maternal Grandmother weekly. She resided in the New Orleans suburb of Metairie. Many times we would go into the City of New Orleans itself because of the many attractions it has to offer. One of my earliest memories is riding in the car with my parents on Magazine Street where it transitions between Uptown and Downtown. It was a sunny day in the mid to late afternoon when both the sun and the moon were up. I didn’t know it was Magazine Street until over twenty years later when I was riding on there with my now ex-wife and her sister. The amazing thing is the sky conditions were almost identical to that day in my infancy and the flashback happened. I, however, had that flashback several times in my childhood while playing on the playground in grade school. This happened the first time in Pre Kindergarten but occurred again in Third Grade. Again, it was always on sunny days in the mid to late afternoon when both the sun and moon were up.

For whatever reason, Blue Jays would frequent my Maternal Grandmother’s neighborhood in Metairie, Louisiana. Those particular avians make a distinctive sound when they call. I didn’t realize it was a Blue Jay that made that particular sound until my early thirties. I was in the neighborhood of which I grew up, visiting family, and I heard that ever so familiar bird sound, so I hurried outside to see if I could find out what type of bird made that sound. I then saw a Blue Jay perched in a Sweet Olive tree making that sound and I finally knew what type of bird made that sound. Currently, I have a crow call as the sound effect of which I use when I get a text or email. However, now I think I will search for a Blue Jay sound effect to use for my text alert since I associate it with that neighborhood. But right now I need to focus on getting this into text. Anyway, I heard that Blue Jay sound throughout my childhood and I always associated that sound with my Maternal Grandmother’s neighborhood. You, the reader, can just about guess how tickled pink I was when I found out about the “City Bird” ringtone that was featured on most Nokia phones in my teens and very early twenties. That ringtone indeed triggered the memory and was quite fitting!

Both my Maternal Grandmother’s house and the school I attended in childhood were within earshot of a mainline railroad line. In the case of my Grandmother’s house, it was Illinois Central then later Candian National DBA Illinois Central. As for the school, it was Southern Pacific, but then later Burlington Northern Santa Fe` after the Union Pacific-Southern Pacific merger. Because trains run every day and night, I was frequently woken up by trains when sleeping at my grandma’s house. At school, we would hear the trains going through Raceland on days when it was neither too hot nor cold to run the climate controls and therefore the teacher would open the windows. One day in either 1996 or 1997, my teacher pointed out the sound of the train whistle and I commented about my Grandmother’s house in Metairie. I had been highly interested in trains as a very young child, but the interest went away at some point. It briefly came back at the age of 16 but didn’t come back fully until I was 24. Talking about all of this makes me want to go on a foaming trip and I indeed would if I had a more reliable vehicle and money for gasoline. I haven’t gone foaming to say foaming at all in all of 2020 as of March 16, though I do listen to railroad traffic on my scanners a couple of times out of the week.

In sixth and seventh grade I and a few other students would do enrichment while most of the other students would go to band class. One of the activities we did was play educational games on the computer. There was one game, in particular, Math for the Real World. It was about a traveling band that would raise money by the player solving math problems. There was a diner in that game which the band would always stop at and the waitress spoke in a heavy Brooklyn/New Orleans Y’at accent. The waitress would always say, “Park it there, doll!” Of course, I think it would have been much funnier if the waitress would have said, “Park is there, dahlin!” It always reminded me of how the white people from New Orleans talked and I got a kick out of it. By the way, the reason why the white people from New Orleans sound like the white people from Brooklyn, according to a former neighbor of mine is that the overwhelming majority of the white children in New Orleans attended Catholic schools and spoke no English natively. Well, a detachment of nuns from Brooklyn went down to New Orleans to teach in those Catholic schools and they taught them how to speak English but in the Brooklyn dialect. So, that is the theory I accept as to why white people from New Orleans sound like white people from Brooklyn. This also is a factor in my very unique accent. I only know of one other young man who sounds like me and he grew up in a similar linguistic environment. My Mom is from the New Orleans area of Louisiana but my Dad is from Cajun/Bayou Country. I grew up in Cajun/Bayou Country but in my Mom’s younger days, she still sounded much like a Y’at. I grew up hearing both of my parents talk and I sound like a combination of both of them. In grade school, I was told a time or two that I don’t sound Cajun like the rest of the students. Another time I was at a grocer in Mississippi and I was asked if I was from up north. Another time I was at a KFC in Northeast Texas and two black gentlemen said they could tell I was from Louisiana by how I spoke but they assumed I was Creole, which to my knowledge I am not. I get it, I don’t sound like the rest of those around me. I’m self-conscious of my voice and therefore I blog instead of getting on YouTube. I think I have a better command of the written word than the spoken word though, so it works out for the best. Anyway, there was a song in that computer game known as “Are We There Yet?” and it describes the electrical, chemical and mechanical processes of how an automobile functions. That was my favorite song track on that game when I played it because, at the time, I was highly fascinated by how cars worked but came from a very non-mechanical family. So I never got to work on them growing up and at this point in my life, I am extremely nervous with cars. Electricity doesn’t phase me, but I am careful. HVAC doesn’t phase me (that’s my only formal training.) And computers do not phase me because I taught myself how to work on them. But I won’t attempt to work on a car except for very minor repairs. I also went to schools, at least until I got to trade school, where blue-collar trade work was looked down upon.

I wish I could continue to write, but my head is pounding at the moment. I want to seek medical attention for these headaches because they are getting more and more frequent. However, I am afraid that seeking medical attention will result in more harm than good at this point, because of this gosh durn Coronavirus going around. I’ll just ask my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for me and hopefully, soon I can revisit this subject and if I do, I will post it.

I guess this, therefore, concludes my piece on childhood memories though I wish I could have gone into more details than I did.

I still thank you for reading and hope you, the reader, have been informed and entertained.

May God richly bless you!

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#PurpleForAutumn

Yes, I launched my blog on October 6, 2016, exactly one month following the very untimely death of another aspiring writer.

Today, March 2, 2020, would have been the seventeenth birthday of that fellow aspiring writer.

She was an amazing person named Autumn Elizabeth Fuller, who was my ex-wife’s niece and, at the time, my niece by marriage.

It wasn’t until her funeral service that I found out exactly how much she wanted to be a writer and I was very touched because I knew that I had at least some influence on that career choice of hers.

She knew I was also an aspiring writer and would sometimes casually tell me about the names of her characters along with some of the plots in her stories and I would try my best to encourage her. Also, I would tell her about the stories I wrote that were age-appropriate for her. I remember how excited she would get when told her those stories.

I think she truly enjoyed our talks about writing, but as I’ve said before, I didn’t realize how much she wanted to be a writer until I attended her funeral and heard those who were eulogizing her.  I did, however, control the sound system in the back of the church.

In the days and weeks following her funeral, I felt ridden with guilt that here was someone who wanted to actually pursue a real career in writing and with the right training and practice had plenty of potentials then her life is tragically cut short. And yet here I am still alive but living on a pension and writing some, but just showing a few friends and not making any real use of my talent. That guilt I felt was the catalyst for me to decide to launch my blog. As I’ve stated before, I did so exactly one month after her very untimely death.

I did indeed launch this blog and I do contribute to it on the regular. I do have quite a few subscribers but I would like to make more of a difference.  I wish I could be a published author without losing my pension and therefore my medical coverage.

What really amazed me about all of this is that she was born in 2003, the same year I had first tried my hand at writing.

I don’t think she ever read my Original Stories from 2003 because Expage was taken down and I don’t recall ever telling them to her, but looking back, maybe I should have. Maybe she could have been inspired to write similar and provided many wonderful things for her peers like I did. But then again, she was thirteen when she passed and I was sixteen when I started writing, so maybe our maturity levels were different then again maybe not.

While I am no longer part of that family, mostly due to irreconcilable differences and the fact that my now ex-wife and I came from two completely different cultures forever at odds with one another. I, however, wish them no ill.  And I even find myself praying for them, now!

I wish that if Autumn would have lived, she would have gone on to be much more successful than I.

She definitely had the potential to.

I don’t know the mind of God especially on how He decides who should live and who should die, but more than ever, I need to share my talent with the world, any which way I am able.

In conclusion, I want to wish Autumn a Happily Heavenly Birthday!

That is all for now.

Thank you for reading!

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I am a Self-Taught Computer Technician

I’ve mentioned it before, but in case you, the reader, didn’t already know, I am a self taught computer technician.

I taught myself how to fix computers initially out of necessity, but now soup up old computers as a hobby.

My fascination with computers can be traced back to the late 1980s when I was a toddler.

The first time I ever saw a computer was either in late 1988 or some time in 1989 when I was shopping with my parents at the Sears in Southland Mall (which is located in Bayou Cane/Houma, Louisiana.)

It wasn’t until I was seven years old that I had found out that there was such a thing as home computers.

Some of my classmates had them, but my family didn’t.

We briefly had a home computer in the Summer of 1998 but didn’t permanently have one until the Summer of 2000.

The model my parents purchased as a family computer, looking back was pretty pathetic, even for the late 1990s and early 2000s.

I don’t remember the exact model number, but it was a Gateway Essential

The specs were:
15 GB Hard Drive (later upgraded to 20 GB.)
64 MB of Ram (later upgraded to 192 MB.)
566 MHz Intel Celeron Processor.
DVD ROM Drive (a CD-RW drive was later added.)
56K Dial-Up PCI Slot Modem (an Ethernet card was later added.)
Only 2 USB Ports
PS/2 Keyboard and Mouse Ports
AND
If I remember correctly the graphics (VGA 600X800 at best), sound and game adapter cards were all part of the mother board.
And if those specs were not cruddy enough, it ran Windows 98 Second Edition.

We made due with this computer from July of 2000 until some time in 2008.

Let me say that I didn’t have a car until the Summer of 2006, and was basically home unless at a school function, so my social life, my reading, my writing, my entertainment and my research were all done on this computer. I used it probably more than any other family member.

We didn’t have adequate virus protection and starting in 2003, began subscribing to cable broadband Internet so, this machine was frequently crashing.

When it did, I would fix it. My parents are fiscally conservative, especially when it comes to technology, if you haven’t figured that out already.

They are also pretty ignorant with technology, so I took it upon myself to fix it.

At first, it was with Gateway Technical Support over the phone, where they would walk me through reformatting the computer.

After doing it enough times, I was able to do it without help from tech support.

This was the beginning of me becoming a self-taught computer technician. I mean my source of many good things in my life was dependent on it.

So it is quite possible that had my parents owned a better computer, I may not have needed to teach myself how to fix computers.

I had known about Linux since 2001, while reading about it in a computer magazine in my school library.

I didn’t actually try it until 2005 when a friend gave me a live boot-able copy of Ham Shack Linux, which I would run on that said machine.

The ease and efficiency of Linux definitely caught my interest back then.

There was no need for hardware drivers everything was plug and play.

There was also no need for virus protection!

This also began my hate relationship with Windows that continues to this very day!

In December of 2005 I had purchased a gently used, but ten year old IBM Think Pad 365E, mostly for writing my stories but also for playing old games. I modified it to run MS-DOS 6.22. Had I known about FreeDOS, I would have loaded it on there.

From the help of a computer professor over the phone, I learned how to make partitions and modify boot sequences in the BIOS memory. This was in March of 2006 or so.

I had that laptop until December of 2006 and I wish I could have kept it.

Also around 2005 and 2006, I began to teach myself how to build computers and mix and match parts.

One of these days I am going to build one from scratch.

But in late December of 2006, I purchased a Compaq/HP Laptop which ran Windows XP Media Center Edition and could be upgraded to Windows Vista.

This is the machine that I discovered WiFi on.

However, it could only do 802.11 a and b.

Then it killed on me in 2008. My family’s Gateway also finally killed on us around this time as well.

My Mom bought a Hewlett Packard in early 2009, which ran Windows 7 and was a good machine until it became bogged down with viruses.

Early in 2009, I had purchased an Asus Eee PC 900A netbook.

It has some decent specs for its size and price:
WiFi built in 802.11 b and g.
1.3 Megapixel WebCam
8 GB solid state drive.
1 GB RAM.
USB and Ethernet ports.

I would have it until 2016 and it was one of the best computers I ever owned.

In December of 2010, it was extremely bogged down with viruses, so I finally figured out how to write an .ISO image to a flash drive and modify the boot sequence.

I ended up installing JoliOS 1.2 which served me very well for over a year. I also installed JoliOS 1.2 on my Mom’s Hewlett Packard.

By the way, it was ruined by a power surge following Hurricane Issac in 2012.

I gave my Dad an older Dell to use which a friend had given me.

He had it until 2019

I subsequently used other versions of operating systems, all from the Linux family on that computer.

In 2015, I finally purchased an Android smartphone. This allows me to Google for a solution when I am working on a computer and I come aross a hiccup.

That was a huge milestone, because before, I needed another computer as well as an Internet connection to get a solution when things didn’t go right.

In 2016, I began to put together a kit of tools that I EDC for my computer repair hobby. The featured image on this pages shows what I am carrying as of February 2020. These tools are kept in a special compartment of my EDC backpack.

In 2018, through most of 2019, I had attended a church and fixed the computers of several members.

By this point in my life, I had obtained a reputation as a computer guru.

There are several friends who come to me when they need their computers fixed and usually I am able to do it.

Now as of 2020, I frequently find myself restoring older computers and making them useful again.

This usually entails me taking a Windows computer and reformatting the hard drive or solid state drive with a version of Linux that has modern functionality but runs well on the hardware. Sometimes I will also upgrade the RAM chips or disk drives.

I wish I would have had this knowledge and skill when I was a teenager. I could have made that old Gateway run like a high spec machine, but if it wasn’t for that cruddy old Gateway, I may never have taught myself how to fix computers to begin with.

I hope to fix computers for the rest of my life because it is a fun and useful hobby.

I know I can also bless other who otherwise cannot afford a new computer but will make their machines run like new.

If it wasn’t for me being dependent on several expensive medications, I would try to make a career out of this, because it is something I can do from dawn til dusk or until those medications kick in, then I am dead to the world for twelve to fourteen hours. However, I would be self employed and have to worry about health insurance. We do need some serious reforms in this country and Obamacare doesn’t cut it!

I guess this concludes my piece on how I am indeed a self taught computer technician. I need to take those medications right now, actually.

So, I hope you, the reader, have been informed and entertained.

Thank you for reading!

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The First Time I saw “Ghostbusters”

I had known about the Ghostbusters movies since early childhood. However, I didn’t watch them until I was 27 years old. This piece will be my recollection of the first time I watched the original Ghostbusters movie and other events that happened on that day. By the way, I happened to take a selfie later that evening and that is my featured image. I was living in the Sugarland Subdivision of Raceland, Louisiana.

It was a sunny and mild day in late May of 2014. I believe it was either the 21st or the 27th.

My then-wife now ex-wife was laying down in bed and sleeping. I was sitting in the living room, listening to music on Pandora when I got the idea to stream a movie on Netflix. So, using the Roku Box, I pulled up Netflix and searched for movies. Then I saw that the original Ghostbusters from 1984 was available, so I took a chance and began watching it. The movie had my undivided attention, which very few movies do. I turned off the lights and closed all the blinds and watched. As I watched, I had realized that I was watching it on the thirty-year anniversary of the film’s release. I also was amazed by the technology, which seemed advanced for 1984. And I was particularly amused at Egon’s fondness for junk food. I finished the movie in one sitting, completely satisfied. This is the exact reaction all movies should have with their viewers!

Around the conclusion of the movie, my then-wife woke up from her nap and reminded me that I had to drive her to her nephew’s baseball game which was being held on the northern outskirts of Houma, Louisiana. Well, I figured I could find something to do since I never did like sports.

It was starting to get dark after the conclusion of the game, so I went to a truck stop for fuel, candy, and drinks. My then-wife caught me checking out a plus-sized female security guard at the truck stop but she didn’t hold it against me. For the record, she checked out guys all the time and was even vocal about it in front of my family, which was totally embarrassing for me. I had purchased an iced coffee and a Mister Goodbar, two things I would frequently purchase at this truck stop until my peanut allergy became increasingly worse. I forget what snack and drink my now ex-wife purchased.

Dusk had fallen and it was getting darker and darker. We drove back home and were now in Sugarland once again.

A truck had veered off the main highway and into a ditch in front of Sugarland Shopping Center. I got out of my car and attempted to assist those involved in the incident. The sun had almost completely set by this point, but I was carrying a 2 AAA sized Mini Maglite LED which was rated for 84 Lumens. That number 84 came up again! Some items had fallen out of the truck but I was able to locate them in the ditch which was thankfully dry. Then another good Samaritan came with cables and pulled the truck out of the ditch. I lit up the whole operation with my flashlight and I also directed traffic around the incident. An impatient motorist or two cursed me lower than a dog and I won’t repeat what they said.

Once everything was back to normal, I got in my car and drove home along with my then-wife, now ex-wife.

At some point later that evening I took a selfie and posted it to social media. That selfie is the featured image for this post. I was 27 at the time but could have probably passed off as 17, you decide.

Later that evening I took my medicine and eventually went to sleep, happy that I would be getting paid in just a few days. In the next few months, I would come to write and purchase some wonderful things. I would also watch the 1989 sequel to Ghostbusters on basic cable at my now ex-in-laws place that summer.

Ghostbusters is definitely one of my favorite movies, though it took me so long to actually get around to watching it. I’m also wondering if it had any inspiration for Goosebumps since the movie reminded me of an adult version of the television adaptations. I also frequently watched those on Netflix.

Now, this, I guess, therefore concludes my piece detailing the time I watched Ghostbusters for the first time. I hope you, the reader, have been informed and entertained.

Thank you for reading!

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