A Day at My Grandparents’

This is my first attempt at writing a children’s book.

It is heavily based on my childhood and told from the perspective of me at age five, which would mean it takes place in the year 1992.

I initially wrote most of it in the Summer of 2016, but recently did some editing and now I feel as if I’m ready to share it with the world.

Without further ado, here we go:

I arrive at my grandparents’ house and they welcome me with open arms.

My grandma offers me breakfast: oatmeal with hot syrup.

My grandpa sits at the table with me.

Suddenly he sneezes very loudly, “HYEH-HOO!” My grandma jumps out of fright. I just laugh. She then gives him a dirty look and he rubs my head. I finish eating my breakfast and then look out the front door. The mail truck is coming in the distance. I watch. Finally, it is near my grandparents’ mailbox and the mailman puts several letters in.

“I’m going get the mail,” My grandpa says.

“Our Social Security checks should be in today, honey.” My grandma replies.

We walk to the mailbox and my grandpa picks up the mail then we walk back to the house.

“Yes, our checks are in. I’ll go to the bank and cash them,” He says, handing her the rest of the mail.

My grandma opens the envelopes, signs her check then says, “After that go to the hardware store and get a new light fixture for the utility room. ”

I look at my grandpa and ask “Can I come with you?”

“Sure,” He replies.

“Get our medicine from the drug store too, honey,”

“Yes, ma’am.” He answers.

My grandma gives him another dirty look.

We then walk to his old truck and he starts it. The engine makes a loud noise and then we take off.

As we are driving down the road there is a car in front of us going super slow. My grandpa blows his horn and shouts, “Come on you turtle!”

I laugh.

“If your grandma saw me acting like that she would fuss, so don’t tell her what I just did.”

I nod my head and grin.

We go through the drive up window at the bank. My grandpa signs his check and also hands my grandma’s check to the teller. She then hands him a lot of money, then she also gives me some candy.

My grandpa leaves the bank and I eat. “Don’t tell your grandma I let you have candy,” He tells me.

I motion as if I am zipping my lips and he smiles.

We arrive at the hardware store and my grandpa parks his truck. We walk through the store and into the electrical department. I stare at all the lights on display.

“How is this one?” He asks.

“It looks cool to me,” I reply, then continue “Could I help you put it up?”

“Sure!” My grandpa replies, “I do need a helper and you’re perfect for the job.”

My grandpa picks up the light, still in its package and then we walk to the counter.

He pays the check out lady.

She prints some papers and hands them and the light to my grandpa, then we leave the store.

We get back in his truck. He starts it and the engine makes that loud noise again. I laugh.

“One day, when I am really old, this will be your truck, E.J.”

“Awesome!” I say.

We then drive to the drug store, then enter and both sit on a stool at the counter while the pharmacist gets the medicine.

She tells him the price and he hands her the cash.

“Boy, thank God for Medicare!” My grandpa tells her as he is handed several bags.

“What’s Medicare?” I ask.

“Something for old people like me and your grandma,” He replies.

Another old man walks up to my grandpa and they begin talking in French. I’m puzzled because I don’t know what they’re saying.

I look at my grandpa, point to the old man and ask, “Who’s that?”

“E. J., that’s Mister Cecil. We worked together at the factory.”

Mister Cecil looks at me and says “Your grandpa told us many jokes and made us laugh during those long shifts.”

“He makes me laugh too. What was his job at the factory?”

“He loaded the syrup we made into railroad cars and I was in charge of the piping system,” Mister Cecil replies.

“That’s awesome!” I say.

“We’d still be working there if it wasn’t for the factory closing,” My grandpa says.

“Well, you know durn good and well there were some dirty dealings going on,” Mister Cecil adds in.

“Yeah, but that was way beyond our control,” My grandpa answers.

They go back to talking in French for a while then finally shake hands and Mister Cecil leaves.

My grandpa and I leave the drug store as well.

He starts his truck and the engine makes that loud sound again.

We both laugh.

We head back to the house, then walk through the door.

We walk into the utility room and my grandpa opens the door to the broom closet. He gets his flashlight and tools out, then goes to the fuse box and turns off the electricity.

“Safety first-remember that, E.J.!” He tells me.

I nod and smile.

The house is dark, so he turns his flashlight on.

He takes a chair from the kitchen and brings it to the utility room. He then stands on top of it under the old light fixture.

My grandpa hands me his flashlight and says “E. J., shine me some light.”

I shine it at the fixture.

He then says, handing me his pocket knife, “E. J. cut the box open.”

“I don’t want E. J. handling a knife, he’s too young!” My grandma shouts.

“Aw, shucks! I’m old enough!” I say.

“No your grandma is right, E. J. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I just forget how young you are sometimes,” He pauses then says, “I’ll open it.”

He cuts through the package and takes out the new light, along with the wire nuts and fasteners.

“Now keep shining that flashlight E. J. and get me a screwdriver and cutting pliers.”

I hand him the tools. The old fixture soon comes down and grandpa puts the new one up. My grandpa then pulls the switch cord.

“All done!” He says, “Now shine some light on the fuse box, E. J.”

I shine it and he turns the electricity back on. The new fixture lights up the utility room brightly.

“Now turn my flashlight off E. J.”

Reluctantly I turn it off and say, “Aw shucks.”

“Now, E.J., I need to conserve the battery. You never know when a big storm will come.”

“I guess you’re right grandpa. I just think your flashlight is so cool!”

My grandpa looks at my grandma and says, “Now, hopefully, the next time that fixture needs to be replaced E. J. will be a grown man and he can do it for us.”

“He better finish college first,” My grandma says sternly, then continues, “Since the power is back on, I’m going to watch my stories while I do some cooking and sewing.”

“Well I’m going work in the garden,” My grandpa says.

“I’m coming with you,” I tell him.

We pick green beans, corn, okra, and tomatoes until I see a raccoon coming into the garden.

“Look, grandpa, a raccoon.”

“E. J., get inside right now!” My grandpa says with urgency.

I go, but watch and listen through the screen door.

My grandpa chases the raccoon clapping his hands several times while stomping his foot and shouting “Get. Gone. Get outta here.” The dog begins to bark. Finally, the raccoon runs away. I laugh until my sides ache.

“All right E. J. you can come back now,” He says, then continues “Never go near a raccoon, they’re vicious and they carry rabies.”

I nod and keep a sharp eye looking for more raccoons. Thankfully no more show up.

My grandpa continues working in his garden until we hear my grandma shout, “Dinner’s ready.”

We walk back to the house.

“What are we having?” I ask.

“Green beans and potatoes.” My grandma answers.

“Yuck!” I say.

“Well if you don’t want that, you can have a can of Vienna Sausage,” My grandpa answers.

My grandma gives my grandpa a pair of eyes.

“What the matter now, honey?” He asks her.

“You should know very well that Vienna Sausage isn’t good for him,” She answers.

“Oh, doggone it, let him enjoy that whiles he’s young. He won’t be able to eat that kind of stuff when he’s old like us.”

“I guess, honey. But you know his parents want him to eat healthy food,” She replies.

“We don’t have to tell them about it. Besides what will one little can hurt?” My grandpa says as he opens the can and hands the sausages to me.

We all sit down to eat.

My grandparents take their medicines during dinner. They pop several pills and wash them down with Royal Crown Cola.

I drink Cherry Kool-Aid to wash down my Vienna Sausages.

“One day I want you to try green beans, though, E.J. They taste good and they’re good for you,” My grandpa says.

“Okay, I’ll try them one day when I am all grown up.”

My grandma says, “Hopefully before then.”

“Better late than never.” My grandpa says.

After we eat my grandpa takes me in his truck and we ride through the fields. He checks his cattle and the fencing around the property.

He works on the fence and I watch until the sun begins to set. We then head back to the house.

We walk up the back porch and into the door. My grandpa washes his hands in the kitchen sink, then shakes them dry. I stand on a chair and do the same.

“E.J., use a towel instead.” My grandma says with irritation.

My grandpa then begins to scratch his back on the doorpost.

I smile, then go across the room and scratch my back on the other doorpost.

My grandpa then lets out a loud sneeze, “HYEH-HOO!”

I laugh, then say, “I’m going to sneeze like that too from now on!”

My grandma says angrily at me “Don’t you dare E.J.!” She then looks at my grandpa and says, “You see that honey, E. J. is picking up all of your bad habits.”

“That’s because he’s my flesh and blood,” My grandpa answers proudly.

“But he starts school in a few weeks and we can’t have him acting like that in the classroom.”

My grandpa pokes his tongue at my grandma and then asks, “What’s for supper?”

“Homemade bread and coffee. But E.J. will have hot milk instead, we can’t have him up all hours of the night. So, don’t give him any.”

“Yes, ma’am!” My grandpa answers her.

“Aw shucks,” I say.

She gives him a dirty look, then we eat. My grandparents take their nighttime medication.

After supper, we watch the television for a little while.

The news is on.

Suddenly we hear the dog barking and the cows mooing incessantly.

My grandpa retrieves his flashlight and turns it on.

“I’m going see what’s going on outside,” My grandpa says.

“I want to go too and see grandpa’s flashlight light up the night.”

“No, E. J. you need to get to bed,” My grandma says.

“Aw shucks!” I reply.

“Now, E.J.!” My grandma orders.

My grandpa goes outside. I hear his truck start up, then reluctantly I go lay down in the spare bedroom and soon fall asleep.

I guess I’ve been asleep for a while, but then, suddenly I’m woken up by the screen door opening and shutting. Then I hear a loud “HYEH-HOO!” I laugh to myself and realize that my grandpa is back.

I get out of bed and walk into the living room.

“What happened outside?” I ask.

“One of my heifers got stuck in the barbed wire fence.”

I see him picking up his flashlight and then ask, “Could I play with it for a little while?”

“Sure.” He says.

“Yes!” I reply.

I shine it all over the room, on walls, windows and pictures then I notice some writing on the flashlight. I ask my grandpa “What does it say on the sides?”

“Eveready Commander.” He replies. “Eveready is the company and Commander is the model of the flashlight.”

“What does N o dot five one two two mean?”

“The No. means number which is fifty-one twenty-two.”

“What does it say below that?”

“Made in Hong Kong. That’s the city in China, where this flashlight was made.”

“Where’s that?”

“On the other side of the world. And, you know while it’s nighttime here, it’s daytime over there.”

“Cool!”

“And what does it say on the left back side?” I ask.

“Union Carbide-that’s the company that owned Eveready when this flashlight was made. And below it says New York, NY. In other words New York City in New York State. That’s where one of Union Carbide’s offices were located. The 5 numbers, one zero zero one seven is the zip code for that part of New York City,” My grandpa replies.

“Cool!”

My grandpa then looks at my grandma and says “You see that, honey, I’m teaching E.J. geography and how to read.”

“Teach him tomorrow; he needs to be in bed at this hour.” My grandma says.

I hang my head in disappointment.

My grandpa looks at me and says “Tell you what, if you go to sleep right now, you can have my flashlight. I worked many night shifts with it, loading syrup into tank cars, but it’s yours now. I’ll just buy a new one at the hardware store tomorrow.”

“You really mean it, grandpa?” I ask.

“Sure, so why don’t you get to bed.” He says.

“All right,” I reply, happily.

“You better not take it with you to school or your teacher will take it away.” My grandma interjects.

“Yes, that’s right. And we don’t want that to happen.” My grandpa replies.

I begin to get sleepy and they both hug me good night and I walk to my bed. Soon, I am fast asleep…

Back to “Works of Fiction”

ASDF Movie Questions and Speculations

Since about 2011, I have been a fan of the ASDF Movies.

I had seen some kids watching them and when I saw the “I Like Trains Kid” character, I could only think to myself and eventually be public about it, “No fair, I liked trains before it was cool to even like trains.”

I even commented that on YouTube.

Of course, then someone called me a “hipster.”

Anyway, I could still watch these ASDF Movies over and over again and laugh myself silly.

At some point in 2014, someone whom I will refer to as my “bestest buddy” and myself wrote down most of these questions and speculations we came up with about some of the characters in the said cartoon.

Here they are without further ado:

Desmond the Moon Bear:
He was sent him to the moon because he was very smart and knew how to speak English. Since he spoke English, he was launched into space by the USA and not the USSR/CCCP. His memories of being in the rockets were probably wiped out somehow.

The Girl Who Wanted to go to the Moon:
We thought she would miss the moon and/or other planets but went into the sun and burned up. She might not have made it through Earth’s atmosphere and fell back down. Then we wondered if the moon talked to her like he talked to the couple on the hill when he wanted them to kiss. This could be why she and Desmond never met. Also, when she was leaving the earth did he talk to her like he told goodbye to the guy who blew his brains out?

Stegosaurus and The Mine Turtle:
How did the stegosaurs learn how to speak English to the guy who traveled back in time? How does the stegosaurus step on the mine turtle and survive?

The I Like Trains Kid (my personal favorite):
Does the train just hurt whom the I Like Trains Kid wants to hit or does it hurt everyone nearby? Does he have some kind of power to guide the train to his target? Does he get hit? In one scene he does get it, or at least it looks like it. Maybe it is because he had no target that time. If only I myself had the power to summon a train simply by saying, “I Like Trains.” Of course, I wouldn’t use the train as a weapon, unless my life or the life of someone whom I care about was in danger.

The Die Potato: When the potato was about to be smashed but his assailant was rolled over by the train; was the potato also smashed by the train? Who taught the potato how to handle a firearm?

The Boy that Turned into a Pie:
Maybe he baked a pie and hid. Maybe he turned into the pie, by baking himself, but then the pie might taste like steak. How would he have turned into a perfectly shaped pie, like the pie flavored pie? Could the baby on fire be trying to bake into a pie by his mother, since she wanted more jewelry? Maybe she wanted to have a bake sale?

Child Arrested for Doing Homework:
Maybe this takes place in a dystopian society where any types of learning are forbidden. Maybe there was a free-thinking teacher who assigned the student to read some forbidden book and do a report on it, hence that it the homework the child was arrested for.

That’s all I have for the moment.

Hopefully, in the not to distant future, I can further elaborate on this.

Also, I am willing to accept input on your thoughts if you yourself also watch ASDF Movies…

My EDC Flashlights of 2016

I wrote this article in 2016. It is 2018 at the time I am posting this, but a good bit of the information still rings true. Apparently, it was late in the evening when I wrote this, which is usually when I am most creative. I still EDC some of two years later…

I have decided to write short review of the pocket sized flashlights I rotate with my EDC gear, as of Early 2016. Some are popular, other’s not so much. These are VERY budget friendly, as even the most costly [pocket EDC] model can be had for <$35 at the overwhelming majority of online, brick and mortar and hybrid retailers.

I realize that one should have both LED and Icandescent in his/her (or vice versa, depending on the situation that arises) EDC gear.

LED Models:
If you are a heavy flashlight user (meaning every day, several times a day), you will want a flashlight that is rugged, easy to maintain, efficient on batteries and bright enough for any given task. LED models fit these specifications perfectly. The few drawbacks of LED technologies is that they are overwhelmingly NOT user serviceable, MOST models give an untrue color rendition of any object being examined, and the scariest; they probably will NOT survive an EMP blast. In fact any electronic device that utilizes transistors and microchips as their semiconductors will fail. That’s just about everything except for a very few exceptions of devices that are probably only used in the military sector. That brings on a horrible wave of depression when I think of it and I have to ask God to comfort me.
My current EDC choices are:
UST (Ultimate Survival Technologies) Moon Force 2xAAA Glo Model. <$20.
Energizer Hard Case Professional LED Task Light 2xAA Model. ~$14-$17.
Terralux Light Star 80 2xAAA Model. <$20.
5.11 Tactical TMT PLx 2xAAA Model. <$35.

Now that all has been said about LED models; here is a list of mine:

UST (Ultimate Survival Technologies) Moon Force 2xAAA Glo Model. <$20. I mainly have it as a just in case of the worst thing besides an EMP blast. It can be located in the dark. It has a battery of 40 hours in low mode whilst still giving off a decent 10 lumens. It also has an emergency signally mode that has it preprogrammed to blink “SOS” continuously. This is a must have if traveling and one becomes stranded and or injured. The only drawback is that I find as the batteries age, one must strike it in addition to pressing the switch in order for it to turn on. I think of this in a situation where I would be in an aircraft downing in the middle of nowhere or being kidnapped and thrown into a trunk.

Energizer Hard Case Professional LED Task Light 2xAA Model. ~$14-$17. It is a cross between a consumer and a tradesperson’s flashlight and can be used for industrial use or outdoor nighttime activities. At 250 Lumens on high mode, it is the brightest flashlight in my current EDC gear. Its body is composed of a ABS plastic and steel. This allows it to be both rugged and chemical resitant and non conductive (excellent for performing maintenance and repairs on various pieces of machinery.) There is also a low setting which makes it appropriate for close up inspection of work While I wouldn’t advise for self defense from humans, it can be an excellent way of scaring away smaller animals (like a racoons, possums and even randy or dominant cats) that torment your pets and children. I mean, if the blinding brightness doesn’t deter their attitudes, a good hard whack upside the head or high velocity throw at their hind legs will surely scare them away but won’t leave any severe or crippling injuries. It will make them think twice about harming your elderly, juvenile or pregnant/nursing pets as well as undiscerning children. I claim no responsibility for any injuries you or your loved ones may sustain from the animals. For an extra measure of your safety and CYA purposes, please shout “GET” at the animal in question when engaging and only use force it it doesn’t comply with your command. For larger, stronger preadtory animals, there is a plethora of blades and firearms to choose from, but this piece is dedicated to flashlights. It will survive an impact of 7 Meters (21 Feet) on concrete and because of being built of high quality plastic, it won’t show the battle scars too much either. What if our enemies use some sort of dirty radiation to generate the EMP waves? What if all these little bastards mutate, get stronger and have all kinds of superpowers and attack you and your infirmed. When you shout “GET” they will laugh at you mockingly. What if their mutated bodies will then be able to absorb the blows from whackings and hurlings that once sent them away with their tails between their legs? Okay, I know there are plenty of possibilities but no more. This is supposed to be about science fact, not science fiction. The line between the two subjects keeps blurring though.

Terralux Light Star 80 2xAAA Model. <$20. This flashlight gives off 80 *you guessed it* Lumens, but I forget for how long on a set of batteries. Unfortunately the company’s website is not up to par at the moment. I like this one and carry it because it presents the best of both worlds, but is legally an LED. Therefore I must declare that I highly doubt it surviving an EMP blast. The reason why I say it gives the best of both worlds is because it has the brightness, durability and effeciency of an LED, but due to recent advances in LED technology, it produces light that is similar in color to an incandescent with fresh batteries. This means that in any profession where color rendition matters, this light is a winner. [Theoretically] all colors being inspected and examined will show their true appearance. This light also has a grip on it that is mean for holding it with your teeth comfortably and still having both hands free to work. Another simple but brilliant idea is that this light has the ability to place the clamp upside down and clip it to the duck bill of your cap. Please for CYA purposes make sure the light is point away from your face when you wear it on your cap. Also this light has a forward clickie switch which means you could secretly communicate morse code, or cause a seizure to someone who is trying to harm you. For the sake of CYA, let me caution that you could probably be sued or even prosecuted for causing a serious injury if your attacker hurts his/herself during the seizure, even if it was purely self defense. I shouldn’t say this because it will give some epeleptic the urge to hold someone up in the hopes that he or she will get an blast of light in the face, go into a seizure and then sue his or her victim. Welcome to modern America. Do you even wonder why enemies both foreign and domestic would love to bring us to our knees and what better way of doing it than sending all of our technology 200 years into the past?

5.11 Tactical TMT PLx 2xAAA Model. <$35. This light is 90 Lumens (10 Lumens brighter than my Terralux and nearly just as efficient if my memory serves me properly.) It seems to be made of a slightly harder grade of Aircraft Aluminum than the Terralux, which I would like to use it as my Kubotan light. It too has a forward clickie so we please refer to the previous paragraph about the advantages forward clickie switches. It is a decent all around lighting instrument, but was initially targeted to law enforcement and military customers. That means that it probably can stand up to most forms of use and abuse. I only wish it had a crenelated bezel, like my 2xAAA Bushnell flashlight. And of course a 12 Hz strobe feature would make inducing a seizure (or at least extreme disorientation) in your oponent even easier.

Incandescent Models:
If you absolutely need excellent color rendition of the equipment, (or tissue and organs for that matter) want a flashlight that is user servicable (hence an exponentially longer lifetime of service) or just plain want to be prepared should any disaster fry all modern electronics. Also their startup cost is a fraction of the startup cost of an LED model. The drawbacks to incandescents are that since a glass bulb is the only light emitter, they are horribly more fragile than their LED counterparts, they devour batteries like a starving pit bull in a butcher shop, their bulb life is also relatively short, meaning the user must have extra replacement in his/her edc bag. Then there is the facet that frightens me most: Their replacement bulbs may some day be discontinued, because of the potential selfishness and greed or poor descision making on the part of their manufacturers. Given the political instability at home and abroad, I will stress that incandescent flashlights are a MUST not only as a backup device in the event of an EMP induced LED failure, but also to have as a barter item (extra bulbs as well in this case) for food, water, medicine and weapons/ammo. Because of the relatively low price of both the flashlights and their bulbs, They will indeed be worth many times their MSRP. I am shocked to realize that I have never heard anyone from the prepper community state that flashlight bulb futures could be a publically traded commodity, seriously not even as a joke. Has anyone besides myself ever thought of this?
My current EDC choices are:
Mini Maglite 1984 Original 2xAA Model. ~$8-$20.
Mini Maglite 1987 Smaller 2xAAA Model ~$7-$16.
Pelican MityLite 1900 2xAAA Model. ~$10-~$20.

Now that I have stated the extreme pros and unfortunate cons of incandescent models, here are the ones I rotate in my EDC gear:

Mini Maglite 1984 Original 2xAA Model. ~$8-$20. This was probably the flashlight that revolutionized the industry and was a trailblazer in the subject of all things EDC. I have been using this model (not the same one, but different ones over the past 10 years. I also have given them as gifts to friends and family. While not on the bleeding edge of today’s flashlight technology; it is still a tried and true favorite around the world. This is a flashlight that can be used in both the medical and custodial arts and anything in between! It can meet the needs of a surgeon but still be affordable on a janitor’s wages. The only complaint I can say about it is that bulb and battery life are poor. A fresh set of Alkalines will emit 14 Lumens from the bulb and last between 3 to 5 hours depending on the quality of the cells (you get what you pay for definitely makes a clear statement in the world of batteries.) A new bulb will burn for maybe 8 to 10 hours before flashing out. Maglite upgraded their bulbs designed for this flashlight several time over the years. They were always bi pin bulbs, but their physical and chemical features have changed over the years; Vacuum, Krypton and Xenon respectively. What I recommend this model for is anything where light is needed in a post EMP blast world, but also has much praticality in normal everyday life. I have used it for close up inspection work when repairing/inspecting the insides a computer tower many times. I have also read and heard where it was esential in performing or assisting surgery in the mission fields where the electricity is intermittent at best, reading an instrument panel on any vehicle, craft or vessel at night when the proprietary lighting has decided to quit on you. Also, from what I gather, firefighters like this light because of its ability to project a focused beam with minimal glare in a smoke or mist filled room. There is even an implement sold by a third party that allows this flashlight to be securely mounted to their helments. What tops it all off is that it was invented and still made here in the States by a highly ethical and kind-hearted, though rightfully shrewd at times, eighty something business executive and tradesman named Tony Maglica.

Mini Maglite 1987 Smaller 2xAAA Model ~$7-$16. This is the smaller, lighter, and dimmer underage lover to the original Mini Maglite. I swear their relationship is consensual, but for CYA purposes I assure you the parents of the younger party gave their full blessing to the relationship and even paid for a lavish wedding. In fact: One year later they had a child whom they named Solitaire because of its dull light output and inability to stay in a committed relationship to its key lanyard. Wow lack of medication breeds creativity, but creativity is soon beaten and gang raped by paranoia, depression and anxiety. Okay all joking aside. This flashlight was developed for medical and industrial purposes and I would say it was mediocre in filling those roles for. However it holds a special place in my heart for the simple fact that it was brought into this *racking my brain desparately for a properly fitting adjective* world in 1987, just like me. Sometime I think in 2015 she got her act together and began using a Xenon bulb. Now she is a medical profession, specializing in eye exams because of her color correct Xenon light, and her dimness has an advantage because the pupils only contract minimally. I think she would make a great use of her candle mode in a post EMP world for seperated young lovers to write each other since there will be no phones texts or emails to communicate. I think she might also inspire a huge generation of creative writers as they create stories, plays, songs, poems, doctrines and manifestoes. Then again, will we have freedom of expression once order is restored?

Pelican MityLite 1900 2xAAA Model. ~$10-~$20. I have a love and hate relationship with this model, due to owning ones that had their bodies warp, bulb modules burnout prematurely and even one of them being stolen from me. However, the laser precision Xenon fired beam 11 Lumen, overall ruggedness and especially the strong association with the maritime industry (and my gongoozling hobby) not to mention its Class 1 Divsion 1 Group C and D approval were all deciding factors in me giving this model one more chance and even placing it in with my EDC gear. It will hardly dent your checking account (neither will it send you into massive debt.) Well, let me clarify: If you use it heavily, it will develop an addiction to batteries not unlike a chain smoker’s ongoing and scandalous love affair with Nicotene. Like any other incandescent model it will thrive in the post EMP world (especially in areas where hazardous fluids have been released because of the near universal failure electronics will sucumb to.) In the still normal pre EMP world this light will be ideal when working on live electrical or electronic circuits is an absolute must, but please remove the damn key ring first if yours has one.

Another indispensible use of small flashlights.
Someday, I would love to take up the art of the Kubotan, which is a style of martial arts that teaches the use a hard, pen-sized object to strike the pressure points of a would be attacker and disarm him/her. A metal, pocket sized flashlight is ideal for these techniques and some were even built with this in mind (I believe the Mini Maglite in 1984 was one of these.) With enough skills mastered could even halt the most heavilly armed attacker in a close quarter combat situation. This is something that should be taught to and encouraged for all patrons and staff of all schools churches and hospitals, especially with the rise of mass shootings as of lately…

Inspirational or Funny Quotes

These are certain quotes that I find hold much weight. I have borrowed this from my Facebook page, since most of my blog readers don’t know me from Facebook:

Here they are:

Christian/Biblical quotes:
“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”-The Apostle Paul, Romans 6:23.

“But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”-The Apostle Paul, Romans 5:8

“For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believe in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”-John the Disciple whom Jesus loved, John 3:16.

“But what does it say? ‘The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart’ (that is, the word of faith which we preach): that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”-The Apostle Paul, Romans 10:8-10

“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”-The Apostle Paul, Romans 10:13.

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”-The Apostle Paul, Romans 9:38-39.

“For the message of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the Power of God”-The Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 1:18

“Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.”-Jesus Christ, Matthew 10:16.

“But now, whoever has a money belt is to take it along, likewise also a bag, and whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one.”-Jesus Christ, Luke 22:36.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”-The Apostle Paul, Ephesians 6:12.

“For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.”- The Apostle Paul, 1 Timothy 6:10.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”-Psalmist, Psalms 37:4.

“Jesus paid a debt that He did not owe, because we owed a debt that we could not pay.”-Unknown.

“…The vilest offender who truly believes, that moment from Jesus a pardon receives…”-Frances Jane Crosby from her hymn “To God Be The Glory.”

“…Oh, to grace, how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be, Let Thy Goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love, here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it, seal it for Thy Courts above…”-Pastor Robert Robinson from his hymn, “Come Thou Fount of every Blessing.”

“Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky in the morning, sailor’s warning.”-An ancient rhyme about weather which I believe is based on what Jesus Christ said in Mathew 16:2-3.

Quotes from famous writers:
“…All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrance…”-William Shakespeare.

“The pen is mightier than the sword.”-Edward Bulwer-Lytton

“Art imitates life and life imitates art.”-Oscar Wilde.

Quotes from others:
“Calculators don’t bounce!”-Mr. C.J. Tastet.

“…Nothing wrong with fresh white beans!…”-Mr. Wade Plaisance from Wade’s Pest Control (He told me this as he was doing a preventative spraying for bugs in my residence early one morning in 2016. I was in my kitchen cooking white beans from scratch.)

“73’s, on top of the trees! Bend those knees in the breeze!”-Someone I heard on a CB radio.

My personal quotes:
“The ability to provoke emotions is a wonderful gift…”-Me (my observation on how I cause people to experience various emotions when reading what I write.)

“I am convinced that the pen is mightier than the sword and I do not carry the pen in vain…”-Me (realizing how I can use writing to help forward a cause or have revenge on persons and entities that have wronged me.)

“If there is anything good about abusive people, it is this and probably only this: They sure are excellent inspirations to draw from for creating villainous and/or evil characters when writing fiction.”-Me (speaking from first hand experience.)

“I believe there is an extremely fine line between inspiration and plagiarism…”-Me (an observation about some of the things I’ve formerly written.)

“Give the utmost reverence where the utmost reverence is due!” -Me (trying to preach and uphold the importance of virtue and innocence.)

“You know you live in the middle of nowhere if there are no Family Dollar or Dollar General stores near you…”-Me (a little observational humor.)

“Linux based operating systems have more perks than quirks.”-Me (stating a personal computer observation.)

“The [incandescent] Mini Maglite can be used in both the medical and custodial arts and anything in between! It can meet the needs of a surgeon but still be affordable on a janitor’s wages.”-Me (stating the versatility of a Mini Maglite, from an essay I wrote about high quality incandescent flashlights.)

“When egrets take flight; foul weather in sight.” -Me. (my personal weather observation, first version.)

“When egrets fly high; foul weather is nigh.”-Me (my personal weather observation, second version.)

“Old people are cool!”-Me (stating a fact.)

“I can set my watch to it.” -Me (when complaining about any irritating event that repeatedly happens.)

“Remember the cable guy?”-Me (inside family joke.)

“Heavy Duty batteries are really Heavy Crappy and Heavy Leaky!”-Me (my personal observation on the experiences I have had with Carbon Zinc and Carbon Zinc Chloride batteries.)

“I used to bag groceries for a living and I’m anal about how it’s done.”-Me (when explaining to the cashier or bagger not to put meats from different animals or hot and cold items in the same bag.)

“The position of the grocery bagger was [heavily, but not totally] done away with after the economic downturn of 2008.”-Me (noticing how cashiers also bag groceries at many stores and have ever since about 2008.)

Excerpts and Ideas from Stories that I Never Finished

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So, I had a vision when I was sixteen:

It involved two potential lovers outside in very cold, frigid weather. I tried to make sense of it and connect some of the dots by assuming that they were spies (probably from opposing governments) in Siberia who meet there by chance. I don’t know yet if they will at first try to kill each other (as they are assigned to) but instead fall in love, then defect and run away together…Another scenario could be that they are both caught by the Siberian Special Forces and are bound up then left for dead in the snow, then fall in love and die together from hypothermia…This is what was going through my mind just moments prior to me writing my first story, which was quite different yet still a little similar from this, on the evening of April 10, 2003…
*************************************************************************************
Two forbidden lovers conversing:

I initially wrote this some time in 2008…

“Watch the sun as it moves across the sky: When the rooster crows, it is dawn. When you begin to sweat, it is mid-morning. When there are no shadows, it is noon. When the crows begin to call, it is sunset. When the crickets chirp, it is dusk. When the wolves howl, moon rise is nigh. When the gates to the property close, it is nighttime. I will try my hardest to meet up with you at each of those times.”

“The way you explained all that sounded so beautiful. It makes me want you all the more! My God, how I wish we could be together without having to sneak around.”

“And how I wish I could kiss your beautiful face in front of the whole world, but I don’t want you to lose your job. But I will kiss you just as passionately in the shadows…Our next meeting will be at noon.”
*************************************************************************************
Two Students Attending a Strict High School:

This possibly takes place in a dystopian society.

I had help from some peers (though they were of the opposite sex) when I was writing this in the late Spring of 2004.

One day during lunch a kind and noble boy, about seventeen, was walking around looking for a spot to sit when he noticed a beautiful girl, about fourteen, sitting by herself and shaking.

He walks up to her table and asks, “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing dont worry about it,” She answers, but is in obvious distress.

“Is this seat taken?” He asks her.

“No, you can sit here if you want to.”

The boy sits next to her and they eat together.

Awkwardly but sweetly they stare into each others’ eyes, then begin to eat their lunches.

After they finish eating, the boy asks her, “What is bothering you? I know something is wrong and I wish I could help you.”

The girl breaks down and says, “My step dad would beat me and you if he knew we were talking.” She pauses then continues, “The school officials are keeping a close eye on me because my quietness arouses their suspicion.”

“Well you seem to be a very sweet girl and you do not deserve that kind of ill treatment. I’ll stand up for you if any school employee or anyone for that matter including your step dad if he tries to harm you.”

“Are you crazy” She asked him, “If you confront a school worker like that you will be humiliated, whipped, thrown in the dungeon and who know’s what else? If you confront my step dad, he’s likely to beat the daylights out of you then call the cops.”

The boy answered, “It would definitely be worth it for you.” Then he smiled and winked at her.

She smiled at him and blushed a little…
*************************************************************************************
Part of this came to me in a dream I had in the Autumn of 2006:

A young love stricken man named Gallen Blain was talking to his pilot Jim Donson and asked, “Have you ever shopped at the Goodness Department Store?”

Jim replied “Yeah I shop. I fly all around the country shopping for women.”

Gallen replied “Well there is a very beautiful young lady who works there, her name is Mandi Case.”

“Why limit yourself to just one?”

“Because I love her and only her! Don’t I catch enough hell about that from the other workers?”
*************************************************************************************
A conversation between a young industrial designer and his financial backer.  This was inspired by a dream I had in the Autumn of 2012  I penned about two years later:

“I know you have no formal training, but I hear you’re good. From what my grandson tells me you sure know tradesman tools.”

“Well, I certainly try my best, Mr. McCloud. I worked as a technician for 2 years, then I sold tradesman tools for another two years. I would like to think that I know what improvements need to be made.”

“That’s why I hired you.”

“And I promise to give you and your company my best designs.”

“Good. I expect nothing less.”

“Should I show you some of my ideas right now? I have been wanting them to be put into existence for years now. I just never had the manufacturing resources nor the financial backing.”

“Yes. Just give me a preview of what is to come.”

“All right. I feel, that my expertise as far as tradesman’s tools is concerned is the area of portable lighting. I have three revolutionary ideas for flashlights and I hope you will accept.”

“Go on.”

“Well, for starters, I have designed a line for electricians…”

“Good. Interesting, I have been looking to diversify my products and this may just be it.”

“There’s more.”

“Go on.”
*************************************************************************************
I penned this in 2012, but was inspired to write it from a dream I had in 2007:

Helen Williams was reprimanding Amelia Esterwood with anger, “People all over town are gossiping about how you and Cade Jennings were sitting in the diner, talking about aphrodisiacs. They are even saying that you and him mixed it in your drinks. Is this true?”

Cade Jennings stepped out from his eavesdropping and said, “What if it were true? I am so fed up with all this small town gossip. Why should she be punished because of something I convinced her to do. It was my idea to drink her potion.”

Helen adjusted her glasses and looked sternly at Cade, as she spoke, “So it’s you that did this? I would have thought much better of you, Cade. You come from a family of upright people and then you go and do this? I am very disappointed in you.” She paused and then spoke to Amelia “And you, if you want to work for me and have your affordable housing, you better stop this filthy behavior right now.” She then told Amelia, dismissively “Now get back to work. And Cade you mind your own business.”

Cade replied, “Tell all these other nosy small town people with nothing better to do, that they should do the same.”

“Why should they?” Helen asked with anger and continued, “If you are not doing anything wrong you should have nothing to hide.” Helen paused, then said “If anyone is doing something shameful, then he or she should and will be shunned. That way it will deter people from doing all things questionable.”

Cade who was now irritated once again said “Well what if everyone knew how you were illegally renting out rooms on your property? Don’t act like you’re so righteous.”

Helen grew very angry and agitated “Shut your mouth young man. Didn’t your parents teach you not to question your elders?”

Quick-witted, Cade replied “Well didn’t yours teach you that honesty is the right thing to do? The way you treat your workers is very dishonest!”

“How would you know how I treat my workers?” Ms. Helen asked with great irritation.

Cade replied, “It’s the talk of the town. Isn’t it something how you say that everyone should know if someone is doing something questionable.”
Helen was speechless.

Amelia smiled brightly at Cade.

Finally, Helen broke the silence and said “Cade, I am appalled by your disrespect, but I don’t have the time to argue with you. Your parents are going to hear about that mouth you have, rest assured.”

She looked at Amelia, then said “Come with me now, you have been standing here, not working all the time Cade and I were arguing. I am going to dock your pay.”

Amelia reluctantly followed from a slight distance, but turned around to look at Cade. She blew him a kiss and then silently said “I love you Cade.” He read her lips and then spoke silently “I love you too, Amelia.” He then blew her a kiss.
*************************************************************************************

If the [Male] Characters on Y&R Everyday Carried Swiss Army Knives

Yes, I am a guy.

Yes, I am 100% straight.

Yes, I like to watch soap operas, especially Y&R.

I am secure enough in my masculinity to admit this.

However, as a guy, I can appreciate certain things on the soap operas that the overwhelming majority of female viewers tend to overlook.

I tend to notice all of the props used by the characters such as cellular/landline phones, guns/knives, laptops/tablets, and especially flashlights.

By the way, I don’t just notice these in the soap operas but, other shows I watch, like MacGyver.

This piece is me trying to decide which Swiss Army Knife should be edced by certain male [adult] characters on Y&R.

It is written to be a little humorous, as don’t think I have ever seen a Swiss Army Knife ever used by anyone on a soap opera.

I apologize if I am missing a character or two, but I am only going off of those that are currently on the show as of Autumn 2017.

All of these knives and tools should be available for purchase at Fenmore’s Department Store!

I would like to thank Victorinox and Wikipedia for assisting me in the research needed to write this.

Okay, here goes:

Noah Newman should definitely have the Victorinox Wine Master, for the simple fact that he owns bars and nightclubs. He is very hands-on with his businesses and doesn’t mind serving customers.

Nicholas Newman should use the Victorinox Handyman. Despite being a rich, spoiled heir to the Newman fortune, he still is a hard worker and seems like a guy who will roll up his sleeves and get many things done.

Jack Abbott would probably use a Victorinox GolfTool. He seems like the type who would love to play 18 holes when not in the office at Jabot or tending to his family.

Paul Williams even though he is a police chief and not a fire chief should carry the Victorinox Rescue Tool. This is because I have seen and heard of cops performing vehicle rescues when the fire department can’t get there quick enough. Paul is a hands-on leader and many times does the work of his deputies himself.

Cane Ashby should use a Victorinox Work Champ XL because he is now the acting CEO of Chancellor Industries and Lord Knows he can afford one. Not to mention he could impress his board members by getting a plethora of tasks done should any given situation arise.

Colin Atkinson should use a Victorinox Explorer, especially when he travels to his native Australia.

Scott Grainger should use a Victorinox SwissTool Spirit XBS in case he ever needs to assist the good guys with any task in their efforts to expose the bad guys, whether it’s covering newsworthy events in a war zone or busting up a sex trafficking ring.

Michael Baldwin should use a Victorinox Classic with Gold Ingot because he is a wealthy attorney who appreciates fine things. It could be a gift from his wife Lauren. Graham Bloodworth and Neil Winters should also probably carry one of these.

Devon Hamilton should have the Victorinox Traveller, it would definitely come in handy for him, especially when touring the world on his private jet.

Kevin Fisher and Billy Abbott should each carry a Victorinox Midnite Manager@Work. Kevin should because simply because he is a computer whiz and Billy should for storing all of the confidential files he illegally downloaded from Jabot’s servers.

Victor Newman, while he could probably buy all of the Swiss Army Knife models ever made several times over should probably edc the Victorinox Swiss Soldier’s Knife 08, since it is a standard issue item for the German Army (the country from which the actor that portrays him was born and raised.) I believe he does indeed wear a Victorinox wristwatch.

What do you think?

Please let me know…

All of my Funny and Noteworthy Facebook Posts

Some of my blog’s viewers are referred from Facebook, but others are not friends with me on the said social network.

Here is a condensed listing of all the posts I have made on Facebook that were meant to be humorous or noteworthy, at least I thought so. Not everyone gets my humor and/or thought process all the time so I will ask for your forgiveness ahead of time if you visited this page and didn’t have at least a few laughs or deep thoughts…Check back often for updates.

On December 14, 2018, I posted: “Red lights are definitely annoying when driving…However, I’ve learned there is a perk about red lights is that you can safely give bae a kiss while stopped at a red light!”

On December 9, 2018, I posted: “I don’t exactly live in the city. I am not going to grow a beard, although I do need to shave. However I sometimes wear a news boy hat. And I prefer to use an incandescent flashlight over an LED flashlight, so that means I prefer some obsolete technology. I do write a lot but primarily with a computer and certainly not a typewriter, however I do EDC pens and a composition book. There is a boom box next to my bed, but it lacks a cassette deck. I am a Millenial. I do like to drink coffee, but technically it’s a blend of coffee and chickory with milk. My girlfriend and I do refer to each other as “bae.” So in light of this evidence I’ve come to the conclusion that I am somewhat of a hipster, or at least I show some traits of a hipster but not a full blown hipster…”

On December 3, 2018, I posted: “I definitely feel naked without a flashlight, but I’m beginning to also feel naked without my Leatherman. I had changed my pants last night and left it clipped to the belt loop of my other pair of pants…”

On December 2, 2018, I posted: “Did anyone catch “The Simpsons” this evening? Was it even shown? The reason why I am wondering is that I want to know if there were any references to the late President Bush…He was frequently mocked on that said show, but in all fairness, he brought it upon himself when he spoke of how he wanted American families “to be more like The Waltons and less like The Simpsons”…In a nutshell, “The Simpsons” is nothing more than a satire of Post Modern [American] Society and we are all to blame for the ill repercussions that Post Modernism has caused…Many stories (especially my “Grocer and Writer” series) that I have written are inspired by nothing more than the results of Post Modernism’s effects on society…For the record, I quit watching “The Simpsons” years ago, because it so accurately portrays the reaping of what was sowed by Post Modernism and it is quite depressing to be reminded constantly of how society has fallen so far from grace and is going to hell in a handbasket…”

On December 1, 2018, I posted: “I bet one of those custom made “A Thousand Points of Light” Mini Maglites that were given out during the 1989 presidential inauguration have appreciated that much more in value now that President Bush as passed away…”

On November 28, 2018, I posted:
“The Weather Radio writers sure like the phrase “good working order.””

AND

“I thought for a bit that my Leatherman was not only forgotten but also misplaced, but, praise God, I found it!”

AND (EARLIER THAT AFTERNOON):

“Durn it, I forgot my Leatherman!”

On November 25, 2018, I posted: “Up until a few years ago Target used to be an excellent store for selling EDC items, especially during my teen and very early twenties years. I actually saw a true Swiss Army Knife in real life for the first time in a Target on Black Friday, November 29, 2002. In those days, Target had a wider selection of Swiss Army Knives and they came bundled with cool accesories. Target also had a wider selection of flashlights and good flashlights at that. Well, at least they still sell pretty good Swiss backpacks. I plan to write a piece further elaborating about this on my blog so stay tuned…”

On November 24, 2018, I posted:
“At many of my family get-togethers, over the years if I was carrying one on me, I would take a knife with an assisted opening mechanism and deploy it. My Paw Paw, God rest his soul, would always comment that switchblades are illegal and how I shouldn’t have that. I would always have to explain to him that it isn’t a switchblade and is perfectly legal. This past Thanksgiving, I wasn’t able to have that conversation with him, nor did I even have a tactical knife on me, but I did have a Swiss Army Knife and a flashlight or two on me. He too liked flashlights, but not as much as me and he particularly liked those budget friendly 6 Volt Lanterns. Actually a little over a month before he passed, he sold his car to me and, I keep a vintage Eveready Commander lantern just like the one he is showing me in my cover photo on the floorboard of my car to honor and remember him in my own weird way…”

AND

“I haven’t had one in a while but I have a recurring dream about a railroad line running along the 40 Arpent Canal in Raceland. I always enjoy that dream when I have it…”

On November 23, 2018, I posted: “I’m I Raceland right now and something awesome happened a few minutes ago: The DJ on Magic 101.9 said, “As you shop the malls we are decking the halls!” Then he played the Manheim Steamroller version of “Deck the Halls.” At the same time, my scanner picked up a brake line pressure telemetry transmission from a train passing through Raceland!”

On November 16, 2018, I posted: “For the second night in a row, I get to have spaghetti with my favorite sauce, the Ragu` Chunky Garden Combination! For just under $3, I got a jar of that said sauce and a pound of spaghetti noodles at my local Dollar General. Notice I didn’t call it the Ruble General this time, because tonight’s shopping experience on par with that of a Western country and not the Soviet Bloc…For the record I shop at the Dollar General almost every day and the one nearest my residence is like shopping in a Western country, but others, are like what I’ve read shopping in the former Soviet Union was like…”

On November 15, 2018, I posted: “Baroni`a Number 7 Spaghetti with Ragu` Chunky Garden Combination Sauce (my favorite spaghetti sauce.) That’s what’s for dinner!”

On November 14, 2018, I posted: “WARNING This post is borderline politically charged, but here goes: I wonder if there were any sword control laws in bygone societies say Ancient Rome or Ancient Greece? I wonder if there were any places designated as weapon free zones back then too? Just wondering…”

On November 13, 2018, I posted: “My parents are not and were not DXers by any stretch of the imagination. However, they told me that when they were in their teens and twenties, they used to try and catch the radio station KAAY out of Little Rock, Arkansas, on their transistor radios so they could hear the underground rock music it played. At some point that station became a Christian station and actually the most powerful Christian radio station in the country. Last night I was flipping through the AM channels on my car radio and caught it. Southern Gospel was playing, which is my favorite genre of Christian music. Immediately, I saved it on m presets. There are no radio stations in my immediate area that play Southern Gospel, but after sunset, I can tune KAAY in very well, except when driving by transformers and other electrical infrastructure. The dial position is 1090 on the AM band if anyone else wants to listen. NOTE the only way one might be able to hear it in this part of Louisiana during the day is with a very high quality AM radio, such as one of the C. Crane CC Radios or a General Electric Super Radio and maybe not but after dark just about any AM radio between the Rockies and Appalachians should be able to pick it up because AM signals travel further at night than during the day…”

On November 8, 2018, I posted: “Does anyone else remember around the Summer of 1997, when pitas were being served at Wendy’s? I was ten years old at the time, and always wanted the Garden Ranch Chicken pita, but couldn’t get a ride to Wendy’s, because the closest one was about 15 miles away…”

On November 6, 2018, I posted: “How old am I? Christmas/Evergreen Trees on Energizer Batteries old…”

On November 5, 2018, I posted:
“I was making groceries today and among the items I had purchased was a bottle of Ketchup/Catsup. In my haste, I purchased the Sodium Free version of the said condiment. I really was in a hurry, because I usually take my time and pay painstaking attention when making groceries, but I was tired and had a lot to do today Just now I was eating some French Fries to take my medication and I dipped one of them in that recently purchased Ketchup/Catsup. Talk about awful! I think I am going to mix some Mayonaise with it in order to salvage this late meal…Let me just say that I am thankful my blood pressure is well under control with just medication and that I don’t have to eliminate all salt from my diet. But I don’t cook with salt either…”

AND

“The age difference of my two favorite super-couples on As the World Turns was four years, namely Jack Snyder and Carly Tenney Snyder as well as Holden Snyder and Lilly Walsh Snyder…On The Young and the Restless, there are a bunch of May-September couples, such as Victor Newman and Nikki Reed Newman, but also when Jack Abbot was in a relationship with Phyllis Summers and when Hillary Curtis was married to Neil Winters and Cain Ashby married to Lilly Winters and even Paul Williams and Christine Blair…”

AND

“I renewed my driver’s license at the DMV and it cost me $32.25…The worst part of the whole ordeal was the long wait and then the temporary equipment failure, come on Louisiana, y’all can do better than this, but thank God I don’t have to do this again for six years!”

On November 1, 2018, I posted: “I have four closets in my apartment and one of them makes an ideal tornado shelter!”

On October 29, 2018, I posted:
“Does anyone else find a similarity between “Daddy Sang Bass” by Johnny Cash and “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen?”

AND

“For the past few days, my mobile data has been throttled once again. When I am not in range of usable WiFi, I am forced to connect at speeds appropriate only for using a Bulletin Board System…That can be quite frustrating when I want to look at sites like Facebook or YouTube. Unfortunately, there is no more Temple of the Screaming Electron…”

On October 21, 2018, I posted: “I’ve been knowing about tactical flashlights for years…How about someone start making “strategic” flashlights too, which could be tactical flashlights on steroids!”

On October 16, 2018, I posted: “…For anyone who needs or wants to everyday carry, SwissGear is an excellent brand which I have been using since 2006! I find SwissGear which is a Wenger brand to be superior, yet more affordable than its former competitor, now parent Victorinox!”

On October 15, 2018, I posted: “I was thinking of writing my own story about appliances that are secretly alive but their owners don’t know. Yes my idea was from The Brave Little Toaster and their owner is a young man in his late teens or early twenties. Some of his appliances I already thought of are: A scanner radio, which has the personality of a paranoid conspiracy theorist AND A Weather Radio which has the personality of a sheep (as in a person who trusts those in authority no matter what.) There could then be a laptop with an encyclopedic knowledge but definitely on the Autism Spectrum. I would also have to create a high end calculator character, that has an admiration for all of the Renaissance scientists and constantly references them. Finally he could have an MP3 player which has the attitude of a female R&B singer and she keeps the rest of the group in line. There’s tons of potential for this, especially in terms of conflict, or at least in my mind…The owner could get a smartphone which he carries everywhere and makes all of his other gadgets obsolete”

On October 14, 2018, I posted:
“The TI-34 scientific calculator was introduced in 1987 and the earlier versions of this calculator almost rivaled the features TI-35/TI-36. However, in 1999, the TI-34II was released and many features were removed. Its subsequent releases, such as the TI-34 MultiView in 2008, has fewer features than even a standard TI-30. The modern TI-30 is designed for high schoolers (and pretty much always was) whereas the modern TI-34 is designed for middle schoolers, but was previous designed for high school (and even college students.)”

AND

“Flashlights are to me what pacifiers are to Maggie Simpson…”

On October 12, 2018, I posted: “What if Voice of the Wetlands was in addition to a festival, also a shortwave (worldwide) broadcasting station that played Cajun music but also had a news service from a Cajun perspective? Another radio program could teach its listeners how to speak Cajun French…”

On October 11, 2018, I posted:
“One more Sears post, hopefully this is the final: Because of President Trump’s trade policies, what if Craftsman Wrenches and possibly other Craftsman tools will once again be American made?”

AND

“And one more thing about Sears: My Craftsman tool satchel came to life and shouted, “I am starving; bring me a Craftsman Wrench Set to eat!” In all seriousness, I’ve been wanting a Craftsman Wrench set for about two years now, but I can never justify the cost.””

AND

“Speaking of Target and Sears, I went browse around at Southland Mall earlier this evening and I cannot help but wonder, how much longer will it be open? All my favorite stores there are gone with the exception of Dillard’s. Both Sears and Sears Hardware are gone, Radio Shack is gone, a scientific toy store that was there in my late childhood is long gone, Rite Aid (formerly K&B) is gone, Woolworth’s is gone, JC Penney is still there, but doesn’t have the selection that it once had and out of all the stores that are still there I don’t think a single one sells any decent flashlights, if any at all…All I can say is Thank God for eBay, where I can get almost anything I want, both current and vintage!”

AND

“[The Brave Little Toaster was] My favorite movie as a child and still one of my favorite movies! I always think of it when shopping in the appliance section at Target and/or Sears…”

On October 8, 2018, I posted: “I first heard the “Baby Shark” song back in 2003 when I was in high school…We used to sing it at Key Club events, does anyone else remember that?”

On October 6, 2018, I posted:
“I finally have my own weather instruments, which I placed the receiver on my night stand. This device has a hydrometer (measures relative humidity), indoor and outdoor thermometers (measure temperature) and my personal favorite, a barometer (measures air pressure and can detect frontal boundaries as well as approaching storms.) It also has a clock with calendar and moon phases. Also on my night table is my Weather Radio, Boom Box, Atomic Clock receiver and flashlight in the background…”

AND

“Cherry Kool Aid is so durn good! That is all…”

On October 4, 2018, I posted:
“In honor of today being 10-4 and CB Radio Day, I have something to say: 73’s On top of the trees! Bend those knees in the breeze!”

AND

“I’ve gotten back into listening to world band radio, but the overwhelming majority of what I can receive due to my geographic location is all in Spanish…”

On September 28, 2018, I posted:
“Both Android and Ubuntu are Linux based operating systems. I sincerely wish the the latter was as popular as the former. I’ve known for some time that Android’s releases are almost all code named after desserts. I’m just now realizing that all of Ubuntu’s releases are code named after wildlife…”

AND

“I’m happy report that the NOAA Weather Radio station out of Morgan City, Louisiana, KIH23, is finally back on the air. I discovered this by accident. I wanted to set as many alarms as possible to wake me up tomorrow morning and was going to use the alarm feature on my bedside Weather Radio, a Midland WR-120EZ, but I accidentally pressed the Weather/Snooze button and the broadcast came in on there. I was thrilled. In fact I was so thrilled that I tried tuning it in on my other Weather Radios, but had limited success. The station is back on the air but I question if it is back on at full strength or if there is a reduction in power or antenna efficiency at the transmitter, which is located just South of Amelia, Louisiana…”

On September 26, 2018, I posted: “Why is it that Newsy is free on a Roku Box but costs extra on Charter Spectrum, yet CNN, Fox News and MSNBC all come with the most basic packages. From my experience, Newsy isn’t biased one way or the other and more press organizations need to be like that…”

On September 20, 2018, I posted:
“If you have a low spec device and it is so slow that it takes forever to run the simplest of apps, those around may say that your device, for lack of a better word “sucks.” Maybe then it would make a decent vacuum cleaner since it sucks so much…”

AND

“I think all Bayou Blue residents and anyone who regularly commutes between Raceland and Houma on the Old Highway 90 (now Highway 182), should write to the State of Louisiana about the traffic light at the junction of Highway 182 and Bayou Blue Road (AKA Highway 316.) What needs to be said in this written message is how instead of timing the traffic lights, install traffic density sensors and use them to control the traffic lights instead. Many times, there is a green light but no traffic is passing through it, while the other portions of the junction have red lights and traffic is backed up unnecessarily. I see it every day while driving through that said intersection. Installing traffic density sensors would totally solve this problem and also have a positive economic impact on our area in so many ways…”

On September 18, 2018, I posted:
“I know earlier today I posted how I wondered what Lech Walesa’s work tools were like when he was a shipyard electrician…Shortly after making that post I did a slight bit of research trying to find out what Soviet era flashlights were like. After doing this research, I can say with total confidence that I certainly would not want to use them for work or even pleasure and Lord help me if I would have needed one during any emergency. If I was to buy one it would strictly be for collector’s purposes and stay on a shelf or in a box. Even if they were built well, I do not like their form factor. High quality, rugged and especially tactical flashlights are originally an American invention and idea, although the Chinese also make some pretty decent tactical flashlights when they want to. The French and Germans also make some decent flashlights, but theirs unfortunately aren’t available in America…”

AND

“I finally found out where WGUO’s AKA Gumbo 94.9’s transmitter tower is located and let me say that this finding surely explains a whole lot why that station’s signal bleeds all over my FM dial when I am in the neighborhood I grew up in. The weird part is that I didn’t have that issue as a teenager or twenty-something because in my early teens it was a rock station and in my later teens until I was twenty-five-going-on-twenty-six it was a Gospel station and it didn’t bleed all over the dial as it does now…”

AND

“This is something I’ve been wondering for a while now: What kind of tools did Lech Walesa everyday carry when he was a shipyard electrician in Gdansk, Poland? What were they like mostly in terms of durability and reliability? I’m particularly interested in his flashlight, coping knife, pliers and screwdrivers…”

On September 17, 2018, I posted:

“Happy 27th Birthday to the Linux family of operating systems! The computing world is a better place since you came into it…”

AND

“At the urging of my Maw Maw and both of my parent’s, I’ve decided to quit eating peanuts and all peanut products, because of a potential allergy, albeit very slight as of now. I think the time that I will take this hardest is around Christmas when Planter’s start a selling their Winter Spice Nuts and all the other specialty mixed nuts they sell only around Christmas time…At least my mom will still make those spiced oatmeal cookies that she makes really well…”

On September 16, 2018, I posted: “I’m in the mood to quote The Bible tonight and the verse I am going to quote is Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” Over the past three days, God helped me complete a task that I was starting to believe was insurmountable, but praise Him, I was finally successful by His help!”

On September 15, 2018, I posted: “I have a very slight peanut allergy, but I am still able to eat peanuts and peanut products. The only issue is that sometimes, not every time, after eating them, my throat has a nasty itch and I frequently cough. This morning for breakfast, I ate a peanut butter sandwich on white bread and drank two cups of a coffee and chickory blend. Now my throat itches and every now and then, I cough violently. I’ve eaten and enjoyed peanuts and peanut products since infancy, but since my teen years, I’ve developed my slight allergy to them, but it is so slight that no medical attention has ever been needed, just irritation of the throat…”

On September 6, 2018, I posted:
“A memory of my childhood resurfaced this evening while at church. I was about two years old and my cousin Ryan Scott was either eleven or twelve. We were sitting with our Paw Paw on the backyard swing and he was singing the hymn “Swing Low Sweet Chariot” to us as a plane was flying over us. That neighborhood was and still is under a flight route…”

On September 5, 2018, I posted:
“Rest in Peace Paw Paw. Besides Jesus, I had idolized you and wanted to be like you. You always took care of your family and spoiled all of us, right to the very end. You had the most awesome sense of humor and could make me laugh even in my worst of depression. I miss you terribly, but will remember all of your jokes and all the cool things you taught me over the years. You are the reason why I like flashlights so much, as my cover photo indicates. I hope to see you again, love Eric John!”

On September 3, 2018, I posted:
“I’m actually voluntarily watching cable television. Granted, it’s The Weather Channel and I’m not subscribing to cable but rather watching it at my grandparents’ house…I know I frequently rant and rave about the lack of original programming on cable and I still cannot justify the cost of subscribing to it myself, but The Weather Channel is decent and helpful, especially when there is no Weather Radio broadcast available…”

On September 2, 2018, I posted:
“I just found out that Matchbox, since about 2016, has made die cast diesel-electric locomotives. The 2016 Heavy Railer has coloring similar to Kansas City Southern’s “Southern Belle” scheme. The 2017 Heavy Railer has coloring similar to CSX’s “Bright Future” scheme. My foamer friends who know me well enough know that I like to foam the KCS, though usually only by scanner. But since I like to collect Matchbox cars, I will try to acquire the 2016 Heavy Railer, because of its similarity to a KCS Southern Belle locomotive…”

AND

“Delaware is the first state admitted to the Union. Hawaii is the latest state admitted to the Union. Both states have punch soft drinks named after them. If Puerto Rico ever becomes a state, it probably would have a punch drink named after it, but it would not be a soft drink. It would definitely be a hard drink, due to it containing a significant amount of rum…”

On August 29, 2018, I posted:
“All modern FM broadcast band receivers with a rotary or slide rule tuner should have an Automatic Frequency Control circuit installed. Out in Raceland WGUO aka Gumbo 94.9’s signal bleeds all over the dial on my Sony ICF-P26. In Bayou Blue, K-Love’s signal, on 106.3, bleeds all over my dial on the same radio and others. It is durn near impossible to get NPR unless I have a radio with a phase lock looped tuner, so I am using my Maw Maw’s Sony CFD-S05 boom box to hear NPR…”

On August 28, 2018, I posted:
“The Weather Radio station KIH23 in Morgan City is still off the air as of earlier today. There might have been a tornado in the Houma area today, but I had no way of knowing, because I was asleep and there was no weather broadcast to alert me…”

On August, 27, 2018, I posted:
“What might have been a viral respiratory infection about a week ago (I honestly thought it was bacterial), had weakened my immune system enough to allow Streptococcal pharyngitis, also more commonly known as strep throat, to set in. The good news is that I was given oral antibiotics to treat it, so I will be taking two pills a day for the next ten days. Everyone pray for me!”

On August 26, 2018, I posted:
“I’ve got an appointment with my family doctor tomorrow afternoon. I probably have some sort of respiratory infection, which I get every now and then, but now I will be able to get it treated…”

On August 25, 2018, I posted:
“I was in Arkansas for the past two days, but I’m back home now. That said state has some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Everyone I came across over there was polite and friendly. Unfortunately, I am coming down with something and feel under the weather. It started last night with painful muscle and joint aches, a sore throat and chills. If I had to guesss, I probably have a respratory infection of some kind. I know I am not feeling well, because my urge to drink soft drinks is basically non existent, when usually I cannot go more than a few hours without a soft drink and feel any comfort or ease. For breakfast this morning, I had to force myself to drink orange juice, something which I would usually drink an over abundance of. I will try to see my doctor if these symptoms don’t go away by Monday. To my church family, if I am not in church tomorrow, it is because I am feeling under the weather and I’m not sure if what I have is catching…”

On August 23, 2018, I posted:
“There was this calculator that I had purchased at Wal Mart in June or so of 2007 and edced it for a while thereafter. It was a very basic calculator, nothing fancy at all. I’m almost sure the brand name was LeWorld, but I could be wrong. Anyway, the cabinet was white and I think the buttons were black. It had a segmented liquid crystal display, but the digits in the display were a yellowish green on a black background instead of black on a white or whitish background like a typical liquid crystal display has. It was both solar and battery powered and could fit in a breast pocket. The size was comparable to that of the silver Sentry brand calculators sold at The Family Dollar. Unfortunately, I misplaced mine in late 2013 or early 2014. I remember that the original iPhone was released around the time I purchased this calculator and I remember going around, flashing that calculator and saying, “Wait! I have an iPhone too. This is my iPhone!” I cannot find another one like it to save my life. I’ve done exhausted searches on eBay and even that durn Amazon site, plus a general Google search, but had no real results. So, if anyone remembers the particular model number or any other revealing information by the physical description I had given of it, please drop me a line…”

AND

“I was looking at the wire for where my grandparents used to have their television antenna, prior to them subscribing to cable. I was amazed to learn that it was a 300 Ohm twin lead cable and not a 75 Ohm coaxial cable…They were/are considering getting rid of their cable television subscription and I was explaining to them that if they put up an antenna, they could catch about thirty or more channels and I would be glad to install their antenna for them if they went that route. I had also pulled up their guide feature and proved to them that there is not much original or quality programming on cable anymore. When they first subscribed to cable it was maybe $8 a month and the programming was excellent and original, but some time in the late 2000’s or early 2010’s cable television began to sharply decline in its quality and originality while skyrocketing in subscription costs. Not only that, prior to the early 2010’s, either the television or at least the VCR had a cable tuner and there was no need for that durn cable box, which my grandparents struggle to operate proficiently…”

AND

“It has been almost six years since the last time and the weather was much more stable this time, but earlier this evening I calibrated my Grandparents’ old barometer. It was only off by one-hundredth of an Inch of Mercury when compared with other air pressure observations taken in Raceland, Louisiana, so I took the smaller sized flat head screwdriver from my Polish screwdriver set and turned the set screw to position the needle where it needed to be. That was quite difficult getting it right on the money, believe it or not, and I am ashamed to admit, that from the frustration, I did not maintain neither a Christian vocabulary nor an inside voice. In my previous post, which I deleted because of inaccuracy, in which I stated the weather instruments were made in West Germany. They were actually made in Japan, but they reminded me of a model I had come across that was frequently made in West Germany. I was trying to be funny and say that I used a Polish screwdriver, to calibrate a German barometer when in all actuality the barometer is Japanese…”

On August 21, 2018, I posted:
“From a personal observation, I’ve come to the conclusion that old men, particularly those from the Greatest Generation and the Silent Generation, but probably the generations prior to those as well, have a special fondness for budget/economy friendly plastic flashlights. They really love those 6 Volt lantern flashlights. I’ve been doing some research and realize that these old men more than likely had a field day shopping at Radio Shack prior to 1989, for that and many other reasons…I do stand by my statement that I wish I knew The Bible like I know the Radio Shack catalogs…”

On August 20, 2018, I posted:
“Well, it’s rare that I find inaccurate information on Wikipedia, but just now I found something inaccurate on the said website: On their page dedicated to the National Weather Service New Orleans/Baton Rouge area, it is stated that “…Broadcasting activities of WXL41 began on August 17, 2005; when the NWS in New Orleans/Baton Rouge added a transmitter at Buras…” However, if you read the 1979 Radio Shack Catalog on page 175, it lists all of the Weather Radio broadcast stations active in the United States for that year, and guess what Buras, Louisiana is listed on that page, though it is misspelled, with two Rs instead of one. My biggest question is where did the writer of that Wikipedia article get his or her information?”

On August 19, 2018, I posted:
“The NOAA Weather Radio station KIH23 in Morgan City has been off the air for at least two days now…The number to report an outage is 1-888-886-1227…”

On August 18, 2018, I posted:
“The Weather Radio station KIH23 in Morgan City, Louisiana is offline and has been at least since yesterday…”

On August 16, 2018, I posted:
“Alcohol may have helped [Earnest] Hemmingway write like he did, but Wild Cherry Pepsi helps me write like I do. However, he was an extremely better writer than I and I would be very happy if I could just write half as well as he wrote…”

On August 5, 2018, I posted:
“I can say with total confidence, more than ever, that I love Jesus Christ, but I sure do detest religion…”

On August 4, 2018, I posted:
“I’m snapping almost two pounds of green beans by myself, but it will sure be worth it when I eat them!”

On July 31, 2018, I posted:
“Driving through Baton Rouge at night is very inspirational for my writing and also causes me to reminisce about things I had previously written…”

On July 27, 2018, I posted:
“I just got finished reading the July 25th 2018 edition of The Times of Houma Thibodaux. I know I am two days late, but am totally impressed by the honest, straight forward and balanced reporting yet again. This newspaper is a true asset for our surrounding communities and I wish it was published more than once a week…”

On July 25, 2018, I posted:
“I have unspoken prayers…Please pray for me.”

On July 23, 2018, I posted:
“I think for the next person who asks me if i play a musical instrument, I’ll simply but bluntly reply, “I don’t know!””

On July 22, 2018, I posted:
“Over the past few years I have posted to Facebook little quips involving the word “bae”, and I also made a post about gaslighting, trying to be funny and serious at the same time. Right now ghosting is on my mind, but I draw a blank when trying to make a witty post about the act of ghosting. All I can say is “Don’t do it!” Ghosting is a terrible thing, but is unfortunately all too frequent in today’s society…It sady is done even by Christians.”

On July 21, 2018, I posted:
“Skip is still rolling in. I am using a portable scanner with a stock antenna. I am in the Houma area, but hearing Union Pacific communications out of the Lake Charles and Beaumont areas. This is simply unheard of and impossible under normal conditions, but it is giving me lots of entertainment while I do household chores…”

“Skip is still rolling in, though not as intense. My television is catching stations from Texas and Mississippi. My scanner has quited down somewhat…”

AND

“Radio skip has been going on over South Louisiana since sometime last night. I spent most of the evening and into the morning hours listening to railroad communications that I usually cannot hear until the batteries in my scanner became weak. Skip is still rolling in as of the past few minutes. Anyone with a scanner should listen…”

On July 17, 2018, I posted:
“I’m back from my eye appointment. I was diagnosed as being Far Sighted and also having Slight Astigmatism. I was prescribed special reading glasses to deal with those diagnoses…”

On July 13, 2018, I posted:
“I’m glad that I’ll be seeing an eye doctor on the 17th, because right now I cannot read the stamping on my flashlight bulbs, not even with my glasses. I cannot tell if PR2 or PR6 is stamped on the base of the bulb. Judging by the overall dimness and color temperature, I’m almost sure it is a PR6…If I ever felt my actual age, right now is it.”

AND

“Here’s a little Christmas in July: Around Christmas time, many stores sell cane shaped clear plastic tubes and orange or red handles filled with bite-sized candies inside them. They are given as gifts. When I was a younger child, I always thought of pipeline markers sticking out of the ground when I saw or was given one…That’s probably proof that even as a child, I always thought outside the box…Did anyone else think this too or am I the only one?”

On July 11, 2018, I posted:
“To all my writer friends out there: Is there any particular drink you like to consume when writing? Is it a hard drink or a soft drink? My favorite drink when writing is Wild Cherry Pepsi and is typically my favorite [soft] drink in general. There is something about it that allows me to be creative. Now that I got my desired writing project done for the evening and ahead of time, I’m going relax and read “The Times of Houma Thibodaux.””

AND

“…Don’t get me wrong, I like to hear old men talk about the weather, but it can be very amusing to hear old women talk about old men, although you might blush quite a bit after hearing some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths…Speaking of old men talking about the weather, I am preparing my piece for the Radio Shack Weather Cube and the research is coming along nicely…”

AND

“The Weather Cube was an entry level Weather Radio made for and sold by Radio Shack from about 1969 to 2012…It had undergone design changes quite a few times, but is still a classic. I keep one in my living room and was just listening to updates on Tropical Storm Chris on it. I always pictured it being furnished in an off grid cabin in Yellowstone National Park. I also plan to write a blog post about this cool Weather Radio in the upcoming days…”

On July 7, 2018, I posted: “Warning: This post may save your life and property: I’ve seen some posts floating around Facebook questioning whether it s really dangerous to bathe or shower during a lightning storm. Let me clarify and say yes it most certainly is dangerous. During a lightning storm no one should ever by any means do the following: bathe, shower, handle any appliance or device that plugs into the grid, wash dishes or use a corded phone. Doing any of those is just as dangerous and sometomes more dangerous as being outside during a lightning storm and can result in serious injury or death. Remember if you can hear thunder you can be struck by lightning. If you are outdoors during a lightning storm, please do your best to get inside a grounded structure or fully closed vehicle until the storm has passed. If possible, please unplug any valuable electronics from their respective outlets, shut off your central air conditioner completely and disconnect all televisions and radios from their outdoor antennas as well as their power source. There is a lightning storm going on as I post this and I am posting from an Android smartphone, not my computer. I also unplugged every valuable device of mine except for my two weather radios and refrigerator…”

On July 6, 2018, I posted: “I bought and read my first copy of “The Times of Houma-Thibodaux” this morning and I am thoroughly impressed by the honest, heartfelt but balanced and straightforward reporting. I actually couldn’t put it down and read everything except for the sports section…Keep up the good work and know that your publication has just gained a reader!”

On July 5, 2018, I posted: “It was eleven years ago around this time that I first drank what would become my favorite soft drink, namely Wild Cherry Pepsi. I wasn’t allowed to finish it since I was shopping at Radio Shack and was drinking it out of a can. I had purchased it from a vending machine at the Wal Mart on MLK. Radio Shack had a policy of no food or drink inside their store, so I had to discard the can with maybe 1/4 of drink left in it. I was not happy about that either, even though at the time I was a Coke drinker. I don’t remember exactly when I got hooked on it, but now I seriously cannot go more than a few days without drinking a Wild Cherry Pepsi and have any comfort or ease…”

On July 3, 2018, I posted: “Late last month, for the first time ever, my mobile data was throttled to a speed appropriate only for dialing into Bulletin Board Systems or viewing VERY basic HTML web pages, which is approximately 14.4 KBPS. I felt like I was catapulted back into 1989-1990 or so, just I still had mobile data service (something unavailable to consumers in those days) and I, unfortunately, could not connect to the Temple of the Screaming Electron…Could throttled data speeds be set at 56 KBPS instead? Is that really too much to ask for? Well, a new payment cycle has begun and now I have 7 GB to use at 4G LTE speed. Hopefully, I’ll be wiser with my data usage this month…”

On July 2, 2018, I posted: “There’s a squall line approaching our area and my stupid self forgot my Weather Radio…”

On July 1, 2018, I posted:
“Well my television reception is still sub par, but at least WWL-TV is now coming in. Alexandra Cranford was reporting the weather and a downpour in the area, what all of my fellow Louisiana foamers would appreciate though, is that both Frellsen and Live Oak Manor were referenced in the path of that downpour. The only other time I’ve heard Frellsen mentioned was by the Kansas City Southern and Canadian National dispatchers on my scanner. CTC (Centralized Traffic Control, NOT Cut Throat City) Live Oak is in Waggaman along the BNSF and Union Pacific lines Frellsen is by Saint Rose and Almedia for those who didn’t know. Both are named points along their respective railroads…”

AND

“Television reception in the Houma area is downright pathetic. At this moment, I actually regret not subscribing to cable. By the way, those who know me well enough, know that I fervently do not believe in cable. However I can only catch one station and it is HTV. I moved my television and antenna to different parts of my living room, but still only catch HTV. Usually I can catch some New Orleans stations, but not tonight for whatever reason. I think I will subscribe to home Internet and WiFi so I can use my Roku Box if this poor television reception issue continues…”

AND

“This post may gross some of you out, but, I had sardine filets and olive oil on a French baguette for lunch…For whatever reason sardines disgust a lot of people, but I like their taste and health benefits. Furthermore, in The Bible, when Jesus Christ fed five thousand people, the two small fish were likely sardines and the five loaves were likely what we consider pistolettes or baguettes…”

On June 28, 2018, I posted: “For all the die cast toy vehicle collectors out there, Both Hot Wheels and Matchbox individual single pack vehicles are selling 3 for $2 at The Ruble, I mean The Dollar General. Also 2 Liter Pepsi products are selling 2 for $2.50 at the same retailer…Those are incredible deals, by the way..”

On June 26, 2018, I posted: “I think a brilliant idea just dawned on me: What if there was a roasted vegetable flavoring for Ramen Noodles? It could essentially use similar ingredients found in the Roasted Vegetable Ritz Crackers. That would be so durn good and I would buy it by the case if a such a thing was ever produced…”

On June 25, 2018, I posted:
“Speaking of the Swiss, I had thought of an idea last October, for Victorinox to make high precision, but rugged mechanical thermometers not only for the HVAC trade but also for the culinary and food service industry. I emailed the company about it but never got a response. Now I am also wondering, “What if there was a nutcracker implement on a Swiss Army Knife?””

AND

“I synchronized my Casio G-Shock with the Atomic clock a few days ago and already it is 2-3 seconds ahead. I’ve only had this watch for two years, so I am very disappointed that it is losing its accuracy. The band is also starting to break…So, I purchased two entry-level Swiss-made watches both of which, I was able to get at a huge discount. One arrived in the mail today and the other one will hopefully ship out today or tomorrow…”

On June 23, 2018, I posted: “For my Facebook friends that like to listen to current music and live in the Houma/Thibodaux area, KTIB plays almost exclusively current music with minimal commercials. The frequency is 640 on the AM dial but it also has an FM simulcast on 103.7, but the FM simulcast doesn’t reach far beyond Thibodaux…I’m listen to the AM broadcast as I am doing laundry and I am impressed that it is coming in mostly clear despite being in a concrete building with flourescent lights, washers, dryers and a high powered window air conditioner. The radio I am using is my Sony ICF-P26 and I just wish the FM tuner didn’t suffer so much bleeding…”

On June 22, 2018, I posted:
“I used to listen to NPR while doing laundry, usually, it was in the afternoon and the program on was “All Things Considered.” It was on an entry level Sylvania Boombox that was sold at The Ruble, I mean the Dollar General. I have terrible FM radio reception where I am currently staying, one station bleeds all over the dial and most other stations come in distorted, especially on my Sony ICF-P26. The only FM radios that work well in my immediate area are the ones installed in cars. I’m sure radio reception is even worse in the laundromat itself…NPR made doing the laundry more enjoyable, even though they tend to be quite biased, though not as biased as the rest of the media…Okay, If I continue, my post will become politically charged and I try to avoid that…”

AND

“Whenever I have to leave my residence, I always keep my keys on a neck lanyard. I’ve done this since 2014 when I had a pair of pants with belt loops that were too wide to fit my carabiner on. However, every time I go shopping, there’s always a fellow customer that sees the keys around my neck and thinks I work at the store which I am shopping. I can set my watch to it happening…Does this happen to anyone else who frequently uses a neck lanyard?”

On June 18, 2018, I posted: “With a jubilant heart, I give the highest praises to God my Father and Savior for taking care of me every step of the way, in Jesus Precious Name, Amen! Thank you to everyone who prayed for me!”

On June 14, 2018, I posted: “Once again, God has come through for me. Praise Him in Jesus’ Holy Name!”

On June 11, 2018, I posted: “I drove all the way to Beaumount Texas and back but did not see a single train…I went out for a drive to clear my head and meditated on various things while driving…”

On June 9, 2018, I posted: “While eating out tonight, I saw a young man who very much resembled Edward Cullen from The Twilight Saga…Somehow though the young lady with him did not look like Bella Swan at all…I do have one story that I am working on where my two main characters were inspired by Bella and Edward, but only in my subconscious mind and I don’t think anyone else would get it. Their names are Logan Baines and Mila Gunther…I’ve been writing it on and off since 2012…”

On June 6, 2018, I posted: “I’ll try to use my CB today, because it’s [the dark of the moon on the] sixth of June…”

On June 4, 2018, I posted: “Earlier this evening I heard something recited that I haven’t heard since 1991, back when I was only four years old, “I pledge to the Bible God’s Holy word, and will take it as a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path, and hide its words in my heart that I may not sin against God.” Hearing that beautiful pledge did indeed bring on some flashbacks, from my razor sharp memory…”

On May 29, 2018, I posted: “I wanted to post this sooner, like over a week ago, but I plum forgot. I’ll post it now: The architectural style of Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport, definitely reminded me of the Schwegmann’s on Airline Highway in Metairie (Metry), Louisiana and possibly other Schwegmann’s stores…”

On the evening of May 28, 2018, I posted: “I fueled up my car at The Jubilee near Centerville, Louisiana yesterday evening. I miss the Jubilee in Schriever, Louisiana and there is actually a short story I wrote, initially, when I was sixteen, then rewrote it when I was twenty-nine, that very partially and briefly takes place at the Schriever Jubilee. Of course, the story takes place in late 2002, when that Jubilee store was still in operation. I even told the cashier all this last night and was surprised that she actually knew where Schriever was located…I’m highly tempted to post the link to that story, it’s just the characters’ names don’t sound very Louisiana at all…”

In the early morning hours of May 28, 2018, I posted: “If there is anything good about abusive people, it is this and probably only this: They sure are excellent inspirations to draw from for creating villainous and/or evil characters when writing fiction.”

In the early morning hours of May 24, 2018, I posted: “I tried to force myself to stop being attracted to plus-sized women, believe it or not. That was the worst few hours of my life…”

On May 23, 2018, I posted:

“I always laugh when driving or riding in or around Lafayette, Louisiana, so I think the said city has an appropriate name…”
…AND…
“Last Sunday evening/Monday morning when driving back from New Orleans International Airport, I said how my dad took off [of work] for the day, my friend told me how he took off [of work] as well. Then, I decided to be a little corny and say “airplanes take off all the time.” I wish I was more frequently in the mood to crack those kinds of jokes because I always get lots of laughs when I do…”

In the early morning hours of May 22, 2018, I posted: “In December of 1997, and many other times throughout my childhood and even into my adult life, my mom gave me some calculators that her students had discarded, despite them still being fully functional. This particular one was made for or by an electronics company known as “Royal.” I cannot remember the model number to save my life. All I know is that it had a single line segmented LCD and performed many of the common scientific and trigonometric functions. It was probably made around the 1980s or very early 1990s. Anyway, the next morning I was standing on the side of my paternal grandparents’ house waiting to catch the school bus, with that calculator in my pocket. It was sunny but cold enough that morning and when I exhaled, it looked like steam was coming out of my mouth and nostrils. I liked to hang around that side of my grandparents’ house because that is where the electric meter, cable hookup and, telephone junction box all were located and I was always fascinated by stuff like that. Anyway, at that moment a plane was flying over, because that part of the neighborhood is under a flight route. I was thinking how it would have been cool if I was on that plane using that calculator to aid the pilot in figuring out certain variables pertaining to navigation and fuel consumption of that aircraft. Unfortunately, that calculator fell apart sometime later. I was never able to find one like it…There was a time, mostly in my childhood and then in my teens, when I was obsessed with calculators and other handheld devices even more than flashlights, believe it or not…”

On May 21, 2018, I posted: “It really irks my butt that the Midland Weather Center app is no longer available. That was my favorite weather app and I first discovered it back in June of 2015 when I purchased a pocket sized Midland Weather Radio. I had purchased my first Android phone a month prior to that in May of 2015…”

On May 21, 2018, at 1:58 AM, I posted: “This past Thursday, I flew on a plane for the first time, it took me thirty-one years, but I finally did it. It was cool, I guess, but I can say with total confidence that I much prefer to travel by train. It’s not just because I am obsessed with trains either. I’ll be writing more about this on my blog in the upcoming days…”

On May 21, 2018, at 1:26 AM, I posted: “I was in Ohio for the past few days, but I am now back home. I want to thank those who prayed for my safe travels and God my Savior for answering those prayers.”

On May 18, 2018, I posted: “My eyes have had a durn difficult time focusing tonight…Time to break out the glasses…”

On May 17, 2018, I posted: “For edc backpacks I would choose Wenger Swiss Gear over Jan Sport any day of the week. Jan Sport, though rugged enough, has a design flaw where the bag’s fabric gets caught in the zipper system. It is a nightmare to fix this issue when it happens. I’ve been trying a Jan Sport for the past day and I miss my Swiss Gear backpack…”

On May 10, 2018, I posted: “My sources are telling me that this upcoming hurricane season will be quite active. A younger me would welcome this news with excitement because hurricanes mean power outages and power outages mean to break out the flashlights. Also, a very much younger me was in school and I didn’t like school much, so I looked at hurricanes as a vacation…However, my current thirty-something self shudders at the news that we might have an active hurricane season and I know Louisiana is due for one…”

On May 7, 2018, at 10:02 PM, I posted: “I’m grateful that the current is back on. When I was a child, a teenager and even into my younger adult life, I would literally pray for power outages. Why? Because it meant that it was time to use flashlights. Almost everyone who knows me well enough knows of my life-long infatuation with flashlights. However, in more recent years, I’ve come to see power failures as totally inconvenient, extremely bothersome and downright deadly for certain people with special needs…”

On May 7, 2018, at 5:36 PM, I posted: “I want to publically apologize for the insensitive post I made about SLECA a little over an hour ago. The reason why the said company’s customers are experiencing a power outage was due to an act of theft and vandalism. However, years ago when I was a SLECA customer, a power failure was almost a monthly occurrence. I am yet again a SLECA customer and my post was a reaction to what I assumed was one of their frequent infrastructure failures and I am sorry for assuming and being insensitive…At least SLECA feeds their customers a very delicious dinner of white beans and catfish and does other nice things for their customers that not many power companies around here do.”

Prior to that, On May 7, 2018, at 4:20 PM, I posted: “Let’s hear it for SLECA: electrical power that is affordable, yet intermittent at times!”

On May 6, 2018, I posted: “My favorite Christian hymn used to be “Victory in Jesus” which was penned by Eugene Monroe Bartlett in 1939. Now it is “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” which was penned by Robert Robinson in 1757…I wish more churches would use hymns like these during their services…”

In the early morning hours of May 5, 2018, I posted: “Today makes thirteen years that I have been carrying a flashlight on my person or at least having one very near me at all times…A part of me says, “I cannot believe it has been that long already.” Another part of me says, “It should have been much longer.” I can count on one hand and spare one finger the times since May 5, 2005, that I didn’t have a flashlight on me or near me…”

In the last few minutes of May 4, 2018, I posted: “I have OCD among other diagnoses and I will say that when working with HTML while writing on my blog, it comes very much in handy…If I was actually competent in Algebra, which I definitely am not, I might have gone to school for computer programming. I still sometimes EDC a TI-36 X Pro Engineering Calculator, though, which I’ve had since June of 2014…”

On May 3, 2018, I posted: “I installed an Amber lens on one of my Mini Maglites. I did this for two reasons: One, I think it looks very cool and, Two, it reminds of the fog lights I used to love to play with on my Paw Paw’s 1972 Dodge Truck…Besides navigating through fog, exactly what purposes do Amber colored lights serve?”

On April 26, 2018, I posted: “East Houma definitely reminds me of New Orleans East on both the conscious and subconscious levels…”

On April 25, 2018, I posted:

“Back in January my proverbial train was derailed on the mainline of humanity. By the end of January, it was rerailed but parked on the siding. However, as of today, I learned from the dispatcher that my train will soon have permission to leave the siding and the signal was given, not to continue on the same main track but to take a diverging route. The switch will be lined in a few days. I would like to thank all of those who helped re-rail my train and tend to it while parked on the siding, I will never forget any of you and I hope I can reciprocate the favors some day. I’ll also remember those who either refused to help or tried to aggravate the situation but I’ll try to find it in my heart to forgive them…”

“I just got weighed in at my doctor’s appointment and I am still experiencing unexplained weight loss…I’m definitely not complaining, but I would like to know the cause…”

On April 24, 2018, I posted: “I’ve been advised by a friend not to refer to the less desirable Dollar General Stores as “The Ruble General” anymore.
Instead, I should call them “The Bolivar General.” The Bolivar is the currency of Venezuela, which is a communist country, but shopping there even for just basic needs items is far worse than what shopping in the former Soviet Bloc was…”

On April 20, 2018, I posted:

“About my previous post: I’m just realizing that today is April 20 and my last post said how the Gerber Dime’s price should be $10 instead of $21, because of the name. Yes, I’ll admit that I thought of this because a bag containing $10 worth of marijuana is known on the streets as a “dime bag.” I was only trying to be funny, but also I’m all for cool gadgets being more affordable. However, I want to make it clear that I do NOT smoke the said herb nor do I use any other recreational drugs. I am too chicken to try the harder stuff, but I’ve been exposed to marijuana smoke second hand a few times in the past, and I do not like the effect it has on me at all. Second-hand weed smoke makes me paranoid, irritable and depressed, so I avoid it at all costs. I don’t even want to know how miserable it would make me if I actually were to take a full hit…I see where it indeed does well for some people, especially those who cannot tolerate the side effects of medications or cannot afford certain medications in general, but please, all you weed smokers out there if you can help it, be kind enough not to light up in my presence. I’ll also say that I could possibly tolerate weed being legalized nationwide, with the provision that weed-free zones be established, such as any place where I would reside would be a weed-free zone so I and anyone else like me won’t have to suffer the effects of it…”

“I’m still quite upset that I misplaced my favorite Leatherman pocket tool, my Style PS, but I recently replaced it with a Gerber Dime. I’ll admit that it’s a neat little instrument, but the name and price are misleading. Since it is known as the “Dime”, I think the MSRP should be $10 instead of $21. However, I paid a little less than that for mine, thanks to eBay…The MSRP of the [supposedly] TSA compliant model of the Gerber Dime is a little more at $25.”

Later that evening on April 16, 2018, I posted:

“Speaking of CB, when I was in my early twenties, my handle was “Macgyver”, for two reasons: My coworkers called me that because I always had tools and gadgets in my pocket and also because of the way I rigged up the wiring for the CB set in my car. I think from here on out, I will choose the handle “Mister Flashlight” because of my lifelong obsession with flashlights. I’m usually on Channel 19 or 20 when driving, but I refuse to get on the free band channels (not that I have free band equipment to begin with.)”

“There was a CB radio I had as a teenager. It was a Maxon MCB30. I recently scored another one off of eBay and installed it in my car. It’s probably the most basic CB set ever made, (no SWR or signal meters or any other fancy controls, just volume, squelch and a channel changer) but it is very rugged and compact. It also has sentimental value to me, as I bought my first one like that around the time I started writing (April 2003.) Speaking of writing, I drove to Metairie earlier today to try it out and made contact with a few truck drivers along the way, all of whom I talked to said I was coming in loud and clear. Thank God, there is no whining in my audio, which was a problem the last time I had a CB in my car. Unfortunately, I wasn’t really inspired to write anything during this trip.”

In the early morning hours of April 16, 2018, I posted, “Highway 57 in the lower portions of Terrebonne Parish most certainly has the curves of a beautiful woman!”

On April 15, 2018, I posted, “If you have a bay window with a seat, consider using it to cuddle with bae and watch the sun rise or set (depending on its location in your house.)”

On April 14, 2018, I posted, “So I am wondering if any Special Forces units of the NATO member countries ever carried Mini Maglites. This includes but not limited to the US Navy Seals, US Green Berets, British Special Air Service, French Red Berets, etc. The time period mostly in question is for missions that took place during the mid to late 1980s throughout the 1990s. Asking for myself…”

On April 13, 2018, I posted, “I misplaced my durn glasses last night and earlier today I misplaced my favorite Leatherman Tool…”

On April 10, 2018, I posted, “I have to admit, the Streamlight Junior flashlight is a force to be reckoned with and I have been a die-hard fan of its main rival, the Mini Maglite since December 19, 2005. I just wish the Streamlight Junior was made here in The States like the Mini Maglite is…”

On April 9, 2018, I posted, “I bought a Dorcy 6 Volt Lantern at the Ruble…I mean the Dollar General back in Late January of this year. I’ve only used it very intermittently since then, yet the battery is already quite weak. Either it came bundled with an older battery or it was used and I didn’t know, but I’ve had Cabon Zinc Chloride batteries last much longer than this with only intermittent use. I guess I’ll go to the Family Dollar in a couple of days for some more Carbon Zinc Chloride 908 Lantern Batteries since theirs are cheaper than the Dollar General or really any other store…”

On April 5, 2018, I posted, “Since tactical flashlights have been in existence for fifty years now, I think all of the flashlight companies that produce tactical models should each produce a replica of the original 1968 Kel Lite…The Kel Lite was the original heavy duty Aircraft Aluminum bodied flashlight that was geared towards Law Enforcement, Security and Emergency Personnel, invented by Los Angeles County Sherriff’s Deputy Donald Keller…I think I will write an article on my blog about this shortly (within the next few days), so stand by…”

On April 1, 2018, I posted, “…Some of the female train dispatchers (especially those on Union Pacific and Kansas City Southern) have very sexy voices…”

On March 31, 2018, I posted, “I wish this calculator was available here in The States for all my fellow Millenials that work in retail jobs…I would have loved to have one of these when I was a dairy clerk and I could have saved a plethora of ink and paper if I had one…” NOTE: The calculator in question was the Casio MP-12R/

On March 29, 2018, I posted, “I definitely need a haircut soon, but I am increasingly grateful that I am 31 years old and still have a full head of thick, albeit curly, hair. My maternal grandpa died at age 42 (29 years before I was born) but he had a full head of hair at that age or so I was told…”

On March 26, 2018, I posted, “So I went out for a drive tonight to clear my head…First I went down to Galliano, then I took Highway 1 and all the way to Port Allen and crossed the Old Bridge into Baton Rouge, got lost for a bit in downtown Baton Rouge, but then that infamous human GPS chip that I swear is planted in my brain kicked in and I got on Florida Boulevard, then Airline Highway which I took all the way to I-310. This was without the assistance of any map or GPS equipment too. I took 310 all the way to US 90 then stopped for gasoline and beer at the Race Trac in Paradis. The cashier carded me, so I showed my DL and asked her how old did I actually look. She told me that I looked 25, which I took as a huge compliment. I then told her that when I was in my late twenties, I was frequently mistook for a high schooler. Afterwards, I told her how she reminded me of a character in one of my stories, who was indeed a cashier at a truck stop. This wasn’t the first time a cashier at that said store reminded me of the truck stop cashier in my “Grocer and Writer” stories either. The highlight of the trip was that I saw a few trains on the UP Livonia Sub and one on the KCS New Orleans Sub. I’m back home now, Thank God for a safe and trouble free trip…”

On March 25, 2018, I posted, “When I see a train, lots of Dopamine is released throughout my body…It was like this for me as a younger child and also from age seventeen to present…”

On March 23, 2018, I posted, “There is yet another grocery related story series I am tempted to write. It came to me way back in September 2006 while driving on Canal Boulevard in Thibodaux, Louisiana. This one won’t be modern, rather it will take place in 2006, if I indeed decide to write it…”

Earlier on March 23, 2018, I posted, “I would dare to say that the Great Value (Wal Mart) Strawberry Soda tastes equally as good as the Chek (Winn Dixie) Strawberry Soda. However, Chek Creme Soda is far superior to Great Value as well as Best Choice (Associated Wholesale Grocers) and slightly better than Shur Fine (Associated Wholesalers Inc.) Creme Soda…”

On March 21, 2018, I posted, “There are some connections between my “Grocer and Writer” stories and the television show, “Big Bang Theory.” 1: Sheldon Cooper’s mother on “Big Bang Theory” and “Young Sheldon” is a lot like the mother of the main character in my “Grocer and Writer” stories. I didn’t watch either said show when I initially created that character back in November of 2015. It gets even deeper than that 2: Dr. Sheldon Cooper is obviously on the Autism Spectrum and so is my main character, but in some ways he’s higher functioning in other ways he’s much lower functioning. 3: I worked with a young lady at a grocer who was very similar in appearance and mannerisms to Sheldon’s girlfriend Dr. Amy Farah Fowler back in 2011 (about three years before beginning these stories.)”

On March 20, 2018, I posted, “I either heard or read somewhere that the new television broadcasting standard ATSC 3.0 will have the capability of automatically turning the television on to give severe weather information to viewers in the warned area. This could very well make weather radios obsolete. The only way weather radios would still have a purpose is if an ATSC signal cannot be received while mobile in motion, like currently with ATSC 2.0 and one wanted to get free weather information while on the go…”

A few hours later, on March 19, 2018, I posted, “So, for a while now, I’ve wondered if the 99 Knights of the Air wore Casio G-Shock Wristwatches while flying their super high tech jet fighters? Maybe if they were flying for NATO, but the said watch came out maybe just one year before…Or were they flying for the GDR? I’m also curious if they carried those small tactical flashlights with the red lenses…For those who didn’t get it, I was referencing the song “99 Red Baloons” by German Punk Rock artist, Nina. That and “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins are my two favorite songs from the 1980’s…”

At Midnight 01, on March 19, 2018, I posted, “When I was a Catholic and there was threatening weather in my area, I would take a knife and hold it up to the sky and make a cutting motion in the shape of a cross. However, I would only use a knife that was made in Italy or Ireland, because The Irish are the most devout Catholics and the Roman Catholic Church is headquartered in Italy. Now when there is threatening weather in my area, I simply monitor the Weather Radio broadcast and if it gets really bad, I pray directly to God in Jesus’ Name then forward the severe weather information on social media…”

In the early morning hours of March 17, 2018, I posted “Not to blow my own horn, but some of the works of fiction I have written over the years came to pass in some way, shape or form. I just saw this year’s list of hurricane names, which made me think of this post: What would freak me out is if there is ever a hurricane named Alidore, it makes a direct hit to the suburbs immediately west of New Orleans, is a strong Category 1 or weak Category 2 and it forms in the month of May, which would technically be pre season…Such an occurence happened in my “Disabled Electrician Turned Writer” stories, which I began in February of 2017 as a less controversial replacement to my “Grocer and Writer” stories…”

On March 14, 2018, I posted: “Rest in Peace Doctor Stephen Hawking. You were a brilliant person. I find it ironic that you died on Pi Day…”

On March 3, 2018, I posted: “As of late last night, I am no longer an AT&T customer. I am on Verizon now. This comes after years of dealing with snail paced data speeds (even when subscribing to 4G LTE service) and constantly having dropped or unintelligible calls in areas which I am frequently located…I was loyal to AT&T all those years for a silly reason anyway and that was their network is GSM and the railroads in Europe as well as some of Asia use a form of GSM for their communications networks. Yes, I am that much of a foamer! I wouldn’t want the railroads here in The States to use GSM though, because there is no [legal] scanner that can listen to them…EDIT: My number is still the same, I was able to have it ported without too much trouble.”

On March 1, 2018, I posted: “Ever since the Highway 308 bridge near the junction with Highway 182 in Raceland has been out of service the traffic on Highway 1 has been congested like Dick Cheney’s arteries, or, more recently Hillary Clinton’s lungs…”

On February 25, 2018, I posted: “There’s a small town in Louisiana called “Chackbay.” I’ve only been there a few times so I’m not sure if it would be a romantic place to shack up with bae or not…”

On February 23, 2018, I posted: “Here’s a post about cats: A woman that goes after or accepts significantly younger men is known as a “cougar.” A woman that goes after or accepts slightly younger men is known as a “puma.” I think a woman that goes after or accepts older men should from now on be referred to as a “tabby.””

On February 21, 2018, I posted: “Televangelist Billy Graham has died. I know he must have received a huge crown in Heaven which he will cast at Jesus’ feet. Because of his mass presentation of The Gospel of Jesus Christ, many family members of mine got saved, when they otherwise probably wouldn’t have…Enjoy your Heavenly reward Reverend Billy Graham, I’m sure it’s a great one!”

On February 4, 2018, I posted: “Happy Heavenly Birthday to my Maternal Grandma, June Aucoin Gauslin! She would have made 100 years old today if she was still with us…”

On January 31, 2018, I posted: “I’d rather be kicked in my testes with the truth than kissed on my lips with a lie…”

On January 26, 2018, I posted: “As for children eating things they should never eat, ie laundry detergent pods, I remember when I was a very young child and my parents would take me to make groceries with them at The Raceland Supermarket, there was a display pail of toilet bowl fresheners with different colors for different scents. I thought it was some form of candy, but the reason I didn’t put it in my mouth is because it wasn’t paid for and one or both of my parents told me it was poisonous chemicals, which made me never want to touch it again…”

On January 20, 2018, I posted: “…I’m tired of living my life like an LED flashlight in an electromagnetic pulse attack, never finding a decent Faraday Cage when the bombs are going off…”

On January 17, 2018, I posted: “I only WISH the Weather Radio stations in this area would activate the alarms for Freeze Warnings and Hard Freeze Warnings. I didn’t know we were under a Hard Freeze Warning until I woke up this morning and I only saw it because I checked the Midland Weather app on my phone, which didn’t alert me either…People in Louisiana are NOT prepared for this kind of weather, so we need to be alerted as much as possible.”

On January 16, 2018, I posted: “I am convinced that the pen is mightier than the sword and I do not carry the pen in vain.”

On January 13, 2018, I posted: “The two main characters/lovers in my “Grocer and Writer” stories finally have names, albeit almost four years later. I’ve decided to call them “Garth Cooper” and “Samantha Abbott.” My subconscious mind had a lot to do with those name choices. Now they won’t be named in the actual “Grocer and Writer” stories themselves (at least for now), but they are referenced and named in another story that I am currently working on…”

On January 11, 2018, I posted: “The “new” voice on the NOAA Weather Radio that was implemented in 2016, reminds me of Governor Bel-Edwards’ voice and always has…If you have access to a Weather Radio, turn it on and listen. See if you think so as well…”

On January 8, 2018, I posted: “I just made 31 and what do you know, I still have acne. Granted it’s nowhere near as bad as when I was teen. Aside from the slight pain of one of the pimples on my face swelling, I’m not complaining, because I look at acne as a sign of youth…”

On January 4, 2018, I posted: “Okay, Hormel, I have a suggestion for your canned chili department: Can you please make a variety that is both “chunky” and “hot”? Those are my two favorites but I always have a hard time deciding which one to buy. Make in both styles of “with beans” and “no beans.””

On December 31, 2017, I posted: “I think my New Year’s Resolution will be to stop using foul language. If I can refrain from cussing while in the presence of ladies or at church, like I currently do, I can make an effort to stop using it altogether. Pray for me y’all!”

On December 30, 2017, I posted: “So, I’m thirty and about to be thirty-one in a few short days and finally, today was the first time I ever drove a car across a state line. What is really cool about that though, is today is also the fourteen year anniversary of me getting my driver’s licence. I’m back home now and I thank God my Savior for a safe and trouble free trip…”

On December 29, 2017, I posted: “Has anyone ever used their pet’s name as the SSID on their WiFi router?”

On December 21, 2017, I posted: “Certain soft drinks have a positive effect on my writing. I’ll go as far to say, that they might even be able to cure my writer’s block when I am suffering from it. I discovered this a few days ago, when I sat down at my computer with a mug of ice cold Wild Cherry Pepsi. The inspirations came rushing in and got more and more powerful with each sip I took. Is this said drink addictive? To me at least, hell yes it’s addictive. But it isn’t as harmful alcohol or street drugs, well aside from the potential for weight gain. If their were any stores open right now, I’d walk there and definitely buy a couple two liter bottles…”

On December 17, 2017, I posted: “Gaslighting is great when lighting your range for cooking or lighting the fireplace to cuddle with bae…Gaslighting someone, especially a mental patient, to forward a selfish agenda is a terrible thing to do…”

In the early morning hours of December 14, 2017, I posted: “Bay leaves are a very good thing when making red beans and rice…However it is not a good thing when bae leaves [you] unless your relationship with bae was an abusive or unfaithful one…”

On December 12, 2017, I posted: “In the Summer of 1992, I was five and a half years old and saw that two of my older cousins each had a globe in their rooms. Me being fascinated with maps even back then wanted one too. So I asked my mom to buy me one but she refused and her reason was that “too many countries are changing right now.” My mom is never keen on world politics, but that statement she made was dead on with the Soviet Union recently dissolving, The Bosnian conflict beginning, instability in Africa, the drug war in Latin America and tension in the Middle East…Twenty Five years later some of these issues are still present and the ones that did resolve themselves were replaced with new crises. Okay I have to stop now because I promised myself and all my Facebook friends that I would refrain fro posting politically charged material…”

On November 22, 2017, I posted: “I have a burning question and I know asking it will probably ruffle some feathers but I am wondering what would have happened if Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on Archie Bunker’s door?”

On November 19, 2017, I posted: “I wish egg nog was available year round, but then my weight problem would be even worse. Even though I am madly attracted to plus sized women and have been for the better half of my life, I myself don’t like being overweight, so I guess that makes me a perfect hypocrite…”

On November 10, 2017, I posted: “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The best episodes of “The Simpsons” were the ones that were originally aired when The Southern Pacific was still in existence…”

On November 7, 2017, I posted: “I remember twice in elementary school at Saint Mary’s (which is surrounded by sugarcane fields) the sugarcane farmers were burning the fields. The heat from the fires caused a very weak tornado (like a steam devil or a fire devil) to form. Both of these occurred on sunny “good weather days.” The first time was in 1995 during my second grade year. Myself and a couple of friends were freaked out and went hide in the bathroom…The second time it happened, I was in sixth or seventh grade (between 1999 and 2001) and I ran off the school campus and into the cane fields so I could witness the tornado like funnel cloud up close, but then got chewed out by the principal (God rest his soul.) Another time during my Freshman year of high school at Vandebilt (2002-2003), I was eating lunch and shooting the breeze with the groundskeeper when, suddenly, a dust devil cut across the campus. This too was on a sunny, “good weather day.” I ran directly into the funnel cloud which the force of the wind, while very weak compared to a true tornado, pulled my shirt out of my pants and covered me in dust. Minutes later I got chewed out by a female coach for having my shirt un-tucked. I tried explaining that I just walked through a tornado, but got chewed out even more…The two other times I experienced, but didn’t actually witness the tornado itself (and these were real tornadoes) was in the summer of 1990 at age three and April 2015 at age twenty eight, both of which I vividly remember…With that being said, does anyone know if the 1996 movie “Twister” is available on Netflix? I’m in the mood to watch it…”

On October 31, 2017, I posted: “I’m not as interested in The Simpsons as I was earlier in my life, but I definitely remember Patty and Selma Bouvier (Marge’s older sisters) being obsessed with MacGyver in the late 1980s and early 1990s. However that was when he was played by Richard Dean Anderson. I wonder if they would be as obsessed with the current MacGyver played by Lucas Till. That might be somewhat creepy if they were…It was actually from me watching re runs of The Simpsons that I initially heard of MacGyver. AND It was also on The Simpsons that I first learned of a certain item known as a “Swiss Army Knife.” Those in my immediate family completely understand the impact The Simpsons has had on my life, sadly the said show isn’t entertaining anymore and many times it is depressing to me…”

On October 27, 2017, I posted: “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When my hair is long and curly, I look like a chipmunk…When my hair is short, I look like a sheared ram. However I do indeed need a haircut…”

On October 24, 2017, I posted: “So I just had another idea for a certain company to make a certain product: What if Victorinox Swiss Army began making high precision bi-metal thermometers for use in not only the culinary/grocery but also the HVAC and Refrigeration fields? I would definitely buy one and keep it with my edc gear for sure! I’m going to attempt to email the said company, but anyone who may agree with me should also email them…”

On October 23, 2017, I posted:  “What if Polly Pocket and Might Max are now married with several kids and live in a compact house that can fold? Not all of you will understand this joke, but my fellow older Millennials should as well as some of the younger Gen-Xers should get it…”

On October 21, 2017, I posted:  “Oh, my I had two bizarre dreams last night…The first one was where the government was looking for me because I was illegally talking on railroad frequencies. I wouldn’t do this unless it was to report a life threatening emergency that pertained to railroads.The second one was even more bizarre as I dreamed that I along with several high school classmates were using acid (as in the recreational drug that hippies use.) That is something I know I would never do because, yes I’ll admit it, I’m to chicken to use any illegal drugs and I’ll only prescription drugs under the care of a competent physician…”

On October 20, 2017, I posted:  “On yesterday’s episode of Y&R there was a scene that briefly showed Victor Newman’s wristwatch. I could be very wrong (and someone correct me if I am), but to me the watch appeared to be a Victorinox Alliance Chronograph 44 Millimeter or a Victorinox Airboss Mach 9…That would be hilarious to me if Victor Newman does indeed wear a watch with a name similar to his…And of course there is indeed another CBS show that definitely features Victorinox products, none other than MacGyver of course…Think of all the free positive publicity the said company gets.”

Later that evening, on October 19, 2017, I posted again:  “It’s just a fact of life: In order to fully function in modern society [at least as a Millenial], one needs a smartphone (preferably Android or Apple, but Microsoft is okay too, I guess.) AND One needs to carry his/her credit and debit cards in an RFID shielded wallet…I cannot stress this enough. I’ll admit that I didn’t own a smartphone (except for a Blackberry, albeit briefly) until I was 28 and I’m now almost 31 now, but ever since I’ve used credit and debit cards with those durn chips, I’ve always carried them in RFID shielded wallets…”

On October 19, 2017, I posted:  “Yesterday I was driving around eating and tending to things. The song “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran came on the car radio. A few lines in that song always reminded me of a scene in my “Grocer and Writer” stories. It didn’t inspire the scene because I wrote that scene before I heard the actual song. The scene involved my couple kissing under the glow of a streetlamp. Anyway, while that song was playing I was passing in front of a place of business that heavily inspired me to write the said series. Every now and then, strange but amusing coincidences like this happen to me…”

On October 12, 2017, I posted:  “What I’ve wanted to know for a long time is “Why doesn’t the Weather Band come standard on car radios, like in addition to the AM and FM broadcast bands?” I know back in the day, Radio Shack sold Weather Radios that could be installed in cars, but hardly anyone was probably aware of them…”

On October 3, 2017, I posted:  “Veteran actor Hans-Jörg Gudegast AKA Eric Braeden (plays Victor Newman on Y&R) looks very much like a younger version of the late CBS News journalist Walter Cronkite.”

On September 20, 2017, I posted:  “What if Midland Electronics could make a VHF airband radio receiver that was similar in form factor to their pocket sized Weather Radio, the HH50B? That would be so cool! All aviators and aviation buffs, please Google that model and you’ll see what I am talking about. If I was any good at drawing and autocad (which I am not) I would so be a radio and flashlight designer…”

On September 12, 2017, I posted:  “So earlier this evening I was driving and listening to the FM radio. The song “Little Red Corvette” by Prince came on. Suddenly a little red Corvette passed me up and then sped off into the night. I thought to myself and wish I could have told the driver, “Baby, you’ve got to slow down. Those signs with the number “90” are the highway’s route number and not the speed limit…”

And:  “The Meghan Trainor song “All About That Bass” was released on June 30, 2014. That’s the same day I began my “Grocer and Writer” stories. What’s really amazing is: that song and those stories contain very similar themes; namely beautiful plus sized women…I didn’t hear that song and actually pay attention to it until six months later on December 31, 2014…”

And:  “To the mariner in the Lafourche area calling on Channel 16 for a radio check between 2:10 and 2:20 PM (14:10-14:20) on September 12, 2017: Your signal was coming in loud and clear in the Sugarland area of Raceland. My guess is that you were either on Lake Fields, The Barataria and Lafourche Company Canal or Bayou Lafourche. Hope my signal report was helpful. I didn’t hear anyone else answer you…”

And:  “I wish I had a dollar every time someone asked me if I was a fireman. I would be rich. Now granted, every time that happened, it’s because the person asking me saw the scanner in my pocket or elsewhere on my person. I usually explain that it’s mainly for listening to railroad and marine traffic but I have a few of fire dispatch channels programmed in there as well…”

On September 7, 2017, I posted:  “So the island of Barbuda is uninhabitable, thanks to Hurricane Irma. How did that place come to be to begin with? Did Barbados and Bermuda have a one night stand and then nine months later Bermuda gave birth to Barbuda? Sorry I couldn’t resist making that joke…

On September 5, 2017, I posted: “In my late teens, I would sometimes attend the evening services at a church in Schriever, Louisiana. Sometimes while waiting for services to begin I would stand outside. There was a small airport nearby (L83) which had a rotating light beacon that could be seen from the front of the church. This was especially true in winter months when it got dark earlier. Now even though I was going to church, I would see that light beacon and think of the soap opera “Guiding Light.” Well, in all fairness, Guiding Light started out as a Christian soap opera though…”

On August, 17, 2017, I posted: “Picture this: A preschool teacher is having circle time with her students and starts singing Barney songs. She leads the class with, “If all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops; what kind of rain would that be? Standing outside with our mouths open wide ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!” Then a little boy or girl decides to take the lead and recites, “If all the rain drops were Klonopin and Xanax; what kind of rain would that be? Standing outside with our mouths open wide ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!” The teacher would probably be livid and probably very concerned. She would most likely end up writing a serious email to the child’s parents and/or possibly contacting the authorities.” I thought of this about five years prior to actually posting it. There is something I find extremely funny about a child saying something naughty (usually that he/she picks up from the parents) and not realizing it’s naughty. While I don’t abuse drugs (be it recreational or prescription), I could picture a future child of mine overhearing me cracking a joke like that, then going to school and saying it…

On August 7, 2017, I posted: “The latest J. G. Wentworth commercial is so 2001…”-This is the one with the boy band and autotune feature, which both were popular in 2001.

On August 5, 2017, I posted: “While I’ve stated that shopping at The Ruble…I mean…The Dollar General in Raceland is what shopping in the Soviet Bloc must have been like, it is completely different at the Lockport Dollar General. Shopping there is like shopping in any decent, modernized western country. I went there today to get some oil for my car, but also saw that the said store had some genuine die cast Matchbox Cars on display for $1 each. So I purchased four of them. By the way, Matchbox Cars, if kept in mint condition, appreciate with time. I don’t think I’ve seen Matchbox products ever sold at The Dollar General or The Family Dollar before, but those two stores have sold generic brand die cast cars…”

On August 3, 2017, I posted: “There’s a company that makes quality plastic flashlights known as “Bayco.” What if there was a company pronounced the same but changed the “y” to an “e.” The new company could make overnight bags and personal hygiene products for when one wants to sleep over at bae’s place…”

Later than day, On July 28, 2017, I posted: “On a lighter note: Does anyone else notice how National Public Radio correspondent Robert Siegel has a voice very similar to actor/television host Alan Alda?”-Self explanatory.

On July 28, 2017, I posted: “Warning, this post is borderline and marginally pollitically charged and I apologize for breaking my promise on not posting such material. However, I find that shopping at my local Dollar General on the corner of Highway 182 (Old Houma Road) and Highway 1, must be what shopping for groceries and supplies in the former Soviet Bloc countries was like. The said retailer was out of many items and many shelves were empty. Also, many times one has to wait in a long line to check out…I’ve read many articles and watched a few documentaries and learned the shopping experience in USSR, was like this but even worse…”

On July 7, 2017, I posted: “Here’s a double standard (and those of you who know me well know I detest double standards): It’s about men and women…Why is it that women get praised liking sports, which are mostly geared towards men, however men catch at worse harassment and at best a scrutinizing look for liking soap operas, which are mostly geared towards women? Currently, I don’t watch any soap operas but I have in the past and caught a lot of negative reactions when I was open and honest about watching them. Okay, rant over. What are your thoughts?”

On June 24, 2017, I posted: “The mountainous roads in East Tennessee are very curvy-like a beautiful woman!”-This could be a joke, I guess, but I really am attracted to plus sized women. I was trying to be funny, but at the same time tell the world about my perversion, if one could call it that.

On June 17, 2017, I posted: “Autocorrect is extremely annoying to me. This is because it many times chooses the wrong words. I know I’m pretty anal about using proper spelling and grammar in my texts and online posts but at this point autocorrect is doing more harm than good…”-While I was aggravated at the time of making the post, especially since my phone thought it had a better vocabulary than me, I do find it a little humorous looking in retrospect.

On June 4, 2017, I posted: “If Russian President Vladimir Putin attended grade school in The States or any other Englsih speaking territory, I’m sure there would have been a lot of giggling every time his name was mentioned…”-Okay, I’m a guy and that means I almost have the right to act immaturely sometimes. I can have a childlike silliness about me when I’m in certain moods, so take it or leave it. I just hope, you, the reader laughed, at least a little.

On April 1, 2017, I posted: “I don’t know where MBX County is located, but it must have a lot of revenue because the fire chief is issued a 2015 Corvette Stingray…”-This is a reference to my interest in collecting Matchbox Cars. Only one person got the joke, but only sort of. I think he thought I was being serious, so naturally he tried correcting me.

On March 11, 2017, I posted: “To all my friends and commuters in the Houma, LA area: When the traffic on Prospect Boulevard is congested, I suggest cursing the traffic using Old American Prospector words such as “dagnabbit”, “consarnit”, “conflabbit”, etc. I figure since it is named Prospect, curse the traffic like a prospector…”-I had woken up earlier that morning from a dream where I was talking like a prospector and that is what made me think to post this. There is much humor is cuss words and fake cuss words for whatever reason, even though my fellow Christians may disagree.

On February 25, 2017, I posted: “How can you cash a check outside anyway? Maybe you could deposit it at the ATM wait for it to clear and reflect in your balance and then withdraw the cash, but I find it easier to cash the check inside the bank and get the money quicker…”-This is me making light of the “Cash Me Outside” girl featured on Doctor Phil. I know I shouldn’t find humor in children that behave like that, but I wasn’t laughing with her, I was laughing at her.

On February 24, 2017, I posted: “Picture This: A middle school English teacher is teaching the class about singular nouns and verbs. One boy blurts out “Um I believe they are now called AT&T nouns and verbs and have been since about 2007.” Some classmates laugh others roll their eyes. The teacher ends up writing an email to the boy’s parents about his disruptive behavior…”-I actually made a similar joke like this when I was taking English classes all throughout high school. My parents were never called, but I did get a dirty look and a few cross words from the teacher. I can be quite corny at times, love it or hate it.

On January 11, 2017, I posted: “So I found out that Mag Instrument will not be making a special edition Mini Maglite for the Donald Trump presidential inauguration. I don’t know what to think about this, but I’m a little disappointed simply because a flashlight with a high collector’s value won’t be made…”

On January 3, 2017, I posted: “Not to get political or anything, but I wonder if Mag Instrument will make a special edition Mini Maglite for the Donald Trump inauguration. The said company only makes those flashlights when a Republican president is inaugurated and has been doing so since 1989 when the first Bush was sworn in. By the way one of those Mini Maglites from 1989 (A Thousand Points of Light) are now worth a lot of money…Now that I have said this please do not comment anything politically charged, as this post is strictly about highly collectible flashlights…”

On January 2, 2017, I posted: “Thank you to everyone who wished me Happy Birthday…Today I make 30. I’m told I don’t look it and I know I don’t always act it. What’s in a number anyway? Jen and I went out in Morgan City and had a decent time. I only heard one train while shopping at Tiger Island Hardware, where I got a nice 6 Volt Lantern for feeding Angel at night. However, I saw and heard quite a few boats while driving on the Old Highway 90. We ate at East Gate Barbecue which I highly recommend to everyone. We’re back home now and I thank God for giving us a safe trip…All of you please be safe if must travel today. My weather radio hasn’t gone off as of yet, but I heard a few thunderings.”

On December 27, 2016, I posted: “AT&T’s LTE data is exponentially faster in Bayou Blue as opposed to Raceland. Now why is that so?”

On December 10, 2016, I posted: “This week has been the week from hell. I’ve been sleep deprived, got shocked (electrical) while trying to fix a heater and I was unsuccessful in fixing it, battling a painful ear infection and having car trouble to boot…I just need to remember that God will never leave me nor forsake me and He has a reason for all of it…”

On December 5, 2016, I posted: “I know neither the current nor the former Macgyver wears a Casio G-Shock…BUT… Maybe he should since he is into hockey. You see it was that said sport that made the G-SHOCK famous when Casio did a commercial of hitting that watch as hard as possible with a hockey stick and the goalie caught it. The watch still worked perfectly even after withstanding that amount of abuse… Just my thoughts.”

On December 3, 2016, I posted: “Since there is a revival of Macgyver, and I enjoy it thoroughly, I personally think there needs to be a revival of The A-Team as well. I know I’m not the only one who thinks so either…”

On December 2, 2016, I posted: “New Orleans technically has a commuter/light rail service, namely the street car system. If any other Louisiana city should have commuter trains, I think it should be Lake Charles. Actually i think it would be a good idea to put a commuter system through out all of Calcasieu Parish…”

On December 1, 2016, I posted: “Macgyver’s Swiss Army Knife is definitely a Victorinox, no doubt about it. I recognize the logo any day and Wenger (the other Swiss Army Knife maker) was bought out by Victorinox in 2005 and discontinued in 2013. But, I think his wristwatch is also a Victorinox but I could be wrong. I don’t know what model and make of watch Jack Dalton wears, but a high end Casio G-Shock or a Luminox would probably be appropriate for him. Hopefully I’ll be able to watch the said show tomorrow night. Does anyone know where I can see the pilot episode?”

Earlier that Day, I posted: “Pepsi relaunched their Crystal soft drink earlier this year. It had a pretty decent taste, I guess. What would really be awesome is if the said drink company would bring back the Holiday Spice cola, this year and every Christmas season from now on…By the way, I wonder if the sugar used in Pepsi is still made right here in Raceland…”

On November 28, 2016, I posted: “Picture This:. A Kindergarten teacher has her class at attention and asks each student “What is your favorite activity for your free time?”. One student raises his hand and replies “Netflix and chill with bae!” The whole class laughs and the teacher is kind of ticked off but also wants to laugh as well. In the end she either sends a note or an email to the child’s parents…”-I guess that is how I would have acted if I were a child in these modern times, or if I had a son, that is probably how he would act. I think it’s cute, but I can see where some teachers would find it a little innappropriate. But there is much humor associated with innappropriate things.

On October 22, 2016, I posted: “So while Jen and I were shopping at Big Lot’s, we were paying with a credit card. I asked the cashier if we use “the chip or the strip” as I do any time I pay with a credit or debit card. Then I decided to be a little corny and asked “Do you prefer potato chips or chicken strips?”…I got a pretty good laugh…” Again, I can be very corny, love it or hate it. I still sometimes crack this joke when checking out at any brick and mortar retailer. Sometimes people laugh. Sometimes people roll their eyes…

On October 18, 2016, I posted: “So, when I was three years old, the song “Cherry Pie” by the band Warrant was released. I remember going around the yard singing it. My mom would get so mad at me and make me stop. I had no idea why until I actually listened to the said song in my late teens or early twenties…”-It was more of a personal reflection and sharing of a childhood memory, but still a little kid singing a dirty song and not realizing it’s dirty can be quite hilarious.

On October 14, 2016, I posted: “Okay I just thought of a nerdy and, at the same time, religious joke:
Q What programming language do the [graphing] calculators in Heaven use?
A Assembly of God…”-It was corny and nerdy, but what the hell, I thought it was funny. No one else did, but I don’t care.

On October 1, 2016, I posted: “Okay on a much lighter note I thought of something potentially amusing: What if the website eBay replaced the “y” in its name with an “e”? The pronunciation would still be the same, but instead of being an online commerce site, it would be an online dating site!”

On August 12, 2016, I posted: “In my opinion (yours may vary) the funniest thing to hear on a scanner would be an old train dispatcher giving instructions to a conductor or engineer and then sneezing really loud into the mouthpiece and everyone listening would hear…”

On July 26, 2016, I posted: “Why are the benches in any church called pews? My guess is because everybody’s behind touches them. But if that was the case, then any furniture that is to be sat on could be called a pew as well…What are your thoughts?”-I know as a Christian, I probably shouldn’t listen to him, but it was George Carlin, AKA Mister Conductor that inspired me to think of this post.

On July 10, 2016, I posted:
“Q: What does Highway 308 have in common with a beautiful woman?
A: Curves!”-The Highway 308 in question is Louisiana Highway 308, which runs along the East Bank of Bayou Lafourche from Donaldsonville to Golden Meadow. It is quite curvy in some areas. As usual I was trying to express my fondness for plus sized women, of course and be funny at the same time.

On June 30, 2016, I posted: “If Android ever releases a new operating system around Christmas Time (between Black Friday and January 6th) it should be named “Rice Pudding”. I know in the past I suggested “White Bean Hot Dog”, but now I think Android should stick to dessert names…”

On June 23, 2016, I posted: “So I commented this on a friend’s post about the inventor of Air Conditioning and I will also post it to my Timeline: Comparing an A/C system to the human body: The compressor is like a heart. The metal tubing is like a vascular system. The relays and wires are like a nervous system. The filter-dryer is like a liver. The thermostat is like a brain. The condeser and evaporator coils along with their fans are like a respritory system…And no joke there is even a piece in the system known as a “capilary” which is similar in function to capilaries in the human body…I’ve wanted to make that analogy for a LONG time. Remember though that since an air conditioning system functions like a human body, it must be taken care of as such, especially in the hot weather we’ve been experiencing…”

On June 19, 2016, I posted: “One time in a high school Psychology class we were learning about a boy who grew up in the wild. He was eventually named Victor. One of the girls in the class blurted out “Victor Newman.” I thought that was pretty freakin’ funny. I wonder if anyone else in the class understood that girl’s comment…”

On June 1, 2016, I posted: “From what I gather Louisiana and Alaska have plenty in common, except for the VAST temperature difference. I’ve lived in Louisiana all my life. Though I’ve never been to Alaska, I find that the said state has plenty in common with my state such as people’s spirits, the fishing industry, the oil/gas production, the hunting of dangerous/delicious animals. They are all similar in their own respective ways…To further my observation, notice that both states have towns named Anchorage and both of those towns are served by railroad!”

On January 5, 2016, I posted: “I wonder if Run Around Sue ever contemplated what her future husband would be like?”-This was NOT meant to be any sort of insult to the singer/songwriter Meghan Trainor. I greatly respect and revere her, not to mention I think she is very beautiful. I think she is the most beautiful person currently in the music business. The reason why I said this was because there is a part in the song “Dear Future Husband” which she sang and probably wrote that sounds quite similar to “Runaround Sue” by Dion. Both artists were/are known for their doo wop and blue eyed soul music.

On August 22, 2015, I posted: “I wonder: When Bubba shot the juke box and killed it, did Arthur Fonzarelli hit it with his hand and bring it back to life?”-This is a reference to a certain country song and a 1970s sitcom about the 1950s.

On January, 30, 2015, I posted: “So, heres an interesting question: Does the Eveready Cat ever try to hunt down the Energizer Bunny?”-Technically both Eveready and Energizer are the same company. However, I had a semi wild cat growing up and she would stalk anything that moved. I once saw her in hot pursuit of a rabbit, which inspired this post.

On January 13, 2015, I posted: “Some Biblical humor: There’s the story where Jesus prophesied that Peter would deny him three times. The Old King James says Peter would deny Him three times before the cock crowed, whereas the New King James says rooster instead of cock. Did preachers and teachers get fed up with children (and maybe some adults) laughing every time the word “cock” was uttered in church or school? Maybe they petitioned the Bible publishers to change that word?”-That’s another joke that was inspired by George Carlin’s comedy.

On January 8, 2015, I posted: “So: Do you understand or do you stand under?” My Paw Paw had asked me that question earlier that day and me having a dirty mind at times assumed he was trying to say something perverted but in a very covert manner. He and I have a similar sense of humor, though mine is more diversified.

On November 23, 2014, I posted: “Crows have such filthy mouths; they are forever saying caca!”-I was at church of all places and heard some crows outside the annex hall, so I thought up this joke. I had cracked other jokes that day as well.

On August 23, 2014, I posted: “20 Years ago land-line phones were a staple and cellular phones were a luxury. Now cellular phones are a staple and land-line phones are a luxury…”-I was watching a marathon of The Simpsons and saw episodes from the early to mid 1990s, and that is what inspired that post. In late 2016 or early 2017, I quit watching The Simpsons altogether because of spiritual convictions, but at the time of the post I watched and enjoyed the older episodes, while I detested the newer episodes because of their irreverence towards God.

On March, 15, 2014, I posted: “When you hear about the town of Diamondhead, Mississippi, do you think of snakes? I do.”-I always thought this because there are two types of vipers, the Diamondback Rattlesnake and the Copper Head. I got laughs from this, but wasn’t really expecting it…

On February 26, 2014, I posted: “You know you live in the middle of nowhere if there are no Family Dollar or Dollar General stores near you…”-This should be self explanatory, but I was inspired to write this when looking at rural towns on the coast of Cameron Parish on Google Maps and even they had a Family Dollar or a Dollar General.

On February 10, 2014, I posted: “When the Weather Radio says ‘…making for a rather dismal day…’ It sounds like a British meteorologist wrote that line. I think their vocabulary and context are so neat.”-Maybe there was someone from Britian that was working for the National Weather Service around that time. I mean Americans don’t normally talk like that, right?

On January 30, 2014, I posted: “I was posting weather information on here WAY BEFORE doing so was “cool.””

On January 27, 2014, I posted: “Why do they say prostitution is the world’s oldest profession? Cain and Abel were farmers. I believe Adam and Eve were farmers as well.”-Got that information from The Bible.

On January, 24, 2014, I posted: “OK, I am NOT well round in football…BUT…I have an idea: Instead of calling the play of ultimate desperation a “Hail Mary” pass; call it the “Sinner’s Prayer” pass. Look up the Sinner’s Prayer and you will see why.”

On January 22, 2014, I posted: “Here’s something to think about: Locomotives and planes have an instrument that records data pertaining to their operation and functionality. It is known as a “black box.” What gets me is that the actual color of this object is safety orange. Anyone else think of that?”

On January 13, 2014, I posted: “A little scientific humor: Do law enforcement entities that encrypt their communications issue their officers flashlights with Krypton-filled bulbs?” Both encrypt and Krypton have a similar Greek root word “cryptos” which means hidden.

On March 25, 2013, I posted: “I know why it is UNUSUALLY COLD in Louisiana: Dick Cheney spoke somewhat in favor of gay marriage.”-I cracked pollitically charged jokes on Facebook in those days.

On February 23, 2013, I posted: “Me walking into the teacher’s louge ‘That’s one small step for a student, one giant leap for the student body.'”-I came up with this saying some time in 2001 and at the time of the post I was in a reminisicing mood.

On February 18, 2013, I posted: “Twilight takes place in a town called Fork. Lafourche is French for Fork. I wonder what webre would think if he had a daughter that married a vampire.”-Webre is the sherriff of Lafourche Parish, this is a Twilight joke, because Bella’s dad is the police chief of Fork, WA.

On February 17, 2013, I posted: “I belong to a secret society. We gather together every Thursday at 2:10 PM at an abandonned ranch and fellowship with this wise old man. He can tell your fortune by striking a live rattlesnake against a pile of railroad crossties.
Now if you believe that, I have some Tundra in South Louisiana I want to offer you.”-I was picking up commodities for my grandparents and said this earlier in the day, to freak out some old people.

On February 3, 2013, I posted: “If I was at the dome I would be showing off my flashlights.”-This happened during the Super Bowl in New Orleans when the power in the Dome went out.

On January 14, 2013, I posted: “Seriously, how can anyone find the life of a teenage mother entertaining…It’s those kind of TV programs that make me feel as if I am trapped in Fahrenheit 451.”-I always hated reality TV, especially the shows “Teen Mom” and “16 and Pregnant.”

On January 12, 2013, I posted: “You know what would be cool? If any of the former presidents decided to have an online business, such as eBay. The buyer would not have to pay any shipping charges since all ex presidents have free postage for the rest of their lives. This would especially be cool if they sold tactical military gear.”-This is just a very good idea.

On December 24, 2012, I posted: “Probably only in Louisiana does the ice cream man come on Christmas.”-Self explanatory.

On December 18, 2012, I posted: “A good drinking game: Take a shot of Whiskey everytime Charlie Brown says good grief!!”-I think the Charlie Brown Christmas Special was being shown on TV, so I thought of this joke.

On December 11, 2012, I posted: “Calibrating an old barometer is a tedious process!!”-I was at my grandparents all day that day, visiting them. The weather was sub par, so I took it upon myself to repair their decades old barometer. After much guesswork (and mobile data usage), I got the dial calibrated.

On December 8, 2012, I posted: “Is it me, or does the word doppelganger sound like Doppler RADAR?”-Self explanatory.

On December 3, 2012, I posted: “I like flashlights the same way Barney Stinson likes suits and ties!!”-How I Met Your Mother was a popular show at the time.

On December 1, 2012, I posted: “So…I just read that there might be unicorns in North Korea…IMHO The horns on those creatures are just nuclear missile which the world desparately needs to step in and defuse them.”-Almost 5 years later and North Korea is making even more threats with nuclear weapons.

On November 18, 2012, I posted: “I had my ticket in my hand and took a ride on the Twilight Limited. The ride lasted until the Break of Dawn.”-I had gone to the theater to see Breaking Dawn Part 2, and decided to make a train joke.

On November 15, 2012, I posted: “I think it is something else that the old school Amtrak locomotives were called Pepsi cans because of their color scheme. Now (and maybe back then too) they serve Pepsi on board to passengers. Coincidence?”-Self explanatory.

On November 3, 2012, I posted: “I was making some groceries at Rouse’s today. They had an island in the store with some Christmas toys. There was a train set with a Denver Rio Grande Locomotive. There actually was such a railroad company. In fact it merged with Southern Pacific in 1988.”-Self explanatory.

On October 18, 2012, I posted: “The Weather REALLY needs to take its medicine…It keeps having mood swings.”-The weather in late 2012 was very unpredicatable and hectic.

On October 17, 2012, I posted: “Found my old thermometer in my closet…Had a hell of a time calibrating it though.”-Self explanatory.

On October 3, 2012, I posted: “It would be awesome if I could ride on a passenger train and be served Frostop Root Beer”-I would also usually go into a Frostop with a $5 bill and buy a root beer with unlimited refills. It was only $1.80 something for the drink, but I would always tell them to keep the change.

AND: “Does anyone still use a dedicated GPS device for driving or is that so 2008?”-Smartphones began to become commonplace in 2012 (though I didn’t own one until 2015) and they began to replace several dedicated devices.

On September 27, 2012, I posted: “I wonder how Steve Irwin would react if he was alive to see the show Swamp People.”-Self explanatory.

On September 25, 2012, I posted: “What exactly is the function of Conjunction JCT and where is it located? I want to go there and watch all of the grammar trains. There are long haul run on trains and fragment local trains as well.”-A reference to “Schoolhouse Rock” and my train/writing interests.

On August 27, 2012, I posted: “OK Issaac make up your damn mind already.”-We had no idea where Issaac would make landfall, but it ended up making a direct hit on Southeast, Louisiana.

On June 23, 2012, I posted: “I’ve noticed something: My house is a natural barometer! There is some unstable weather on the horizon, but it has yet to affect my area. Even though it is not here yet, naturally that means there is going to be fluctuations in air pressure. The walls keep creaking and the wood keeps settling, which indicates the fluctuations in air pressure. Anyone else notice the same thing?”-I was living in an old wood frame single unit studio apartment at the time

On April 18, 2012, I posted: “Root beer should be served on passenger trains…A drink with some foam for all the foamers on board. And good Root Beer too, similar to that of Frost Stop would be nice.”-This came to me in a dream I had earlier in the year, but in the dream it was Birch Beer instead of Root Beer.

On March 22, 2012, I posted: “So; Rick Santorum wants to ban birth control. Let’s say that comes to pass. If a couple did NOT want to produce a child, all the man would have to do is sit in a bathtub of very hot water for a few minutes. It would kill all the sperm inside of him…I guess Rick Santorum would want to ban hot water heaters as well, right?”-While my pollitical views have changed since then, I was more bold about posting pollitically charged material on Facebook.

On March 21, 2012, I posted: “Well I was like a schoolboy today: Supposed to be writing at the library, but the train parked on the Raceland Siding caught my attention more. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching trains while listening to train crews and their dispatchers on my scanner.”-More interested in trains instead of getting my writing done.

On March 5, 2012, I posted: “One of the VERY FEW pleasant memories of saint mary’s nativity school was on days like today: The weather was nice, so the teacher would put the windows up. I could hear the whistles of trains passing by on the Sunset Route.”-Self explanatory.

At some point in February of 2012 is when I started attempting to use better grammar when posting anything to Facebook or any other social media. This is also probably when I started using proper grammar to text.

On January 27, 2012, I posted: “here is something i thought of the other day: i was born on January 2nd at Thibodaux General, but had severe complications and was rushed via ambulance to Ocshner in Jefferson…Cell phones were not as common in 1987 as they are today, so EMT’s had to have used their radios to talk to the hospital (much more than they do today)… so i wonder if anyone was listening to the medical frequencies (463/468 MHz or 155 MHz) on a scanner and heard about me…maybe they just received that scanner as a Christmas gift.”-Self explanatory.

On January 13, 2012, I posted: “Bella was 18 when she became an immortal vampire…Edward was only 17 when he became an immortal vampire…That means that in most states Bella will be commiting statutory rape for eternity, right?”-More Twilight humor.

On December 24, 2011, I posted: “Here I was thinking this would have been one of the best Christmases, I got the scanner I wanted and three Christmas dinners on Christmas Day. BUT This is one of the worst Christmases ever, I lost two people important to me, My Cousin Dud and my friend Mr. Earl. Just days before all of this happened I had my anti-depressants increased, but I think I will need another dosage increase.”

On December 21, 2011, I posted: “It’s the first day of winter and it’s hot and humid. I am sweating like a catholic priest at a little league game. Damn this Louisiana weather.”-Typical Louisiana weather. I also made more controversial posts back then.

On December 20, 2011, I posted: “last night while I was watching The Polar Express, I realized that one of the crew members on there, looked just like the infamous conductor Chip, on the Union Pacific Morgan City Local. He looked like an animated version of Chip, just with a long beard. Probably only the railfans on here will get this joke lol.”

On December 9, 2011, I posted: “So yesterday my paw paw said that he was going to a Hornets game. I told him “Paw Paw if you want to see hornets, just look at the side of your house!” Everyone who was in his house laughed because it sounded like one of the jokes he would crack…I know the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!!”-Those of you who know me and my family well would appreciate this post better than the rest.

On December 3, 2011, I posted: “while everyone is watching sports, i should be watching trains. There are no safe places in Raceland to watch trains. Damn this sucks.”

On December 1, 2011, I posted: “once again…damn this writer’s block. haven’t really been able to get into it.”

On December 1 , 2011, I posted: “Maglite Flashlights and Crossman Airguns. Are these the ONLY American-Made products sold at Wal-Mart anymore? Sam Walton is probably rolling around in his grave.”-Very few items at Wal-Mart are American made and it is still pretty much this way, almost 6 years later.

On October 10, 2011, I posted: “heard some interesting railroad communications on my scanner today…finally i understand what they are talking about.”

On September 23, 2011, I posted: “I’m Free!! Oh Lord, I’m Free.”

On September 22, 2011, I posted: “got my new EDC backpack just the way I want it…Yall just don’t understand how OCD I am about my backpack.”

On September 21, 2011, I posted: “my chains will be broken soon!! :-)”

On September 19, 2011, I posted: “am i at a crossing or just a siding switch in my life???”

On September 6, 2011, I posted: “Chipolte flavored peanuts and a Czech style pilsner good times”-Self explanatory.

On September 3 , 2011, I posted: “Got my flashlight arsenal in the war against darkness.”-Self explanatory.

On July 1, 2011, I posted: “got a $50 pair of shoes for $10 at Rack Room in the Esplanade Mall! What a bargain!! Also got a nice little angle head flashlight, from Perret’s Army Surplus. Such a good shopping experience in the city of Kenner.”-Self explanatory.

On May 24, 2011, I posted: “just finished writing i am sure some people will appreciate it. it it possible to fly a helicopter upside down with a beer in one hand and a cig in the other?”-Those in my immediate family will get this joke and laugh their butts off.

On December 29, 2010, I posted: “my mom found my swiss army knife that i lost while i was a senior in high school”-That knife had been missing for over four years.

On December 9, 2010, I posted: “goodbye to windows xp. i am now using unbuntu on my netbook.” That is when I gave up Windows for good and pretty much never looked back.

On July 27, 2010, I posted: “topamax should be known as dopamax i know its been said but it bears repeating”-It’s a great mood stabilizer and weight loss drug, but it lowers the brain function significantly.

On June 26, 2010, I posted: “I just saw Bubba and Dubya on TV in the same commercial. What is this world coming to?”-Clinton and Bush 2 were in a commercial asking for money to help those affected by the 2010 Haitian earthquake.

On October 2, 2009, I posted: “I just realized that I will be getting married on Dave Mathew’s 43rd birthday. That is awesome.”-He was one of my favorite artists when I was a teenager.

On August 15, 2009, I posted: “still trying to figure out facebook.”-As much as I enjoy technology, I take my time with it. I had signed up for Facebook shortly before posting this, but this was my first official post…
 
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