Rampant Bullying Corruption and Hypocrisy-Persecuted Affection

The next day at school, Kurt was sitting on the benches waiting for the morning bell to ring. It was impossible for him to hide the smile he had as he once again read the chat transcript.

Suddenly, too classmates, Johacim Dawkins and Mathew Perot came up to him, ready to make trouble.

Johacim asked “What are you so happy about?”

“None of your business.” Kurt replied.

“What’s on the papers?” Mathew then asked, tauntingly.

“What I told Johacim, none of your business.”

“I’m making it my business.” Mathew said snatching it from him.

“Give that back.”

“No.”

Both Mathew and Johacim read it and began to snicker.

Johacim then remarked “I know who this girl is. I’ve seen her at some of the dances at the Lion’s Club. She’s a cow.”

Mathew added in “Even though she’s a cow, Kurt doesn’t deserve a girlfriend.”

“Let’s show this to Mrs. Mathers, so Kurt will get in trouble.” Johacim added in.

Sandra Mathers happened to be on duty this morning and Johacim came up to her and said “What’s up Mrs. Mathers?”

“Morning, Johacim.”

“I got something to show you.”

He then walked up to her with the papers and said “Kurt Marchal had this.”

She read it then came up to Kurt saying, “I see you brought this filth to school. How dare you. Come with me to Mrs. Bouchard’s office, right now!”

Kurt sulked and then followed her.

As they walked in Claudia Bouchard asked “What did he do now?”

“Let him explain it.” Sandra said, placing the chat transcript on the desk.

Claudia adjusted her glasses and read the papers, then said “Do your parents know about this girl?”

“No not yet.” Kurt answered blankly.

“Well I am going to call them at work and let them know.”

“Why? There’s nothing bad in those papers.”

“It’s still inappropriate to bring to school. And wait, I see here that you called this school a ‘hell hole.'”

“I call it that because everyone is mean to me, both teachers and students.”

“You deserve it because of how you act.”

“But Eileen is very nice to me.”

“You shouldn’t talk to any girl until you graduate from college.”

“Don’t other boys at this school have girlfriends?”

“Yes, but that is none of your concern. You shouldn’t have a girlfriend because, knowing you, you would get her pregnant and my taxes would have to support your baby for the next 18 years, and more than likely even longer if the child takes after you. That’s why I’m contacting your parents.”

“But I love her and she loves me.”

“Oh, don’t give me that heart failure, about love. You’re too young to know what love is. Now, I’m going to call your parents and have them make you break up with her.”

“They’ll never make me do that.”

“If they don’t then you will be expelled, end of the story.”

“But that’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair. That’s a lesson you need to be taught. Class will be starting in a few minutes, so get back on the benches. And do not open your mouth, or else!”

Kurt sulked and then walked back to the bench. He was sitting there in complete distress thinking about all his promises to Eileen and how he might have to break them. He was deathly afraid that she would harm herself after he would be forced to leave her. These thoughts caused a great agony in his heart and he prayed for a miracle that he and Eileen would still be able to stay together.

Mathew and Johacim came back to Kurt and began making trouble once again.

“I bet Eileen goes to the bathroom outside because she’s a cow.” Johacim said.

“I can take you picking on me, but why must you pick on her?”

“Because she loves you is the main reason. You don’t deserve to be loved.” Mathew interjected.

“Yeah, anyone who loves you needs their head examined.” Johacim added in.

“Maybe their four stomachs too.” Mathew finally said.

With that the bell rang. Kurt picked up his backpack and walked to the classroom.

The first class of the day was Life Science. Ironically, the animals being studied for the day’s lesson were bovines.

Johacim blurted out, “I didn’t know we would be studying about Kurt’s girlfriend.”

Mathew added in, “Yes, she’s so fat that she has four stomachs.”

Kurt got angry and said “Shut up both of you. I think she’s beautiful both body and soul. Both of your souls are ugly and filthy.”

“Watch it Kurt!” The teacher, Mrs. Kraft, said.

“What about them?” Kurt asked.

“Let me handle them.”

“How can a cow have a soul anyway?” Mathew finally said.

“Mathew see me after class. You too Johacim. Kurt step outside with me right now.”

“Okay.” Kurt said, rolling his eyes, then followed the teacher outside.

“Why are they saying your girlfriend is a cow?”

“Because she’s overweight. But she treats me right and I do love her.”

“They are so cruel, but they get away with it because their families make so many donations to this school. However, I’ll try not to let it happen in my class.”

“Thank you.”

“I do have a question, though: Do you really love her?”

“With all my heart.”

“I was overweight as a teenager as well, but I found someone who loved me in spite of it. He and I have been married for twenty four years and counting. I know the pain she is going through, but I only hope you will be true to her.” She paused and then asked, “You’re not going to use her then leave her, are you?”

“I would wait however long for her, even if it meant until after marriage. But there is a big problem: I want to be true to her, I definitely do, but Mrs. Bouchard says that I have to break up with her or be expelled. I’m afraid that she’ll hurt herself when I’m forced to break up with her.”

“That woman is cruel and power hungry, but you didn’t hear that from me. If she pulls that stunt, your parents can sue her, but you didn’t hear that from me either.”

“Don’t worry, my lips are sealed.”

“Now, I think this girl will do you some good and you will do her some good, so stay true to her and treat her right.”

“Will do! You have my word! I will do this to the best of my ability, so help me God!”

“That’s good and I see you must have watched the Bush inauguration this past January.”

“Sure did.”

“You always liked history and current events.”

“That’s because my parents and grandparents always have the news on.”

“Now I have to get back to teaching and you have to get back to learning, so it’s time to get back to class and you try to ignore those two hateful boys.”

Kurt nodded and they walked back into the classroom.

Both Mathew and Johacim looked at Kurt and then pretended to be chewing grass. Kurt ignored them.

Mrs. Lilian Kraft gave them a dirty look. They rolled their eyes, but then snickered. The class for Life Science finished up and then Mrs. Kraft switched to History. She began to teach about the Vietnam Conflict, but in a way seventh graders would understand. Kurt listened attentively to the lesson, even though he had mixed feelings about the war.

At the end of the lesson, Mrs. Kraft said “Now, I want each student to do a presentation on a former American President. You will each have one of your choice, but I expect it to be done neatly and professionally. Start deciding which president you would like to report on and give me your choice tomorrow. Now everyone get ready to go to Mrs. Bouchard’s religion class.”

The whole class got up and left the room. Soon they all arrived in Claudia Bouchard’s classroom.

She began teaching the class about sexual morality. “Now class, I am going to tell you a shocking fact: seventy percent of all thirteen year olds are no longer virgins. I would like to think that all of you are and if I find out that anyone isn’t he or she will be expelled.”

“Does sleeping with a cow count, as in Kurt’s case?” Johacim blurted out.

The class roared with laughter.

Kurt looked at Claudia Bouchard and said “He just called my girlfriend a cow. Aren’t we all made in God’s image?”

“She’s not your girlfriend as long as you attend this school, now shut your mouth and don’t interrupt my class again.”

“But Johacim just interrupted your class and made a very hateful remark about someone I care about. By the way, she never did him anything to him. Shouldn’t he be punished as well?”

“How dare you question me! You don’t open your mouth again or I will give you an in school suspension.”

Kurt sulked and tuned out the teacher, then began daydreaming about Eileen. Claudia Bouchard taught an agonizingly long lesson about sexual abstinence and the related topics. He would sometimes hear a few words, then drift out and think more about Eileen. Finally Claudia Bouchard switched to the subjects of English and Reading.

She told the class “Your whole generation doesn’t read and write enough and neither do you take pride in any of your work. Therefore, I am giving each of you a book report to do for both an English and a Reading grade. You will each take a book from the library and it will be one that you have never read before. Also if I catch any of you looking for a book with few pages, I will assign you the thickest book possible.”

The whole class sulked.

“Now, let’s walk to the school library.”

Everyone got up and left the classroom.

Kurt tried to make the best of the situation and look for a good love story. The fact that he was doing this made him realize that Eileen was changing him for the better. He looked around the whole library, until he finally found a book. It was Holding Steady by Stephen Schwandt. He flipped through the pages and realized that the two protagonists in the story shared similar pains. While it wasn’t the same pains that he and Eileen were going through, he still could somehow relate to it. Kurt decided to check out this book and only prayed that Claudia Bouchard would think it to be too thin. He sat down in the library and began to read it. The strange thing to him was that he actually was enjoying it. He had never enjoyed reading before, much less a love story, until Eileen caused these feelings in him to surface.

Kurt had just begun to get to a good part in the story when Claudia Bouchard said “All right class, does anyone not have a book?”

No one answered. She walked around to make sure everyone did indeed have a book, then said “It’s time to go back to class and then have recess. Kurt you stay by the wall for bringing that disgusting chat transcript to school.”

The whole class laughed.

Mathew added in “I didn’t think he could write in ‘moo’!”

The whole class laughed even more.

Kurt wanted to stand up for both himself and Eileen, but knew he would be suspended if he did so.”

Soon after, everyone left the library and headed back to the classroom. After a few more minutes, the little recess bell rang.

Kurt went to the building wall and began to read Holding Steady once again. Bouchard saw him and said “You will only read that at home, not while you’re punished!”

“But sometimes you make us do our unfinished homework during recess. I’m just trying to get a head start.”

“Watch it Kurt! You’re already on thin ice. Now pick up the book and sit by the wall in silence.”

Once again, Kurt began to fantasize about Eileen during his recess punishment. Somehow it seemed to Kurt that it was better to be by the wall for recess and have someone to fantasize about then to be free and have no one to fantasize about. As he was at the height of his fantasy, the bell rang.

Kurt got in line with the rest of the students and they all headed back to class. It was time for spelling class with Claudia Bouchard. They were assigned to write each spelling word ten times each. Kurt being a good speller, was soon finished and he thought of pulling out the book yet again, but didn’t want to get in any more trouble. Instead he decided to read ahead in his primer. Finally it was time for lunch. The class lined up and walked to the cafeteria in silence. The students were served nachos with chili, cheese and jalapeno peppers. Kurt ate everything on his plate, then went into a trance thinking about Eileen yet again.

“They grinded up Kurt’s girlfriend and served her in the chili.” Johacim remarked, breaking Kurt’s daydream.

Mathew then added in “Yeah, it’s the unholy eucharist.”

Everyone at the table laughed. Kurt rolled his eyes, put his head down and continued to daydream about Eileen. After lunch was over, everyone went onto the school grounds for recess while Kurt sat by the wall. He sulked in anger but knew he could prove them all wrong just by loving Eileen as best as he could. However he was worried about what his parents’ reaction would be when they found out about Eileen. He well knew that they didn’t like secrets being kept from them and they certainly did not like it when they had to be called by his teachers. He prayed and prayed that they would understand and somehow still allow him and Eileen to be together.

Finally the lunch period ended and the students headed off to big recess.

Kurt stood by the wall, once again fantasizing about Eileen. He lapsed into a trance until the bell rang.

It was now time for PE and the students were playing Put Out. Kurt purposely played terribly just to be put out and not have to participate. Finally it was time for Math class with Mrs. Lilian Kraft. The lesson was on fractions and percentages, which Kurt absorbed, but didn’t like the homework. Finally there was the dismissal bell.

Back to “Persecuted Affection”

 

Kurt and Eileen Meet-Persecuted Affection

April 2001. Early Evening, Just After Sunset…

Kurt Marchal was swimming in the Olympic sized pool at the YMCA his family belonged to. He was a lonely and awkward 14 year old with few friends. The reason for this, I assume, was that neither he nor his family was part of the clique which had formed around the catholic elementary school he attended. Though he was 14 years old, he was only in 7th grade. This was a result of persecution done to him by several school officials, forcing him to repeat the 4th grade. He had always been persecuted by teachers, staff and administrators but it had greatly worsened by 4th grade and had been downhill ever since.

As Kurt was swimming in the pool, a girl had jumped in. She looked to be about his age and he watched her. In the back of his mind he wondered if she could maybe be a companion to him. He wondered if she could somehow be the one whom he had prayed for many times to come into his life. After she resurfaced he watched her swim. She noticed him and smiled. He smiled back. She then waved. Awkwardly Kurt waved back. The girl smiled even more brightly. She then motioned for him to come to her. Gladly he did so and began stroking through the water until he was in arm’s length of her.

“Hey.” The girl spoke to him.

“Hi.” Kurt replied.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

“Kurt Marchal.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Eileen Cartensen.”

“I’ve never seen you here before.”

“I just started coming here. My doctor suggested I swim for exercise. Eileen paused awkwardly and said “Everyone is mean to me because of my weight. I’m hoping you’ll be nice to me, because I saw you looking at me.”

“I sure will be nice to you because I know what you’re going through. Both teachers and classmates at my school are mean to me as well.”

“Why were you looking at me?” Eileen asked cautiously.

Kurt blushed and said “Because I think you’re pretty.”

“Even though I’m fat?” She asked with a little distress.

“That doesn’t bother me. If anything, I think it makes you even prettier!”

“Why? Because it makes my boobs big?” Eileen asked then gasped, covered her mouth and blushed.

Kurt blushed also and replied “Well that’s one reason.”

“Do you like anything else about me?”

“I like how you’re being nice to me. No one else is.”

“No one is nice to me either. Everyone makes fun of my weight, but you like it.” She paused and then continued “You seem to be nice to me as well, but I am going to ask you a dumb question.”

“What is it?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t. No one wants me.”

“How would you feel if I said ‘I want you’?”

“I would be very happy.”

“Good, because I do want you.”

“Oh God, Eileen. I hope you’re serious.”

“Serious as a heart attack. Do you want me as well?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Then give me a hug!”

Kurt happily embraced her and then said “It feels so good when our bodies come close together.”

“I’ve never been touched before. What about you?”

“Never, well until you.”

“Good, then our relationship will be special.”

Kurt and Eileen continued hugging while staring deeply into each other’s eyes and smiling.

Suddenly, they heard a loud whistle, followed by “Stop hugging right now or I’ll kick both of you out.” It was the lifeguard. He seemed to be ex military and somehow extremely uptight.

“Let’s go sit outside on the lawn chairs and hold hands.” Kurt said.

“Okay. I’ll give up my exercise for a little while. It would be worth it for you though.”

So they walked to the exit and then went outside. As soon as Kurt and Eileen were out of the lifeguard’s sight they hugged again. Then, holding hands, they went lay down, each on adjacent lawn chairs.
“Aren’t the stars pretty.” Eileen asked.

“Not as pretty as you.” Kurt replied, then continued “Of course I don’t think anyone or anything is prettier than you.”

“I think you should kiss me for telling me that.”

“Sure.”

Kurt leaned over to kiss her, but then she said “I want you to ask me first though.”

“Ask you what?”

“If you can kiss me.”

“All right, here goes: Eileen Cartensen, may I kiss you?”

“You definitely may.”

Kurt leaned over once again and Eileen threw her arms around him as their lips began to lock.

“This is my first kiss.” Eileen said, beaming.

“Mine too.” Kurt replied with excitement.

There was an awkward silence, but then Kurt asked “Are you on ICQ?”

“Yes.” Eileen replied.

“Then can I have your ICQ number, you know, so we can keep in touch?”

“Yes, of course.”

“How can we write them down?”

“Let’s get dressed and then go to the lobby and we can get a pen and paper there.”

“Great.”

They kissed once more, then each walked into the respective locker rooms.

Both dressed probably quicker than ever before, then met up in the lobby.

Eileen then asked the desk clerk for a pen and scratch paper, to which she was handed it.

They then wrote down each others’ names and ICQ numbers on the half sheet of torn paper, then both called their parents from the desk phone for a ride home.

Eileen’s parents pulled up in a white mini van soon after, and she hugged Kurt goodbye, then said “Message me tonight.” Kurt nodded his head and hugged her once more.

Soon enough afterwards Kurt’s parents pulled up in a dark blue sedan and drove him home.

Upon arrival, Kurt turned on the family computer and dialed into the AOL server. After being connected he started the ICQ application and entered his number and password.

There was the sound of “Uh-Oh” as a message popped up on his screen.

It was from Eileen and read “Hey. I had a wonderful time tonight and I only hope and pray that we will have many more!”

“Of course we will, I will do everything in my power for us to be together.”

“You’re so sweet. I am so happy that you came up to me in the pool.”

“And I’m glad you motioned for me to come. Otherwise I never would have.”

“I’m falling for you quickly. I just pray you won’t break my heart and leave me.”

“I promise you that I never will. You’re the only one who ever wanted me. No one else wanted me, but somehow you do and I’ll never forget that.”

“I think I love you, Kurt. Do you love me?”

Kurt’s heart skipped a beat and then he replied “Yes, I do love you. I promise to always love you!”

“Good then my heart is so happy.”

“So is mine.”

“I guess I can prove everyone at school wrong. They always tell me that I’ll be an old lonely bachelor, but now I have you and as long as I can help it, neither of us will ever be lonely again.”

“Where do you go to school?”

“queen of heaven catholic elementary.”

“There were some kids from over there that harassed me at a Lion’s Club dance.”

“Somehow I’m not surprised. Both students and teachers harass me at that hell hole.”

“Don’t worry about them anymore because we have each other.”

“What grade are you in?”

“Eighth.”

“I’m supposed to be in Eighth, but I failed the Fourth Grade.”

“That’s all right, maybe I could help you study from now on. I’m very good at English and Reading and I even like to read and write. In fact I want to write love stories for a living when I’m all grown up.”

“All I’m good at is History, but I would like it a lot if you helped me.”

“What do you want to be when you’re all grown up?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Maybe since you like History you could be a newspaper journalist or an online blogger. I could help you write your articles and we could be a team!”

“I’m very happy that you see a future with me.”

“Of course I see a future with you. I could use our relationship as an inspiration to the love stories I write!”

“I know this is a little off topic, but if there’s ever another Lion’s Club dance, I’ll go with you and show you off to everyone. And if anyone is mean to you, I’ll just hug and kiss you in front of all of them. Then I’ll tell them all off.”

“Oh, how I want you right now!”

“I’m yours, both now and forever!”

“Hey my parents just told me I have to get to bed, but message me the next time you’re going to the Y so we can swim together.”

“Will do. You know what?”

“What?”

“I love you!”

“I love you too.”

Eileen then signed off and Kurt printed out a transcript of their conversation. He then folded up the papers and placed them in his nightshirt close to his heart.

Back to “Persecuted Affection”

Christmas Day Part One-Second Chances

My medication has worn off and I am waking up in my girlfriend’s arms.

It is Christmas Morning and she is sleeping with her head on my chest.

I give her a gentle kiss and then just lay there.

She is slowly waking up as well and she pecks me on the cheek.

“Merry Christmas, baby!” I whisper to her.

She smiles from ear to ear and replies, “Merry Christmas,” Then puts her glasses on.

I hug her tightly. She moans and coos with happiness.

We exchange several kisses but then she says, “Okay, I have to potty now-my bladder is full and I’m about to burst!”

I let go and she walks to the bathroom.

I wait for her on the convertible sofa.

I then hear the toilet flush and the sink turn on and off.

She steps out and kisses me as she playfully says, “Did you miss me?”

I simply blush and nod. Then I kiss her in return. She hugs me and buries her face in my chest.

“Now I have to go as well!” I tell her.

“The bathroom is all yours!” She replies.

I enter the bathroom then relieve my bladder. Then I flush the toilet and wash my hands.

She is putting away the bed of the convertible sofa as I exit the bathroom.

After she is done, she motions for me to sit on the sofa with her.

We sit close to each other holding hands and looking at the Christmas tree.

“I wish I knew you existed sooner because I would have bought you a gift for Christmas,” She tells me.

“Just give me your faith, your loyalty and your affections!”

“Oh, as far as I can see you will always have those!”

“I too wish we would have met much sooner, though.”

“Yes, but we have each other now!”

“If you will always be this sweet, I can honestly say that you were worth the wait!”

“Aww. Thank you!” She says then kisses me.

I begin to play with her long reddish blonde hair, to which she giggles.

She pulls my face into her breasts, which turns me on immensely.

I begin to kiss her breasts and she then says, “If we go any further, it will be a sin.”

“You’re right. I don’t want to commit that sin because then God might punish us and cause us to split up.”

“I don’t ever want that, because you seem so perfect for me.”

“And I would rather have you by my side forever and not sin instead of having a few fleeting moments of pleasure with you and then lose you!”

“Just hearing you say those words makes me want you even more though!”

“We need to pray for an escape route. If it didn’t offend God so much, I would indeed make love to you!”

“Ditto!”

One of the room mates comes walking out of her room and asks my girlfriend, “Could you make us all some coffee?”

“Will do.”

The room mate then asks me, “We buy a coffee and chicory blend that is really famous in this city. Would you like to try some?”

“Sure,” I tell her.

“Boil some milk too!” She tells my girlfriend.

“I’ll help,” I interject.

My girlfriend gets two sauce pans and a French press coffee maker out of the cabinets.

She then tells me, “Draw some water into one of the sauce pans and pour some milk in the other.”

“Will do!” I tell her.

I turn on the kitchen tap and draw some water in the pot then I get a gallon of milk from the refrigerator and pour some milk into the other.

My girlfriend then hands me a box of matches and says, “You’ll need these to start the stove burners.”

“Okay. I think my stove is like that too. Of course this house reminds me a lot of my house.”

“I’d like to see your house if that’s all right.”

“Sure. I’d be honored for you to be my guest!”

My girlfriend coos again then kisses me.

I light the stove and put the water on a high fire and the milk on a low fire.

My girlfriend pours the coffee bean and chicory root grinds into the French press.

We stand in the kitchen, waiting for the water and milk to boil. It’s quite cold, so we cling to each other for warmth.

I gently rub her love handles and she rubs my buttocks.

We sweetly stare into each others’ eyes, lost in time.

Finally, the water is at a rolling boil and the milk is warm enough.

The other room mate is waking up.

“Could you make us all some French Toast?” She asks.

“Sure.” She pauses, then looks at me and says, “Pour the boiling water into the top of the coffee maker and lower the milk to the lowest setting possible.”

I pour the boiling water and am greeted with an amazing aroma of the coffee and chicory brewing.

“Could you go to the Lazy Susan and get some nutmeg and vanilla extract?”

“Sure thing, baby!” I tell her.

While I find those, she is getting a big bowl from the cabinets and beating some eggs in it. I had her the vanilla and nutmeg, to which she pours it into the mixture.

“One more thing, get me a cup of sugar, baby.”

“I’m on it.” I tell her.

I get some measuring spoons and pour a cup of sugar into the mixture.

She mixes it all together, then takes the old loaf of sliced bread and dunks every piece into the mixture.

Afterwards, she takes a couple pats of butter and drops them in a skillet.

She lights the middle burner of the stove and the butter melts.

Once the melted butter is sizzling, she begins to cook the pieces of bread.

Finally they are all done.

She places the French Toast on a platter.

We all sit at the table and one of the room mates says grace.

My girlfriend takes a ladle and scoops some of the hot milk into the four coffee mugs, then she pours the coffee and chicory brew into the cups.

We all serve ourselves some French Toast.

As I eat, I say, “This is amazing.”

One room mate says, “You’ve got a good woman on your hands so you need to treat her right,”

“He does,” My girlfriend says.

The other room mate adds in, “Yes he does. I heard him say how he wants her by his side forever instead of just for a few fleeting moments of pleasure. Guys like that are very rare!”

I blush and smile from ear to ear.

The first room mate says, “That’s very sweet!” She then looks at my girlfriend and says, “You have a good man, so treat him right as well!”

My girlfriend and I share a sweet kiss then go back to eating.

One of the room mates ask me, “How’s the coffee?”

“It’s awesome!” I tell her, “Never had anything like it before.”

“Well, get used to it if you’re going to live in our city!”

“I do like it here, I must admit. I knew it would be a safe haven for those with my illness but I didn’t think I would do this well!”

“You’re blessed-remember that!” My girlfriend tells me.

One room mate then says, “Why don’t y’all walk around the neighborhood and have fun together. We’re going visit our family.”

“You would show me your house!” My girlfriend says.

“Okay. I’ll do that.”

“Just remember to always be good to each other,” The other room mate says.

My girlfriend clears the table and we wash the dishes.

Then her room mates get in their car and leave.

We bundle up then go for a walk…

Back to “Second Chances”

My Standards for a Future Partner or Spouse

I’m actually writing this on the evening of my 33rd Birthday.

However, I came up with most of these standards while I was trapped in a faulty marriage.

I did have another, albeit mostly innocent, relationship after that marriage, but she called it quits on me a year and almost four months later.  By the way, she exceeded my standards by far, so I quickly fell for her and was devastated when she quit on me.

My first and biggest standard is that she have no children.  I have no children either, so I feel that is what I deserve.  Furthermore, since both of us would have no children, we can totally focus on each other!  I am open to having children some day, but I want it to be with only one woman!

My next standard is that she be a Born Again Christian of any denomination or independent/fragmented church.   If not a Christian, she would need to be at least tolerant, friendly and understanding of my Christian faith.  I would be thrilled beyond any and all imagination if she converted to Christianity by hearing or viewing The Gospel from me and more importantly seeing me live it out!  This should be my number one standard, but I know Christianity is sadly not always popular among my fellow Millennials in Western Society.

Another very important standard is that she be at least overweight or even obese (be it clinically or morbidly.)  Yes, I am exclusively attracted to plus sized and even super sized women.  This is even more true if she has a pretty face! I believe the medical term is called lipophilia.  I catch enough flak about it, from my family and my friends also get annoyed about this as well, but it is a major part of who I am.  There is something about me that causes the endorphins to surge throughout my being when I see a bigger lady.  And not only that, I feel immensely giddy!  I don’t have those reactions whenever I see skinny or muscular women, no matter how pretty their faces are.  I won’t be rude to skinny or muscular women, I’m just not attracted to them.  This dates back to when I was in Eighth Grade and a lot of plus sized girls were so good to me.  I had crushes on many of them but didn’t make it known nor did I ask them out because I was afraid of what others would think of me.  At the age of sixteen, things changed though I didn’t publicly make my size preference known until between the ages of seventeen and nineteen.  There was a time I acted like I was God’s gift to plus sized women, but now whenever I see one I feel as if I am a lowly pauper in the presence of a mighty queen!  The ironic part is that I can talk to a skinny or muscular woman and be totally cool calm and collected.  However, if I am talking to a plus sized or super sized woman, I become awfully bashful and nervously cute because of the giddiness I feel.  Almost all of the love stories I have recently written in some way shape or form entail a plus sized lady who is absolutely adored and revered by her man!

Yet, another standard I have pertains to age.  I have gotten stricter on this standard because I realize that a partner or spouse must needs have at least some things in common.  Therefore she has to have been born between January 1, 1980 and December 31, 1994.  I wouldn’t have anything in common with those who are older or younger.  My standard on this used to be someone born between January 1, 1978 and September 10, 1996, but I soon realized I needed to revise that.  Usually those that are older than me and up to three years younger than me don’t pay much attention to me anyway, because they all want older men than me.

It would be perfectly fine for her to take medication under a physician’s care or even drink alcohol, but using any tobacco, vape, marijuana or any illegal drugs is a total deal breaker for me.

This next standard is painfully awkward, but unfortunately I do need to say it, especially in this day and age:  I cannot and will not demand that she is a virgin, because I’m obviously not and that would be pure hypocrisy on my part.  However, I would still date or marry a virgin, if she indeed wanted me, simply because they have shown interest in me in the past and they have treated me well.  For the record, I would treat her with a great deal of reverence.  I cannot and will not count rape or molestation against a future partner and would still date or marry someone who has been a victim of such egregious crimes provided she gets the help she needs and doesn’t take her anger out on me.  I promise I would treat her too with a lot of reverence and gentleness.  Ideally, though, I would want to date and ultimately marry someone who has a past that is the equivalent of mine, of which I would also treat her with reverence and not only that, there would be a mutual understanding between us!  However, I will not date or marry a whore, that is someone who has willful and consensual sex with multiple partners, especially for money or favors but even just for fun.  I frankly do not care how awesome she is in bed, because I have my health and my dignity at stake.  Furthermore, as wrong as this may seem I would feel no reverence towards towards a whore or even a former whore and I want to date and marry someone I feel reverence towards!

I don’t want to date someone who is married or even in a relationship!  Unless, of course, the relationship she is in was very abusive or unfaithful and she wants out for good.  However, I will date someone that is in the process of a divorce or has a finalized divorce.  I too am a divorcee!  Of course I would also date someone who is totally single!

The above are all the standards I have that are absolute.

The following are totally negotiable standards:

I do not like sports.  In fact I hate most sports.  I don’t want to be with a woman who is into sports and watches them for hours or day on end and shuts me out while doing so!  I suffered through that enough in that faulty marriage I was in and I don’t want to repeat it again.  Ideally, it would be so awesome if I could find a woman who hates sports as much as I do, but that might be asking a lot.

Technically I am disabled.  Therefore I would rather be with a woman who is also disabled, if at all possible.  She could be either mentally or physically disabled (within reason), as long as she has a good heart, I could fall for her!  I find we could better relate better to each other and would also have a solid understanding of each other.  However, I would date or even marry a woman who is able and employed, though, and I would be totally supportive of her career in any way I can be.  I just don’t think such a woman would stay with me for very long.

Politically, I can best describe myself as a Moderate.  I know am sometimes quite liberal because I believe in safety nets for those who need them I believe that affordable healthcare should be accessible to everyone and I firmly believe something needs to be done about the unbearably high cost of housing but other times I am very conservative because I believe in religious liberties, I believe the government needs to butt out of our lives most of the time and I firmly believe in gun rights.  I would want to marry someone who is like me politically but I get that finding such a woman will be durn near impossible!

Are these too unreasonable for me?  I think not!  If they are indeed unreasonable, I’d rather be single!

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…In Case You’re Interested in Me….

This is similar to what I have posted on my dating profiles.  I haven’t had much success on those.

I don’t know why one of my readers would be interested in dating me, but in case one of you are for whatever reason, here is a little about me:

First and foremost, I am a Christian and have been since the age of seventeen (July 2004.) I am but a poor wretched sinner who is born again, a child of The Most High King and therefore saved only by the gift of grace imparted to me through the loving, sufficient and selfless sacrificial death and victorious resurrection of my personal Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and, let me be totally clear, absolutely no merit of my own!  I attend church at least once a week and usually more than that!

Even though I am a Christian I am a huge fan of The Twilight Saga.  The main reason I am is that I can relate to Edward Cullen on so many levels.  In fact, I’ve frequently been described as an old soul.  Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate that people my age look much younger than their counterparts of previous generations.  I am heavily dependent on just about all modern technologies.  And I appreciate how we are more informed than ever before.  However, I vehemently resent that my honesty and my chivalry are grossly undervalued if even valued at all.  Remember how Edward Cullen acted towards Bella Swan (especially in his reverence towards her)?  That’s exactly how I would feel towards any young lady that would give me the honor of being hers!  Being this way, though, is very detrimental in today’s dating world, unfortunately.  Not too many generations ago, it was noble and admirable!  On top of that, I used to look like Edward Cullen, before I gained weight, but that was also before Twilight was even a thing.

Politically, I am Moderate.  I believe in safety nets for those who need them.  I believe everyone deserves access to affordable healthcare.  And I believe something ought to be done about the unbearably high cost of housing.  Also, I believe that private schools whose rules governing off-campus behavior that are in violation of any constitutional rights ought to lose all federal funding as well as their non-profit status.  However, I also believe in religious liberties.  I also believe in limited government at least most of the time.  And I fervently believe in gun rights.  This unique combination makes me a Moderate.  However, I vote with my conscience, which is ever molded and framed by The Bible and The Conviction of The Holy Ghost.

Second to being a Christian, I’m also an independent thinker, even though it landed me in constant trouble as a schoolboy. I do hold myself to a high standard and strive to be moral, ethical and a man of integrity.  I have a place of my own, live by myself, I have a steady source of income, no children and my own vehicle.

Just to be clear: I am divorced but it was a clean break and totally final. My ex-wife and I went our separate ways and we owe each other nothing, financially or otherwise. Professionals familiar with the situation have put me overwhelmingly in the right.  That faulty marriage taught me to have standards!  More on that in a bit.

I do have some strikes against me, but all through no fault of my own.  I try to play the hand I was dealt with the best of my ability and let me just say that if you don’t want me during my darkest nights, then you don’t deserve me during my brightest days!  However, if you stand by me in the valleys, in my eyes you will be higher than the highest mountains and of course, be treated as such!

I can be either an introvert or an extrovert, it all depends on the type of people present.  I’m not snobbish by any means but I am careful and I trust my instincts (and statistics.)  Therefore, if my gut speaks good of them, I open up, fellowship and share with them.  Likewise, if my gut speaks ill of them I shut down, ignore them and keep to myself.

Writing is my favorite activity (obviously) and I’ve been doing it since April 10, 2003. My favorite genre to write is love stories. I also write articles and essays on topics of which I am well versed. A good bit of my material is posted on my blog. I want to eventually make a career out of blogging and writing, but that is just a dream as of now. I like to write a short love story then have a detailed analytical discussion about it. Actually, that would be a perfect first date for me, so do check out the fiction page.  I try to write like a Modern or Post Modern version of Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Allen Poe and Charles Dickens all rolled into one.  When I write a story, not only am I trying to entertain and make the reader feel wonderful emotions, but I am also attempting to teach what I highly value!

In addition to writing, I repair and restore computers for fun and can breathe new life into an old computer that most others thought was ruined forever. However, I’m very unconventional in my methods of doing so. Because of my computer repair hobby and my desire to just be prepared in general; I’m definitely into EDC or everyday carry.  Therefore, I always carry a flashlight and a muti-tool on me.  I frequently also carry a calculator and almost always wear a watch that is synchronized monthly with the U.S. Government’s Offical Time.

One quirk of mine is that I wear slacks, britches or trousers year-round (even in this Louisiana heat.)  Don’t try to change me, because I would feel extremely weird if I couldn’t wear long pants and I haven’t worn shorts in almost a decade.

Another quirk is that I am extremely punctual.  Some people appreciate it and kudos to them.  Others do detest it, mostly because they come from cultures that do not emphasize the importance of being on time, but I am at odds with people like that anyway for a number of other reasons.

In some ways, I am very disciplined and I carry myself with militant precision.  In other ways, not so much.

God has also graced me with the ability to fix things around the house, especially anything electrical.

Listening to music is good for my heart and soul, and I like all kinds of music, so I spend many nights driving around jamming with the car stereo on full blast.  My favorite musical artist as a teenager was The Dave Matthews Band.  In my early adult years, I listened to Country music but it got stupid around 2013.  All Country music prior to 2013 is pure gold in my book though!  I started listening to bands like Fun., Neon Trees, Imagine Dragons, of Monsters and Men, etc around 2012-2013.  The only three current singers I like are Ed Sheeran, George Ezra, and Meghan Trainor.

Speaking of driving, I have a very keen sense of direction and since 2001, my peers have often referred to me as “a human GPS.”  I inherited this trait from my Dad and I memorized the road maps he collected.  However, I’m humble enough to ask for directions when I need to.

I do like to go fishing every now and then and even though my gear is simple, I catch a lot.

There are other hobbies of mine, but you’d probably find them boring.  However, they are totally wholesome, virtually legal and they keep me out of trouble.  If you don’t like my hobbies, I won’t force them on you by any means, but when I am engaging in them would be a time for me to do my thing and you do your thing which is vital for any relationship!

Since I live alone, I can cook a few dishes and not to be boastful or anything, but I can fry chicken almost exactly like Colonel Sanders (he was the founder of KFC for all you younger ladies who may not know of him.)  Unfortunately, I am surrounded by people who much prefer Al Copeland’s (the founder of Popeye’s) method.

Believe it or not, I have quite a funny side and actually, I am always making friends and family laugh.  If I act funny with you, it means I am very comfortable with you!

People tell me I look younger than my actual age.  I was born in January of 1987, so do the math to find out my current age and you decide if I look my age or not.

Want to know more, just ask.  I promise to be as truthful and honest with you as possible, no matter the cost…

I am most certainly NOT interested in casual hookups, one night stands, friends with benefits, nor do I want to exchange naked pictures. I’m not looking for easy sex. Rather, I want to love and be loved! True, committed love preferably within wedlock is the prerequisite for intimacy in my book. However, I am very much aware that we are fallen beings in an equally fallen world. There may be reasons to not get legally married, but I definitely would want to still make a clear and definite marriage commitment before God, friends, and family without getting the government involved if that’s what we would need to do.  Legal and binding or not, I will take our marriage commitment seriously and with extreme reverence!  To me, it will be a sacred covenant between me, you and our God!  I don’t want to play games nor do I appreciate people playing games with me. I am a gentleman and I promise to treat you like a lady! I do have very certain standards but if you meet or exceed them, I could fall very quickly and hard for you!

If you’re still interested there are more than enough ways to drop me a line on the Contact Me Page

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The Evolution of EDC (Mid 2000s to Late 2010s)

On one side of the featured image is a Victorinox Recruit ii Swiss Army Knife and an incandescent Mini Maglite, circa, 2005/2006.

On the other side of the featured image is a Gerber US1 pocket knife and an LED Mini Maglite, circa, 2018.

In this piece, I will try to write what I observe in the evolution of EDC or everyday carry.

I had first seen the Swiss Army Knife and Mini Maglite combination sold at Target in 2006 while I was a senior in high school. This prompted me to start carrying a Swiss Army Knife and a Mini Maglite everywhere I could, though I carried different models than what was sold at Target. I carried them everywhere I legally could and I also tried to get other guys to do so as well, with very limited success. That was the top of the line EDC for the mid 2000s. LED technology had not advanced enough yet, but the Mini Maglite was well established as a tried and true favorite. The Swiss Army Knife was even more established. Since I was still in high school, I couldn’t legally carry any type of knife on me, but I definitely carried the flashlight. I didn’t actually own the featured combination until April of 2016 when I purchased it as new old stock on eBay. I guess I was feeling reminiscent of my high school days. By the way, this Mini Maglite was bundled with a Swiss Army Knife.

Since 2005/2006 EDC gear has advanced considerably, both in knives becoming more tactical and therefore rugged. LED technology in flashlights has also vastly improved allowing them to give off more and more light for longer and longer runtimes. Flashlights have become more tactical and therefore rugged as well. Maglite was one of the earlier tactical flashlight models to choose from, but now they are not the most tactical. They are also not the brightest. However, they are built very well in the USA. The brand as I’ve said before is also better well established than any of these Chinese tactical brands that may be brighter.

In 2018 or so I had first seen the Mini Maglite LED and Gerber US1 sold at Wal Mart. Target has been dwindling their selection of flashlights. Well Wal Mart has too, but Target did far worse. At a church Christmas party I received a gift card to Wal Mart. I knew I would be purchasing that aforementioned combination. To this day, a little over a year later, I still carry them in my EDC backpack. This is not the top of the line for EDC in the lates 2010s and early 2020s, but both of these items are American made. The Mini Maglite appears the same on the outside as it did in 2005/2006, but it has a robust LED light engine instead of a vacuum bi pin bulb. Instead of giving off 9 Lumens it gives off 100 Lumens. Plus the light engine is quite rugged and never needs to be replaced. The knife appears to be more tactical than a Swiss Army Knife, though it doesn’t have all the features. There has been a trend that started some time ago to make all knives look more tactical. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing. This knife really is not a tactical knife, just a simple everyday model. However, it goes well with the Mini Maglite LED.

In 2005/2006 being more fashionable and almost European, for lack of a better word, was the trendy thing. This was especially the case in stores like Target. However in the late 2010s and looks like the early 2020s being tactical is the trendy thing. I don’t know how long the tactical trend will last, but it has caught on to every store almost.

These trends have bled over into the world of EDC at least to some degree.

I wish we could marry both ideas!

I cannot wait to see what new EDC gadgets will be put on the market throughout the 2020s, but it would be something if they were both tactical and fashionable at the same time.

I wish Victorinox (Swiss) would make some tactical models, but that is mostly an American and maybe a Chinese thing. The rest of the world doesn’t emphasize the value of a tactical gadget. I appreciate tactical grade because it will stand up to more abuse.

I’d like to elaborate more on this, but my back is starting to hurt me.

This therefore concludes my piece of the evolution of EDC items.

I hope you, the reader, have been informed and entertained…

Flashlight Solidarity Fashion

If you, the reader, don’t know this about me already, I have spent and still spend extensive time reading about any and all subjects pertaining to flashlights.

I will say that EDC in its modern form began in 1984 with the launch of The Mini Maglite personal sized flashlight.

Ever since then, those who carry flashlights almost always will carry a rugged, compact metal flashlight of some sort.

However, people have been carrying flashlights almost since their initial invention in 1899.

Industrial Grade Flashlights as we know them can be traced back to the 1940s.

From that point on, but especially between the 1960s and the 1980s or 1990s, tradespeople and laborers, especially those in the transportation sector usually carried a 2 D sized Heavy Duty Industrial Grade Flashlight. They would tuck it away usually in their right back pants pocket, with the face protruding upwards.

I first read about this practice in the Summer of 2010.

During this time, I was employed as a grocer.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do like grocery work and I am considerably good at it.

However, I worked for a God awful grocery company and the work environment was very spirit crushing.

We were stripped of any and all dignity as much as legally possible.

We also were forced to wear humiliating uniforms.

As you, the reader, probably already know, I have a special fondness for flashlights.

My entire disability pension at the time and then some was eaten up by my rent and I was working part time at $8 an hour.

Needless to say I had very little spending money.

Industrial Grade flashlights, especially the incandescent models are pretty cheap and at the time they were the only flashlights I could afford to splurge myself with.

So, I would buy them whenever I had a few extra dollars to my name.

When I would buy one, I would do as much reading about it as possible. This is how I kept myself amused during my off hours.

I didn’t have much spending money to eat out or do anything else, so my then wife now ex wife would watch television and I would read online.

Cable TV and Internet maintained the sanity that was many times just hanging on by just a thread.

Not only did it maintain the little sanity we had, it served as a window to the outside world because we had a very basic phone plan with very limited minutes.

Actually we went completely without a phone altogether for a month or two, but kept in touch with friends and family via the Internet.

We always had food on the table (without any SNAP benefits by the way) and I just thank God that I didn’t get her pregnant!

If the ultimate failure of my marriage can be boiled down to anything it, was these two factors:
A spouse whose personality was permanently altered for the worse due to fluid buildup on her brain a few months after us exchanging our marital vows.
AND
A miserable and demanding job during the honeymoon phase of that marriage.

I know I would be married to her for a little over eight years and honestly that was me trying to honor my God.

Things did slightly improve when I worked enough quarters so my disability pension was bumped up in January of 2011.

After my hours were drastically cut and I was demoted for no reason; I quit without warning in September of 2011. I have not been employed since.

My disability pension was bumped up again to in January of 2012 for working a few more quarters.

There have also been cost of living adjustments, since then, and I humbly but joyfully thank my God for it!

Okay, I think I’ve got my point across on how real my struggles once were!

I needed to get that off my chest and this is good therapy for starting a new year and a new decade off fresh!

So, as I mentioned before the work environment at this grocery company was very spirit crushing.

When I first started there, I attempted to clip my portable scanner radio to my back pocket, just so I could have entertainment during the break periods.

The managers who wanted to suck any and all joy possible out of working for their company swiftly reacted and equally swiftly denied me the privilege of having my scanner on me.

Just for the record I never had it turned on while I was on the clock, just during break time.

So months later, I after learning how working people of previous decades carried a flashlight in their back pockets, I began to do so as well.

Most of the time I had a cheaper tactical model in my front pocket as well.

I was met with lots of positive reactions from my coworkers and only by the Grace of God, management never tried to stop me. These positive reactions from coworkers were the beginning of me being accepted for liking flashlights as opposed to being harassed, as in primary and some of secondary school.

I finally had a way to express my individuality and at the same time have a comfort item on me, which made the extremely toxic work environment a little more bearable.

I know some of you may think I was being smug and rebellious and possibly to a degree I was.

However, while I am not condoning my rebellion if any, let me just say that it was a reaction to oppression but more than that it was simply a desire to have a comfort item with me during a very uncomfortable time.

As a Christian, I do feel convicted as I am writing this because The Bible clearly instructs Christian employees to do their work as if they were doing it for God. There were times I did fail to do this.

However, the Bible is very harsh on oppressive employers and oppression in general as well!

So…

I’m no expert on fashion at all.

But, I’ve considered trying to start a fashion trend, though I highly question whether or not I will have any success.

However, what if we could invent this dress style which would entail a white tee shirt, a newsboy hat of some sort, then either black, brown or khaki work pants, some sturdy but casual shoes or work boots and the crowning point either a vintage or a current Industrial Grade Heavy Duty 2 D Cell sized flashlight to be carried in the right back pocket, head protruding up! It could be to identify with and support the working class. I could see hipsters possibly doing this and maybe, just maybe, it could catch on to other groups of people.

While I am no longer a member of the working class, at one point I was simply mentally disabled, though high functioning, but now I am also physically disabled due to a back injury.  I am still and always will be a Millennial.

And many of my fellow Millennials are heavily oppressed by the workforce with no foreseeable relief from this oppression.

Maybe it could be worn on the job, at least the flashlight portion, to show solidarity with other workers from now and previous times.

And for those that already carry flashlights anyway, still carry your main flashlight on you, but have one of these aforementioned flashlights in your back pocket.

For those in hazardous environments, there are quite a few models that are approved for your job-the idea is to carry them in your right back pocket!

Flashlights give off light, which chases away darkness and exposes everything good and bad. We can use the flashlights as a symbol of chasing away the darkness of oppression that workers face even with all the rights they are supposedly guaranteed. We can also see them as the symbol of exposing the good intentions of the workers trying to support themselves and their loved ones and exposing the dirty dealings going on that cheat these workers out of so much.

I’m not trying to align with one political party or another, because they both have failed us, miserably.

This doesn’t have to be totally political anyway, it could just be an innocent fad started by someone who is fond of flashlights!