The History of my Attraction to Bigger Females

NOTE I know that I originally wrote this in the latter parts of 2017, but I am modifying it for 2020…

My name is Eric John Monier and I am attracted to plus-sized and super-sized women.

Those of you who know me well enough are already very much aware of this.

In this piece, I will attempt to explain to you, the reader, of my attraction to bigger girls, women, and ladies as well as the history of it.

I don’t know exactly why I am attracted to this body type, but a woman with a soft belly, thick thighs, plump caboose and ample sized breasts in addition to a pretty face will drive me crazy in a lot of very good ways.

I used to not be attracted to bigger girls in my preteen years and up to age thirteen. I guess because the few that I had come across always had explosive tempers. I was so ignorant and close-minded at the time that I never put two and two together that maybe the reason that they had such tempers was from all the harassment they endured. I should have been able to figure this out because I was harassed quite a bit, myself, and yes, for a time it did cause me to be mean, but for whatever reason, I never put the pieces together. I feel terrible about what I used to say back in those days and I will NOT repeat it here. One downside of having a razor-sharp memory is remembering all the bad things I ever said and done, sometimes more than the good.

Since age fourteen or fifteen, my attitude began to drastically change, however, but I wasn’t out of the closet about this attraction until I sixteen or seventeen. And I wasn’t public about it until age nineteen.

I think the first time I was attracted to a plus-sized girl was when I was in seventh grade, at Saint Mary’s Nativity School. She was in sixth. I was harassed a lot at that school, but this girl always smiled at me, was very nice to me and even laughed at my jokes. I never asked her out because I knew if I did, I would be harassed even more for going out with her. I won’t reveal her name, even though I remember it well. I’m glad she’s married now likewise, I hope and pray that her husband adores her as she ought to be.

Fast forward to eighth grade, February 20, 2002, I was at a pep rally and two boys were trying to pick a fight with me. A beautiful plus-sized girl was standing near me in the bleachers shouting for them to “stop” and that they were “so mean.” After that day, I had a major crush on her that would last throughout high school. The only reason why I never tried to approach her, again, was fear of what others may think of me. I remember her name as well, but I won’t reveal it. She’s married now and has children, and, my God, I hope her husband treats her like the wonderful queen she is.

A little about my weight history:
In August of 2002, I was wrongfully and forcefully medicated on a terrible drug known as Risperdal. As a result, I gained a little weight. Before this, I was very underweight (5’4″ 100-115 pounds), but now I was slightly overweight (5’6″ 160-170 pounds.) I guess, because of this, I thought it would be more acceptable to date a bigger girl. However, none were interested in me or other cases, we had mutually planted each other in that wretched old “friend zone.”

On March 15, 2003, at the age of sixteen, I was attracted to a plus-sized girl who I later found out was a couple of months my senior. This was the first time I made a pass at a plus-sized girl. She accepted but then broke up with me a day later at the urging of her parents. This hurt resulted in my first time getting drunk.

In late March or early April of 2003, I was taken off all medication and maybe lost a little weight as a result.

Also in April of 2003, I discovered writing as many of you know.

In that wonderful summer of 2003, at the age of sixteen and a half, I had become known as a romantic writer by my peers and had a secret webpage displaying my work. I had other webpages as well and a fourteen-going-on-fifteen-year-old girl had contacted me online and we began a steamy online and texting relationship. She was slightly plus-sized, but I thought she was so beautiful and she thought I was cute. We also had similar sexual kinks, even though we were only minors, of which I won’t publicly disclose. Unfortunately, I lost all contact with her in the latter parts of 2004, but I do remember her name. It would be wonderful to find her again.

Fast forward to between June 14 and 17, 2004, I suffered a mental breakdown and was put on that wretched medication, Risperdal, once again. By December of 2004, I weighed around 198 pounds.

In January of 2005, I was now eighteen and put on an anti-convulsant, used off label as a mood stabilizer, Topamax, in addition to what I was already taking. This caused a dramatic amount of weight loss in a short amount of time. By that April, I was 5’6″ and 122 pounds!

Even though I had lost a lot of weight, I remained attracted to plus-sized women and girls. I don’t know why.

Unfortunately, none of them felt the same about me.

I was in an online and phone relationship with one girl, from September 2005 to December of 2005 but she was very skinny and tall. One of the reasons, but not the main reason why I ended it was because she was indeed too skinny. I feel so terrible admitting this though.

It was now late January of 2006 and I was on a more weight neutral medication known as Geodon. I also became very vocal about my attraction to bigger members of the opposite sex. I figured if people wanted to distance themselves from me because of this, I didn’t need them in my life anyway.

I was a senior in high school and there was one plus-sized girl, a freshman, whom I had a crush on. I think she liked me too, but I’m not 100% sure. Many people told me to pursue her, but while I highly revered and respected her and wouldn’t dare do anything sinful or illegal with her, I was still afraid of catching various charges. In December 2006, a few months after I graduated, I went on one semi-date with her at the mall, but we ended up freaking each other out. We remained good enough friends, until the latter parts of 2017. Also, from August to December of 2006, I had dated a few plus-sized young ladies, but never really got close to any of them and the relationships always ended in disaster.

On January 7, 2007, I had just made twenty a few days prior was working at my local grocer, pushing buggies in the parking lot. I saw a beautiful plus sized girl walking into the store. Soon all the buggies were picked up and I resumed bagging groceries. She went up to the cashiers of whom we mutually happened to be friends with and asked for them to tell her where the tuna fish (not remoulade sauce-ha) was located. Before bagging groceries and pushing buggies (which is more fun in my book), I was a stocker. Therefore I had an intimate knowledge of where everything was located in the store. I kindly offered to show this young lady where the tuna fish was located. We walked to the tuna fish aisle together and she placed several cans in her buggy. Then I resumed bagging groceries, but asked the two cashiers if they knew that girl and if so how old was she. They told me her name and her age (nineteen.) I had them print out a blank receipt and I wrote my two phone numbers on it. They then handed it to her. As she was leaving the store, I told her to call me and that I get off at five. On my way home, my phone rang and it was her. She invited me over to her parents’ house and we have been together until January 18, 2018. We got married three years and two days after we met and but our divorce was finalized on October 11, 2018. She didn’t like being plus size, but every time she complained about it, I told her how if she was skinny I would have never given her my number, to begin with.

In the summer of 2007 until April of 2010, I took Abilify and gained 100 pounds. I used to joke that the weight gain was an STI from then-girlfriend, later wife, now ex-wife. Since April of 2010, I’ve taken Geodon, though I tried other medications but usually no longer than a week.

I had talked to several women post leaving my now ex-wife and most of them were either plus-sized or super-sized. However, none of those relationships progressed very far. One was even skinny but lied and said she was a BBW, but we mutually ghosted each other.

Another was beautiful and super-sized, but because of our location distance, she put me in the friend zone which I now accept and we are still good friends to this day.

In the latter parts of 2018, I met and fell in love with a beautiful and sweet super-sized young lady. She treated me like a king and I treated her like a queen. We vindicated and complimented each other in many ways. And not only that we were madly attracted to each other physically! No one had ever made me so happy before or since. However, she called it quits on me on December 4, 2019. I was crushed, devastated and heartbroken. No one in my eyes could ever measure up to her, no not even close, and I even told her that every day. I was very serious about being true to her to the point that I found myself acting the way televangelist Billy Graham acted towards his wife, even though she and I never were even engaged. We were, however, talking very seriously about marriage, until she called it quits. However, this happened for a reason and I know The Lord has someone else for me, I just have to wait on Him. I just pray that she is either at least plus-sized or preferably super-sized. I would not be happy with a skinny or muscular woman nor would I try to make such a woman gain weight because I see that as a form of abuse to her.

I don’t like being overweight that much. I know it makes me look younger at times, but it is unhealthy for sure and makes me feel tired all the time. I guess I am a perfect hypocrite, because, while I don’t like being like this, I’m attracted to women who are. And as long as she has a pretty face, the bigger the better! Still, I definitely would not want to suddenly one day not be attracted to bigger women because then a part of me would die. I wouldn’t be myself anymore. What the Internet has taught me more than anything else is that I am not alone in any of my interests or attractions and there are a lot of other guys who are also attracted to plus-sized women.

Bigger women most certainly deserve to be loved too, and from what I’ve found out there are a lot of guys besides myself who are willing to love and adore them just as they should be loved and adored!

Body Shaming is Cruel Unnecessary and Obsolete and I hate being body-shamed when it does happen to me.  However, I am usually able to just brush it off. I don’t do it to anyone, regardless of size, because I try to see the soul of a person instead.  However, being a carnal human being, I tend to be nicer to a plus-sized or super-sized woman, than someone of different features in any given situation that arises.  I know this is wrong, but I am not perfect and never claimed to be.

I guess this concludes my piece on my attraction to bigger females.  I hope you, the reader, have got something out of this and now see that beauty is literally in the eyes of the beholder.

Back to “Personal Reflections”

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s