Meet His Parents-Grocer and Writer (Young Lady’s Perspective)

My boyfriend rings the doorbell and his greeted by his mom.

“Hi, son. It’s been a long time. I wish you’d call more often.”

“Well, I only have so many voice minutes.”

She then looks at me and says, “So this is your special lady. She sure is cute!”

I blush, then we walk in.

His mom continues, telling him, “Y’all must be tired from your trip. You can sleep in the living room and your girlfriend can have your bed.”

My boyfriend and I look at each other in distress.

He speaks up, “Momma, that’s not necessary. We’re both adults.”

“Both adults?” His mom asks, then looks at me and continues, “How old are you?”

“I just made eighteen at midnight. I was going to move in with him, then the terrorist attack happened,” I humbly say.

“Move in with him? Y’all aren’t married.” His mom then looks at him and says, “City life has corrupted you because we didn’t raise you to live in sin.”

He answers her, “I would marry her if I could only afford a ring. I might be able to soon if I could just get my foot in the door as a writer.”

Sternly, his mom replies, “You’re supposed to toil for your wages, not get paid to entertain people with your sinful fantasies.”

I don’t like seeing him put down like this, so I interject, “His stories aren’t sinful, they are beautiful. In fact, those stories he writes are one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.”

His mom’s face becomes totally grim and she speaks to him, “I’m very disappointed in you. You’re using the written word to charm this young girl into your pants. That’s a far fall from grace and I blame it on living in the city.”

His dad walks into the kitchen, half asleep.

“What’s going on?” He asks.

My boyfriend answers him, “Some terrorists derailed a freight train in my neighborhood and we were forced to evacuate, so here we are.”

His mom then sharply says, “Tell him the rest.”

“Momma is mad at me because my girlfriend and I were planning to live together and sleep in the same bed.”

His dad looks at his mom and says, “Honey, don’t be so hard on him. I never thought he would find anyone, because of his condition but now he has, so don’t ruin it for him.”

Now I am worried about him so I look at his parents and ask, “What condition? Is he all right?”

His dad looks at me, then says, “He’s fine, just mildly Autistic, but very high functioning.”

My boyfriend then looks at me and says, “I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would leave me if you found out.”

I embrace him, then say, “I would never leave you, especially for something like that. You love me for me, when everyone else I was ever interested in mocked and taunted me, so I won’t forget that. You also take very good care of me, even though you have to do without. Anyway, look how fat I am, who else would want me?”

“Rest assured, I want you no matter what. And don’t worry about your weight because I love the feeling of holding you close to me at night.”

I smile at him from ear to ear. Now I am blushing. I then hug him tightly.

“Watch it, son!” His mom sharply interjects.

“Honey, why do you have to be so hard on him?”

“I just don’t want him sinning that’s all.” She then walks to her liquor cabinet and pours a shot of whiskey.

“Isn’t it a sin to drink?” My boyfriend asks her.

“Don’t be a smart aleck. You’re making me sin because of all your questionable choices.”

His dad intervenes, saying, “Why don’t we all go to bed?”

“Oh, yeah so they can screw out of wedlock under our roof.”

“Honey, please don’t ruin this for him.”

His takes another shot of whiskey, then says, “Fine, do whatever you want. You’ll both have a lot to answer for on judgment day.”

My boyfriend’s dad shows us to our room, then says, “Hopefully, she’ll come around, just keep the lewdness to a minimum in her presence.”

We get under the covers and snuggle for the next few hours.

Back to “My [Non-Offensive] “Grocer and Writer” Pieces”

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