Christmas Day-Grocer and Writer (Guy’s Perspective)


This is a modified version of the original.

The original version was much too offensive and I’ve only showed it to people I trust.

Hopefully you will forgive me and enjoy this version just as well.

Here it is without further a do:

My girlfriend is sitting on the bed browsing the Internet on her smartphone as I prepare her breakfast. I am making French Toast with the last few slices of bread. Soon enough I’m done cooking.

I walk back to the bedroom where she greets me with an awkward smile, then kisses me.

“Breakfast is ready, baby,” I tell her.

“Good because I am hungry!” She tells me giggling.

“I’m hungry too.”

I serve us the food and we eat, smiling at each other from ear to ear.

As we are finishing up breakfast, both of our phones alert us to a Freeze Warning for our city.

“I would like for you to meet my parents today.”

“All right I’m all for that. I hope they accept me as much as you have.”

“Regardless of what happens, I will still love you.”

“They might not let you see me.”

“They can only legally do that for six weeks.”

“Still, I’d rather be on their good side.”

“I’ll help you, don’t worry.”

We get dressed in my drafty house.

I see her shivering and say, “Take my extra jacket.”

“Aw, thanks!” She tells me with a kiss.

We walk out of my house and I lock the door. We then exit my yard and I lock the hurricane fence.

I open the door of my car for her then I get in and start it.

We leave my neighborhood and get on the Interstate.

The ride is quiet, but then my girlfriend says, “You know I’d been doing some research while you were making breakfast and I found out that I am legal in this state.”

“What you mean?”

“You didn’t break any laws by sleeping with me because, in our state, the age of consent is seventeen.”

“Wow! I thought it was eighteen everywhere. I’m definitely relieved.”

“I just hope you’ll stay with me and not leave me now that you know that.”

“Us sleeping together was your idea, not mine. I would have waited however long for you. And, rest assured that there is no force on this planet that will make me want to leave you!”

“What if you got me pregnant?”

“Then I would marry you, it would be the honorable thing to do. I want to marry you anyway, but I cannot afford a decent ring on my low wages.”

She brightly beams at me then leans her head on my shoulder.

Suddenly her phone rings.

“It’s my dad; I have to take this call,” She says, then answers, “Hi Daddy.” “Yes, I know I’m not home. I’m with someone special.” “I had been seeing him since Thanksgiving.” “He’s very good to me.” “Yes, he does indeed love me.” “Okay, please give him a chance-I love him so much!” “We’re on our way over there now.” “Yes, I’ll tell him.” “Okay, bye Daddy.”

My girlfriend then tells me, “My dad says for you to drive safely in this freezing weather. He might be a little hard on you.”

“That’s all right. I’ll make it clear to him and your mom how much I love you and how I’m willing to take care of you.”

“Well whether my parents like you or not, there’s only six weeks until I can make all of my own decisions.”

We see the exit to the road that leads to her subdivision, then take it. We drive through the neighborhood and finally pull into her parents’ driveway.

I step out of my car then open the door for her. We walk to the front entrance of the house and my girlfriend rings the bell.

Her dad answers not long after.

He shakes my hand and says, “Hello young man. We’ve met before.”

My girlfriend is puzzled and asks, “Wait, Daddy, you know him?”

“Yes. He waited on me at The Downtown Grocer. He was very helpful and took care of me better than anyone else. Those bastards he works for punished him just because they thought he was talking with me too much instead of working.”

“I’m on thin ice because of that. I hate my job but I have to work somewhere and unfortunately there aren’t too many somewheres in this economy.”

“I could easily get you a better job, but I have to know that you are committed to my daughter and her only. How did you meet her?”

My girlfriend then interjects and says, “I’ll answer that one, Daddy: Last Thanksgiving you and mom were fighting, so I left the house and went to the park. I saw him there, writing. I thought he was cute and his stories were beautiful, so I was attracted to him. He accepted me and he doesn’t mind my weight.”

Her dad looks at me sternly and says, “Yes, she has an under-active thyroid gland and the weight is not her fault. I tore me up seeing her rejected and mocked by all those boys and you better not break her heart. If you do, I know people who can tar and feather you.”

I look at her dad directly in the eyes and say, “I know rejection too, Mister. I’ve been shot down many times, but your daughter she completely accepted me for who I am, despite all of my quirks and awkwardness and I love her for that, not to mention I think she is very beautiful and I would never dream of breaking her heart.”

“Good. I’m holding you to that statement. Now why don’t both of you come in and have Christmas Dinner with us? We have Sushi, General Tso Chicken, Lo Mein Noodles, Hot Pork and Tapioca Pudding for dessert. I got Asian take out because I refuse to shop at The Downtown Grocer after seeing the way they treat their workers.”

Her mom walks out of the den and asks, “Who the hell are you?”

My girlfriend says, “That’s my boyfriend mom, please don’t embarrass me.”

Her dad then says, “Let’s all eat. It’s Christmas and it should be peaceful.”

Back to “My [Non-Offensive] “Grocer and Writer” Pieces”


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